Back in the 20th Century, ümlaut was a xeroxed fanzine that existed from 1992-95. Despite limited distribution, loyal readers ranged from coast to coast and included Rock Stars of various credibility, including Neurosis, Sonic Youth, Melvins, and Metallica. This 21st Century version of ümlaut has been ranting since 2004 and is also the co-author of the book Murder In The Front Row.
Black Cobra Thee Parkside, San Francisco July 30, 2009
At 9:57PM this was the dilemma I found myself in:
One of my favorite bands was playing (Black Cobra).
A couple of my friends were playing (Black Cobra).
A band had put me on their guest list (Black Cobra).
So, despite being wiped out from the previous day's epic Metal Road Trip and adventure at The Magical Place, I sucked it up and rolled the Prius out of Casa de Umlaut at around 10:30PM... but not before making some coffee. Dude, I was TIRED... but I sucked it up and made my way to The Rock Show because that's what a FAN and a FRIEND does to support a band.. Seriously. Carpe diem, mofos!
Photo Ray had left the carnival coke mirrors that he'd won at the California Mid-State Fair the night before in my car, and by morning had decided he had no place for them. We all have to make hard decisions in life sometimes, man.. Unfortunately, I'm not in a good place right now to adopt a pair of carnival coke mirrors, so upon arriving at Thee Parkside I left the mirrors on the sidewalk across the street from the club and hoped some kindly (probably homeless) soul would take them and provide a good home for them. Bye bye carnival coke mirrors! Godspeed you magnificent bastards... godspeed..
ANYWAY... I made my way inside the crowded club and was immediately glad I'd decided to venture out. Within minutes I'd met up with Rafa, Jason, Justin, Dave, Billy as well as other local Music / Metal types who are considered friends of this space. The party on the patio out back was in full swing as Giant Squid were onstage, but I spent most of the time talking bizness with Justin at the merch table... Then, as Black Cobra were setting up, a bear wearing a Black Cobra shirt got the crowd primed by dancing with bar patrons as the house DJ played some Funk.
(Pic by Umlaut)
It was pretty funny... but at approximately 12:25AM it was time for The Volume to begin as Rafa and Jason commenced their set. You know, there are only a few bands over the years who have inspired me to use the term "force of nature" when attempting to describe their live performances; Black Cobra are one of those bands. It's the only analogy that fits for me... and perhaps I'm just lazy, but I use that description every time I "write" about them.. but it just fits what they create so perfectly. While watching them I always subconsciously want to grab onto the nearest thing that's bolted to the floor to prevent from being swept away on a wave of violent, brutal volume.
(Pic by Umlaut)
Thankfully I got up front in time to get a spot against the wall at stage left, which made standing up in my exhausted state that much easier... and I have to note that Black Cobra's up front fanbase seemed to be divided just about 50/50 between dudes and chicks, which I found interesting; their power speaks to everyone. The dynamic duo played an insanely tight 45 minute set that pretty much leveled the neighborhood and my head.. I then said a few quick goodbyes to folks (call me, dudes!) and it was back to The Prius for the quick drive back to Casa de Umlaut and SLEEP.
Epilogue: The carnival coke mirrors were gone from where I'd left them. I hope they are happy in their new home as I type this. Tap, tap, tap.... tap... snort.
Black Cobra's new album for the mighty Southern Lord Records (titled Chronomega) is slated for a worldwide release on September 29th. Rafa and Jason will celebrate the release with a 17-date tour in September / October of Japan and Australia, including a show in Tokyo with Coffins (!) and several shows in Australia with Nick Oliveri. You go, boyz! In the meantime, the band's 2006 Bestial CD was just given a deluxe reissue in Japan by Red Cobalt with new cover art by Alan Forbes as well as other premium extras. It sounds like a beautiful release... now if only someone can get me a copy (hint, hint..).
I didn't do a merch audit since I was basically hanging out with friends.. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag. According to the Umlaut Archives this was my 44th gig so far this year... Hope I die before I get old.
For the 2nd time this year, Umlaut ventured to a rural country fair to see a concert! With 170 miles (one way) between S.F. and Paso Robles, this show was the quintessential opportunity for a good 'ol fashioned Metal Road Trip... and since there was a work angle for me as well it was a no-brainer. Timo came through by borrowing his dad's SWEET armored personnel carrier to transport The Road Trip Crew (Timo, Photo Ray, Jerry, and Umlaut) to the White Trash belly of California. Every once in awhile you experience something that changes your life, and that's exactly what happened to all of us because of our visit to the California Mid-State Fair. It was magical, dude!
It's hard to put into words what a surreal experience arriving in Paso Robles was for The Road Trip Crew, with people who live near The Fairground's entrance charging $10 to park on their front lawns while their kids sold lemonade on the driveway. After parking the armored personnel carrier on someone's lawn, we approached the front gate and a grandmother offered to sell us discount fair tickets for $2 off the normal admission price ($6 instead of the normal $8... score!)... So, we bought scalped fair tickets from a Paso Robles grandmother and the tone was set for what would be an incredibly awesome evening in the belly of California!
Upon entering The Fairground the sights, the attractions, the aesthetic, and the people was almost overwhelming; it was like we'd landed on another planet! I felt like we'd taken a time machine back to the 1980's and I was in complete sensory overload for a good 45 minutes. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here's 2,000 words on the Mid-State Fair's earthy charms:
See The "5x World Champion" Giant Pig For $1!
Retro Low-Fi Concert Art!
I had a hard time focusing on things while walking around the fair's concourse because there was so much to take in... from the deep fried Snickers booth... to the barbeque grill / smoker that was literally as big as my Prius ("Big Bubba's Bad BBQ")... to the BB gun shooting gallery ("Hee Haw's Shootin' Guns")... to dozens of other things.. to the mