I'll NEVER Talk Sh*t About That Band Again

Time travel, dude..

1983

1992

2008

Evidently, inside that some kind of monster, a heart still beats...

TO BE CONTINUED.

Black Cobra

Better late than never! This became official awhile back, but I neglected to rant about it: Umlaut's mighty friends Black Cobra have signed to the mighty Southern Lord!!

Black Cobra spent a large part of 2008 in the U.S. and Europe as direct support for The Sword... and Rafa and Jason have worked their asses off and they deserve all of the molten good fortune that is coming their way! The official announcement from Southern Lord:

Black Cobra:

Rafa Martinez and Jason Landrian have been coalescing Black Cobra’s sonic brew for nearly six years now, yet neither were strangers to heaving heavy riffage prior, with Rafa doing time with Acid King and 16, and Jason in Cavity. But the pair unleash a tone heavier than a trio of both guitar and drums. Their impenetrable hardcore doom chemistry evokes an intensity that sets them apart from the others, both live and recorded. The band have toured seemingly endlessly on both US and foreign soil since their 2002 inception, sharing the stage with The Sword, Weedeater, High On Fire, Torche and countless other bands in the upper ranks of metal and doom, most times blowing the competition away completely. Black Cobra plans to record their first album for Southern Lord sometime in the first half of 2009, with more info and tour dates to be announced very shortly.

http://www.blackcobra.net
http://www.myspace.com/blackcobra

This news also makes Umlaut happy for selfish reasons, since I'm already drooling over the future Black Cobra releases that Southern Lord will unleash on beautiful, beautiful vinyl... No one does vinyl the way Southern Lord does. Drool...

On another note: Awhile back, The Sword kept an entertaining tour diary for The Austin Chronicle during their U.S. Tour with Metallica. An excerpt:

Dec. 20: Oracle Arena, Oakland, Calif.
Fuck yeah! Our buddies from Saviours and Black Cobra are in town and come to the show. This is our favorite thing, to catch up with our raddest duders. We played an okay show and then, as Lars' b-day is just a few days away and this is the last night of the tour for a while, at Hetfield's behest, Kyle and I attempt to pie Lars onstage (at the end of "Seek and Destroy," of course). Man, that dude can run! (He actually runs several miles a day.) Seeing everyone coming, he sprinted, jumped off the stage (which is pretty high), and managed to dodge pies for a minute or two hiding down between the barricades. Eventually we caught him.

Random Rock Star Moment: Robert John

This post is a direct result of a late night listening to an old Guns N' Roses album while drinking red wine as a Black Kitty and a Siamese Cat stared at me from a couch...


Awhile back, Umlaut found himself backstage after a Motörhead show in Anaheim; I was there for work. As what usually happens backstage at big Rock shows, I started chatting with random strangers who happen to be standing next to me.

Towards the end of the evening I found myself chatting with a cool, friendly couple: The woman worked with Motörhead and the gentleman was their photographer. I was familiar with the man's recent photos of the band and when he introduced himself his name was setting bells off in my head but I couldn't place why... We ended up talking about music... records... vinyl... how kids these days don't even fucking know... etc. etc.. We were on the same wavelength, man.

Later, as we walked to our respective cars, we traded business cards and said our goodbyes.... THEN I remembered! Robert John: One of the legends of Rock N' Roll photography! The person responsible for most of the iconic photos of Guns N' Roses, including the back cover of Appetite For Destruction:


This is someone from the generation of Rock photographers who lived The Life AND captured it on film for history. When you look at Mr. John's photos you will understand how Rock N' Roll really is dead in many respects... Yeah, it's still viable, but it's NOT the same in the post-Internet 21st Century where you can find out everything about anybody online.

Indeed, Umlaut is an old fart.. I miss the days when your favorite bands seemed like Super Heroes and you got a sense of accomplishment from hunting down their latest releases at record stores. I miss the days when you didn't know alot about Rock Stars, but you felt like you knew them through their music and not via Internet forums or online gossip. I miss the days when you could not be casual or lazy if you were a Music Geek; it's what separated the fans from the posers... and when I look at Mr. John's photos all of that is reflected in them. Cue Almost Famous.

Long story short, I stayed in touch with Mr. John and was fortunate enough to have him sign my copy of his Guns N' Roses : The Photographic History (Little Brown & Co. - 1993)... which I think is pretty cool.

Wow, it's late...

Dreamscape

The other night I had a weird dream where I was seeing the early 80's U.S. Metal band Riot at a venue whose stage seemed to shift back and forth from being indoors in a club to outdoors in a parking lot. Despite the fact that it kept shifting between inside and outside, the stage itself was exactly like the one at the defunct San Francisco club The Old Waldorf. The stage in my dream was the same knee-height and had a carpet rolled up against the front (the carpet at The Old Waldorf would be rolled out to cover the club's hardwood dance floor for certain events); I used to kneel on that rolled carpet to take photos of bands in the days before I could buy alcohol legally...

As the band started playing in my dream, I was snapping pictures with my current Canon XSi, which was odd since digital photography was mere Science Fiction when Riot and The Old Waldorf were going strong. At one point one of the guitarists was totally mugging for the camera.

Riot - 'Swords & Tequila' Live - 1981

After Riot's set I wandered around to meet friends and / or family (my dreamscape wasn't clear on that detail)... It was then announced that "the bus" was leaving town. I looked at the parking lot in front of the stage (the stage was "outside" at this point in the dream) and a line of people was waiting to board a bus. This was good news, since it meant Riot's next set would be less crowded! Excellent.

As the bus was being readied for departure, I went back to Umlaut's Prius that was parked in a nearby garage. I traded my Canon XSi for my Canon PowerShot to use during Riot's next set. However, as I started taking pics of Riot again, the low battery warning flashed on the PowerShot... and my dream started going downhill from there.

First, I couldn't take any more pictures of Riot.. much to my frustration as they smoked the stage with their brand of no-nonsense early-80's U.S. Metal... THEN I couldn't find the parking garage where I'd left the Prius... THEN I realized my only way home was via that bus and it was GONE.. THEN I noticed my cell phone wasn't in my jacket pocket. THEN panic set in....... THEN I woke up.

Flash forward to the morning after this dream and I learned that King Diamond will be appearing in the upcoming Guitar Hero: Metallica game. WTF!? KING DIAMOND in a VIDEO GAME?!! A video game that will be in the homes of millions of impressionable young minds?!! Was I still in an alternate dream universe?? Cue the Mercyful Fate song 'Evil'..

Courtesy of Metallica.com

Dreams... Fantasy... Reality... I'm not sure if I've taken the blue or the red pill here in the 21st Century. "Drizzle, drazzle, druzzle, drone. Time for this one to come home.."

Riot - Live at Wolfgang's, San Francisco - 12/27/83

Random Rock Star Moment: The Coal Miner's Daughter

The Coal Miner's Daughter! For reasons unknown, this post was ready to go almost a year ago, but I never published it... Sorry about that John... better late than never, right?

Submitted by John Marshall:

One of the coolest things I have.....!



I didn’t actually meet her -- I was dealing with her steel player and he had it signed for me.

For the newbies, click HERE for all of the installments in Umlaut's ongoing Random Rock Star Moment series.

My Heart Will Go On

Celine Dion
HP Pavilion, San Jose, CA
February 20, 2009

Once upon a time, Umlaut worked with a woman who would always say she looked like Celine Dion; I never saw it. She did have long brown hair like Celine Dion, but past that I didn't see the resemblance. My co-worker was a sweet person and I always nodded in agreement when she'd mention her doppelganger.... Then I caught an interview with Celine Dion on t.v.. and, goddamit, but when she smiled she *did* look like my co-worker; actually the resemblance was uncanny. I stood corrected.

Fast forward to the 21st Century and Umlaut found himself approaching HP Pavilion with Skychick to attend a performance by Canada's national treasure. Now, before my Metal friends start deleting my contact info, I must clarify that my attendance was work related... and to be honest, I was curious to experience Celine Dion live; she's sold the same amount of albums worldwide as Metallica (over 200 MILLION albums to date) so there's obviously an entire society of Celine fans who I have absolutely no clue about... I would also be completely out of my element, which would be interesting as well.

Traffic around downtown San Jose was a bit of a clusterfuck. We were late getting to the show and missed the first song as I got my +1 sorted outside (Thanks Benny!) and then had to deal with THE most incompetent ushers ever... However, long story short, once we did find our seats everything was forgiven because they were KILLER...

Pic by Umlaut

The stage was set in the round (like Metallica's recent tour) and Celine was backed onstage by 8 musicians and 10 dancers. Celine had 6 wardrobe changes and I kept trying to watch the guitar players (one of whom also played violin) to see if they were really playing or not. The show's sound was unbelievably clean and the instruments sounded unbelievably processed as well; I suspected the vocals of the 3 back up singers was canned most of the time. I also wondered if Celine's crew guys scored alot of pussy on The Road because there were ALOT of chicks in the audience, dude. WAY more than at a Slayer show.

Pic by Skychick

I had been having the worst allergy attack all day and during the show my sinuses were draining down the back of my throat. I'm sure it was my body reacting to what I was subjecting it to; I was going into withdrawals from the lack of Metal. However, I sucked it up because our seats were in a prime section (face value was $200 EACH...)... so if I was going to have be in Heaven (Hell would have been Metal) at least it was from this sweet vantage spot; at times Celine was no more than a few feet from us.

To be fair, Celine does have a genuinely impressive singing voice from a technical standpoint, but her material pretty much all sounded the same to me; the songs went in one ear and out the other. She did a song with some famous Italian singer whose name I don't know, but the guy appeared via a video recording and Celine sang the "duet" with him that way.. . Yes, VERY cheesy, but Lynyrd Skynyrd did the same thing the last time I saw them so the Van Zant brothers could "sing" a duet together; cheesy is not limited to just Pop Music. The only songs I recognized were covers of a Heart song ('Alone') and a Tina Turner song ('River Deep Mountain High'), but they were so glitzed out it took me a moment to realize what songs they were.. However, no matter what she performed, everyone in the sold out arena was waiting for Celine to perform THAT song from the Titanic soundtrack.

While watching Celine perform 'My Heart Will Go On' I thought my heart would explode with joy and rainbows...... Okay, not really. You know, I've never seen Titanic all the way through (shocking!); I've only seen parts of it here and there when it's been on cable over the years. However, even I can't deny that the song has become the 'Stairway To Heaven' for millions of normal people. Does anybody remember laughter?

That being said, does anybody else find it odd that Princess Diana died less than 4 months before Titanic was released?? IMO, the global grief over her death was the main reason behind most of The Earth's population embracing both the movie's tragic story and also the song that embodied the onscreen tragedy; Titanic is the highest grossing movie in history and the song is one of the biggest selling singles ever as well. Did you know the movie's release was delayed 5 months due to "delays" in post production... 5 months... Plenty of time to plan the assassination of a Princess and create a marketing plan to exploit a planet's grief. Coincidence?? OR something more sinister?? Discuss amongst yourselves..

Anyway, at one point during 'My Heart Will Go On', a girl rushed the stage and got on the other side of the security barrier and tried to touch Celine as she sang... and not one security person tried to stop her.. and once she got to the stage none of the security seemed to know what to do about her. Worst concert security ever, but that girl ruled The Pit for sure.

Surprisingly, I had fun watching Celine's 2 hour performance; I felt like a spy inside The House Of Normal People.. It felt like a field trip into another world. I had nothing in common to what was going on around me but it was interesting to observe what "normal people" consider live entertainment; it was like Las Vegas had been dropped into downtown San Jose! Suburbia was enthralled by the flashing lights, the costume changes, the dancers, and the iconic Pop Queen onstage... and the arena was sold out despite the very expensive tickets so obviously the economy isn't bad for certain things.

Best Quote: "This is like watching t.v.!" - Skychick.

My favorite things about the performance were (1) How Celine knew exactly where every video camera was around the stage so she could wink or blow a kiss for the video screens and give the nosebleed seats some love; she did it so naturally it was eerie and I'm sure some fanboys up there thought she was winking at them personally... and (2) How Celine pronounced San Jose as "SAN HO-SAYY" trying to give it that ethnic pronunciation. "SAN HO-SAYY!! SAN HO-SAYY!"

Pic by Skychick

Anyway, Umlaut has been fortunate to have seen many of Canada's musical treasures live and in concert over the years, from Neil Young to Triumph to Rush to Loverboy to Fucked Up... and now I can add Celine Dion to that list. Do I qualify for socialized medical coverage now?!

Number of Ministry beanies = 1 (some kid with his parents). If you bought one of every Celine merch item you would have paid around $430. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. Cradle Of Filth is still the worst show I've seen so far this year.. So chew on this: Cradle Of Filth are worse than Celine Dion... There, I said it.

Addendum: Evidently, the San Jose show was Celine Dion's first Bay Area show in 10 years. Umlaut friend Lauraloha added her backstage experiences from back in The Day with Celine:

This has got to be the strangest review I've ever read by Umlaut. Hands down, the strangest.

Your amiga Lauraloha has worked many Celine Dion shows and I am here to report that, NO, the crew does not score alot of "pussy" because they are all very straight, hard working Canadians who have been next to Celine for most of their professional lives or so it seemed.....they all speak French, the Canadian kind, not the real stuff, and Celine joins them for all meals. Yup. Believe it.

She actually opened the door for yours truly while I stood there with two hands full of towels staring at a closed door....she came up behind me and opened the friggin door and was very nice about it. I'd like to see Lars Ulrich do that.

It's a large traveling circus family and Celine is the mama.

Did she snap her fingers and clap her one hand on her hip incessantly? That's what I remember most. That and the fucking Titanic song over and over again burned into my synapses......

Anyhow, good on ya Umlaut. Next up, Neil Diamond. That's where it really gets good.

Click HERE to relive another of Lauraloha's great Rock N' Roll adventures.

Kicking It Old School

One of Umlaut's last duties in a recent past life was to ensure the successful spawning of yet another evil for Slayer.



This evil is just now being unleashed... and I know that all of the Old Metalheads reading this are smiling... 'cause we all know that Metalheads only wore white hightops like this back in The Day!

Click HERE to visit the official VANS site for the new Slayer shoe series.

"Spill your blood, let it run on to me..."

Rain

Here comes the rain...

With Skychick in The Land Of Arthur, Umlaut heeded the weather reports and planned to spend the entire day inside Casa de Umlaut. I planned ahead, stocked the pantry with provisions, and psychologically prepared to hunker down as God shed his tears upon The Bay Area.

It was grey, gloomy, cold, and wet outside from the moment Umlaut woke up this morning.. and as today progressed I had to entertain myself as well as try to entertain the bored children of Casa de Umlaut by throwing their bones down the hallway and opening cabinets so they could explore inside them. In particular, Fredo was driving me fucking crazy; when is that dog going to get a job?

Buggers... Bored.

As I tend to do on such solitary days, I loaded the CD player (NOT iTunes) with discs and let it roll. So, this is what February 15, 2009 sounded like inside Casa de Umlaut (in running order):

• Raising Sand - Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
• All I Intended To Be - Emmylou Harris
• Appetite For Destruction - Guns N' Roses
• Death Magnetic - Metallica
• White Light, White Heat, White Trash - Social Distortion
• Hidden World - Fucked Up
• Strung Out In Heaven - The Brian Jonestown Massacre

Yeah, nothing mindblowing, but it was that comfort food kind of day. I didn't want to expand my head, I simply wanted to appease it. Which reminds me: I forgot to get some fucking potatoes to mash for dinner.. Goddammit. Maybe I'll send Fredo out to the store. To quote The Brian Jonestown Massacre: "Let's pretend that it's Summer, and a bright sunny day..."

On another note, the big secret that Umlaut was sworn to secrecy about is now public: Click HERE for the announcement.

12 Years Ago Today

It seemed like a good idea at the time...

Homecoming

Longtime readers of this space know that Umlaut is a History Geek.

Skychick's father served in World War II as a medic with the 84th Division (The Railsplitters). He was awarded the Silver Star, the Purple Heart, and other commendation during combat in Belgium and Germany in 1944-45.

For years the medals and citations were on display at Skychick's parents' house and had probably been framed sometime in the 70's. I'm only guessing at the era because of the awful orange VELVET that the items were mounted on. ORANGE VELVET?! WTF..


The first time Umlaut saw the medals I was horrified that such historical items were (1) framed in such a horrible and tacky way and (2) they were hanging in a house occupied by 2 chain smokers. Who knows what kind of damage these precious items sustained in that environment over the years!

Fast forward to the 21st Century and Skychick came to inherit the beloved frame honoring her dad's heroism and service. They were eventually relocated to the safe geek confines of Casa de Umlaut.

I kept nagging Skychick that this heirloom needed to be properly preserved with framing and mounting techniques that met museum standards. Umlaut became kind of obsessed with it and I'd go off on mini rants like "OMFG the UV rays from the sunlight are destroying the documents!!"... but I only spoke the truth.

Thankfully, the Umlaut Nation has members with an astounding variety of skills and professions. We were able to consult with Umlaut friend Heather on the subject and benefited from her knowledge, experience, and skills in the field of archiving and framing. It was also a huge relief that the treasured items could be left in the care of a trusted friend instead of at some anonymous frame shop... and Heather did a FANTASTIC job!


The difference between the original framing and Heather's museum quality work is astounding.. 100% archival materials throughout... linen background.. UV protection.. etc. etc. The items have finally been given their proper respect. Everytime I look at the frame now I'm amazed that such a piece of history hangs in Casa de Umlaut; I almost want to salute it...

On another WW2 Geek note: Holy shit, dude! Band Of Brothers on Blu-ray is astounding!

The Band Of Brothers episode 'Bastogne' is very profound at Casa de Umlaut since it follows the story of the unit's medic Eugene Roe. Not only because the story follows a medic during The Battle of The Bulge (which mirrors the experience of Skychick's dad), but also because Roe was from Louisiana, just like Skychick and her family. Eerie!

Click HERE to see Umlaut's geek photos from the National World War II Museum.

The Geeks shall inherit The Earth.

Surrounded By Idiots

After a late morning appointment in The Haight today, Umlaut found himself at Amoeba Records. While wandering the aisles I overheard:

Girl: "Like, I don't even buy CDs anymore... I download everything."

Then, while I was rifling through the used 7" bin, I had the following encounter:

Guy: "What are these?"
Me: (after a moment of WTF silence..) "7-inch singles... 45's..."
Guy: "Really? I didn't think they still made these.."

If I had acted on impulse in response to this guy it would have been justifiable homicide, right?

On a good note, Umlaut scored himself some Krisiun (Southern Storm CD) and a nice import Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers 2CD comp (Roadrunner, Roadrunner: The Berserkley Collection). Excellent.

I also saw the pictured 7" in the used bin for a mere $1.99. Umlaut's copy at home is autographed and would probably fetch at least $3.99 now! If you hurry over to Amoeba it's probably still there!

None More Black

Cradle Of Filth / Satyricon / Septicflesh
The Grand, San Francisco
February 10, 2009

An oldie but still a goodie:

Black Metal

When it comes to Black Metal (or Extreme Metal... or whatever the kids are calling it these days..), Umlaut still lives in the past with his old school Venom, Mercyful Fate, and Slayer memories. Umlaut finds alot of today's Black Metal (or Extreme Metal... or whatever the kids are calling it these days..) very silly.... Umlaut has been attending concerts for 2/3 of his life; hundreds and hundreds of shows. Umlaut will not mince words: This was one of the worst Metal shows he's ever had to endure.. Umlaut almost blew off writing about it.. but Umlaut will give it his best shot eventhough his heart ain't into it.....

It was a rainy Tuesday night in San Francisco and there was classic Will Call drama as we tried to enter the show: "You're not on The List..". It went downhill from there:

Septicflesh: From Greece. Umlaut loves falafels, but Septicflesh were awful. They had the look, but their use of backing tapes in an attempt to create drama in their songs was laughable. As I've said in the past, I can't stand Metal bands who tell a crowd exactly what to do, and Septicflesh can now be added to that list. If I hear "Show me the devil horns like this!" in a Greek accented Metal voice again it will put me off baklavas.

Satyricon: From Norway. Umlaut has never had Norwegian food, but Satyricon were awful. Satyricon are basically 2 guys (Satyr and Frost) who write and record everything and then tour with a backing band. This lack of being a 24/7 band was painfully evident onstage: When the 6 "band members" went into their synchronized headbanging, some of them threw their heads from side to side, others did the hair windmill, and still others employed the traditional style of banging. Their lack of a cohesive Metal presentation looked ridiculous, especially since all of them had obviously just washed their hair and all of that clean hair flailing all over the place looked like a product commercial; I could practically smell their conditioner from where I stood. I spent their set wondering where the guys in the band got their black button down shirts, because they were exactly the kind I like...

Cradle Of Filth: From England. Umlaut loves fish 'n chips, but Cradle were awful; Dani Filth is one of the worst Metal vocalists ever to don leather. In between songs he'd break character by saying lame banter in his squeaky normal "Daniel Davey" voice and then go back into his "Dani Filth" voice. Awful. Despite their lameness, I do still appreciate Cradle for having the most offensive band shirt ever; Umlaut once had an open box of the "Vestal Masturbation" shirt in front of him and I failed to take one. Regrets. At one point, Ray and I tried to remember the location where Jesus Christ was supposidely crucified. This was triggered by the silly stage prop Cradle had that featured a wooden cross with a comically cheesy skeleton crucified on it (Answer: Calvary). After around 4 songs, I turned to Ray and Timo and said "I'm done!" and walked out.

Dethklok shirts = 1... and it's sad that a cartoon Metal band blows away all 3 of these real bands. I didn't do a merch audit, but The Grand was 2/3 empty.. which is a bummer for Cradle's merch company, whoever that might be. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. This was 2 hours out of my life that I'll never get back.

SLAYER.

Anyway, on another note, the blackest (and coolest) thing Umlaut received over the past week was a copy of the amazing hardcover photo book True Norwegian Black Metal by photographer Peter Beste (Thanks to Mr. Sanchez and Timo for the book hook up):


The photos are amazing.. Some beautiful, some funny, some disturbing, some silly... but all are engaging. I'm a fan of Rock Stars who have no sense of irony, and these guys are the definition of that. How do you say "Rock Star" in Norwegian? However, THE blackest and best thing in the Umlaut Nation is still:

Buggers aka The Dark Prince of Casa de Umlaut!

I Don't Trust Anyone Who Doesn't Use The F-Word

Fucked Up / Mika Miko
The Independent, San Francisco
February 8, 2009

Fucked Up are different type of Punk band.. I've found it hard to explain this to people who haven't heard them, because as soon as I say "Have you heard the band Fucked Up?" some folks can't get past the name. The band's last album, The Chemistry Of Common Life, was one of my favorite albums of 2008.. The album opens with a flute solo (performed by the mom of one of the band members), but then ascends into the most glorious mayhem in recent memory.. Plus, they're Canadian.

I've been wanting to see Fucked Up for a long time but kept missing them... Gilman St... missed 'em.... Hemlock... couldn't make it... So the band's return made my old bones very happy. It also made me happy that despite the rainy night, the Umlaut Nation was nicely represented at The Independent... so a shout out to Timo, Teri, Johnny, Joey, Ray, and Hard Rock Chick.

The main support band, Mika Miko, were punky as all get-out in that Kill Rock Stars way that is still relevant; I also liked how they made comments that took the piss out of the first band. FYI: I'm not even gonna mention the first band by name because they annoyed me far too much, but basically their set seemed to be a musical version of THX-1138 (including costumes and footage from the film projected on a screen). I shit you not.. Now, if they had based their show on Howard The Duck that might have impressed me. Somewhere up in Marin County, George Lucas doesn't care.

Fucked Up played Slayer followed by cello music over the PA before they came onstage.. When they did hit the stage Damian (aka Pink Eyes) was cordial and grateful for the crowd who came out on a rainy Sunday night... but as soon as the 3 guitars, bass, and drums launched into the first song, Damian was transformed into a whirling, 300 pound dervish; at one point he did a cartwheel and spent alot of time in the crowd. He also showed alot of back and ass hair. It was the type of performance where it felt like anything could happen, and gigs don't have that vibe very often these days..

They blasted through raw renditions of 10 songs, with 'No Epiphany' being the stand out for me. Damian also free styled a song about Berkeley, Oakland, and S.F., but I have to take his word for it because I couldn't understand everything he was ad libbing, but he gets an "A" for effort. The set closed with a raucous version of 'Police' dedicated to Oscar Grant and his family (The band had played a benefit for his family at Gilman St. earlier in the day)... and then Jello Biafra joined them onstage for the encore:

'Blitzkrieg Bop'
(Video by Umlaut - Watch with the "HQ" option)

For those keeping score, this was the 3rd show in a month that found Jello and Umlaut in the same room; it feels alot like 1992 these days. Trivia: The naked guy who jumped on Damian's back was thrown out onto the sidewalk by the club's bouncers soon after he jumped into the crowd.. Yes, he was still naked. Just another rainy Sunday night in The Lower Haight, man.

Fucked Up are the type of band who could change a kid's life. Seriously. They are D.I.Y. in the best sense of the term... They have a charismatic front man and play the shit out of their instruments. They write intelligent songs about engaging subjects, such as their contempt for organized religion... They play aggressive songs you can play loud and fuck shit up... The creativity they display in the studio (such as layering 18 guitar tracks into one song to create a wall of sonic beauty) shows their vision is larger than most bands in their genre.. They put on great shows... They have a sense of humor.. They know how important vinyl albums and limited edition 7" singles are to the Music Geek experience. I wish I could be a naive teenager again to discover Fucked Up and have them steer me on the course to Music Geek enlightenment. Amen.

Gallows hoodies = 1 (mine). If you bought one of every Fucked Up merch item you would have paid around $115. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. I found it odd that The Independent censored the band's name on the flyer for the show that was plastered all over S.F., but they didn't censor it on their marquee. San Francisco can be so uptight and PC here in the 21st Century.. The "*" is a sign of repression, man.

On another note, Umlaut just received a nice e-mail from Rob of Amebix in response to my rant about their S.F. show last month. It made my morning... cue more coffee!

The Fabulous Fox

Social Distortion
The Fox Theater, Oakland, CA
February 6, 2009

This was one of those once in a lifetime shows: Opening Night of the newly restored Fox Theater! The venue was originally opened in 1928 but has been basically abandoned since 1966 (!). There was alot of press coverage about The Fox's resurrection, and tickets for this show were going for up to $100 each online.

The $75 million / 6 year restoration project was completed last year and the results are stunning; I was literally speechless as soon as we entered the theater.. It was like stepping into a time machine back to an era when people dressed up simply to see movies at theaters like The Fox.. Fast forward to the 21st Century and I was wearing a Motörhead hoodie; did hoodies even exist in the 1930's?? It's a good thing I didn't drop acid because I was tripping on all of the intricate details of the architecture and facades big time.. Jaw dropping stuff, man.

Lobby lights imported from Morocco
(Pic by Umlaut)

My Inner History Geek was also tripping that we were part of the first audience to attend a public event in the space in 43 years (!). Thankfully the Umlaut Nation was nicely represented by Timo, Miatomic, Val, Ray, and Alan.

Social D. has played many memorable shows in S.F. over the years (Remember when they played Slim's on the day Johnny Cash died and they opened with 'Wanted Man' > 'Ring Of Fire'? Me too...), but when was the last time they played a show in The East Bay?? I can't even remember.

My fascination with the venue was coming close to overshadowing the show, but whenever Social D. includes 'Bad Luck' (my fave Social D. song) in the set my Inner Music Geek kicks in, and tonight they busted it out as the 2nd song.... However, I have to say that 'When She Begins' was my fave performance of the night.... "Round and round she goes, where she stops nobody knows.."

White Light, White Heat, White Trash
(Pic by Umlaut)

It made all the difference to have the band playing a one-off show like this instead of them rolling into town as part of a grinding tour schedule. The band, and especially Ness, seemed loose onstage which made for a really great performance that channelled everything I love about Social D. perfectly. The band is like comfort food: You know what you're going to get, but it's exactly what you want. Dog bless 'em. Combined with a decent Jack & Coke from the bar and it was a perfect 90 minutes for Umlaut.

Thanks as always to Tour Manager Doug for sorting my +1.

Clash shirts = 1. If you bought one of every Social D. merch item you would have paid around $330. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. It's really cool that there's an amazing new concert venue in The Bay Area.. and the fact that it's in The East Bay means shows there should have a different vibe than the sometimes jaded S.F. crowds.

(Pic by Umlaut)

For the story and details about The Fox's restoration visit the Fox Oakland Restoration Project web site.

Meshuggah

Meshuggah / Cynic
Slim's, San Francisco, CA
February 4, 2009

I rolled into Slim's too late to see the first band (sorry to The Faceless), but unfortunately I got there in time to see Cynic. THIS is what kids call Metal today?? They're basically a nerdy Jazz Fusion band with a bushy haired guitarist who adds Metal cookie monster vocals every once in awhile. Note to Cynic: When you play "Metal" it should be "Heavy", hence the term "Heavy Metal". I was pissed because I could have stayed on my couch at Casa de Umlaut an hour longer and watched something else in Hi-Def. SO MANY things irritated me about Cynic.. but I'll let it go.

Anyway, as Meshuggah set up I was preparing my rant about Cynic in my head, but when Meshuggah hit the stage at around 10:30PM the lameness was forgotten. Halfway through the set I thought to myself that 25 years ago I could not have imagined a band as heavy as these Swedes. Holy fuck... "Wall of sound" is an understatement when it's built by Swedes wielding twin 8-string guitars, a 5-string bass, AND one of the best drummers in Metal. Who can defend against such firepower?? Not me, man. Not me. The band's power is relentless... but beautiful.

Ray and I stood next to Jello Biafra for pretty much the entire set, which was nice since Marten was wearing a DK's shirt onstage. If I had a hundred dollar bill for every time I've stood next to Jello at a show I could, like, buy every Blu-Ray disc I want... Just prior to the band going on, I noticed Jello slip downstairs to the dressing room; I think it's safe to say that a certain Swedish Rock Star met his hero in San Francisco. Awww..

Scorecard: According to the Umlaut Archives, this was my 58th visit to Slim's dating back to 1988. Yes, I keep score... it's on an Excel spreadsheet... I think it's about 90% accurate documenting every concert I've attended since losing my gig cherry in 1978. The Geeks shall inherit The Earth.

Thanks to Joel and Loana for getting me sorted on The List.

I didn't do a merch audit, but "Meshuggah" means "crazy" in Yiddish. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag. Earlier in the day, Lux Interior passed away and as I walked down Harrison Street towards my car, a dude wearing a leather miniskirt and high heels passed me walking in the other direction. Respect.

Footnote: The next morning Umlaut was late for a breakfast meeting... As I zoomed through the streets of San Francisco, Meshuggah was blasting in the car and my driving went right along with the music; I ran a red light and did not adhere to proper stop sign etiquette a couple of times. Note to self: Do not listen to Meshuggah if you are late for an appointment.

Hot Pearl Snatch

According to reports online, etc. etc. Holy fuck... Fuck... FUCK... FUCK.

I'm practically speechless... ANOTHER hero gone and we're only 35 days into 2009! W... T... F.

For Immediate Release:
February 4, 2009

Lux Interior, lead singer of The Cramps, passed away this morning due to an existing heart condition at Glendale Memorial Hospital in Glendale, California at 4:30 AM PST today.

Lux has been an inspiration and influence to millions of artists and fans around the world. He and wife Poison Ivy’s contributions with The Cramps have had an immeasurable impact on modern music.The Cramps emerged from the original New York punk scene of CBGB and Max’s Kansas City, with a singular sound and iconography. Their distinct take on rockabilly and surf along with their midnight movie imagery reminded us all just how exciting, dangerous, vital and sexy rock and roll should be and has spawned entire subcultures. Lux was a fearless frontman who transformed every stage he stepped on into a place of passion, abandon, and true freedom. He is a rare icon who will be missed dearly.

The family requests that you respect their privacy during this difficult time.

The Cramps are one of those bands who I was obsessed with at one point in my life... By my count I saw the band at least 4x, all of which were either one of their annual Halloween or New Year's Eve shows in San Francisco. Who can forget Lux onstage... climbing up onto the PA stacks... crawling around on all fours... wearing pumps... his mic jammed into his mouth.

My favorite Cramps show was probably Halloween 1993.. when they were billed as Creatures From The Black Leather Lagoon at Bimbo's...


The Cramps on Halloween was always the perfect thing.. and on this night the pit down front was pretty rollicking. At one point a guy dressed as a beer can jumped into the pit but he soon disappeared from sight. After awhile something shot up into the air and landed onstage at Lux's feet: It was the guy's beer can costume. Lock 'N Loll!

For the record, Umlaut's favorite Cramps song is 'Hot Pearl Snatch'... CRANK IT.


R.I.P. Lux... and Dog Bless you Poison Ivy.

Celluloid Hero

Umlaut and his friend Micki are like twin geek sons of different mothers. Our parallel geek paths early in life despite having grown up on the other side of the globe from each other is eerie. Long story short, click HERE for the tale of how we met. Star Wars and Metal, man... Star Wars and Metal.

Fast forward a good number of years and my buddy Micki is now a filmmaker.. and his debut short film was selected to be screened at the upcoming San Francisco Independent Film Festival!


A Killer takes us deep into the dark business of contract killing, puts us into - and then takes us from - the creepy clutches of the mob, lets us into his twisted mind and even more twisted world.

Mobsters, killers, femmes fatales... Here, there are no good guys, only the least bad. There is no redemption, only the shallowest into darkness. There is no emotion, just psychological commotion. Or is there? How far down would you go towards hell in order to achieve the ultimate promotion?

But that's nothing. The scary part is that the Killer shows he's not that different from us.

Writer-director Micki Mihich pays homage to movies and movie fans in a noir tale of murder, deception and fall from grace. But even more than a plunge into darkness, 'The 100th Job' is a plunge into coolness.

Screenings of The 100th Job are scheduled at the Roxie Theater for:

• February 14th at 12:30pm
• February 19th at 7:15pm

Hope to see y'all there! While Umlaut is happy and proud for his Metal Geek brother, he's just as jazzed to be able to hang with Micki and his partner in crime Simone again!

METAL.

The 100th Job Trailer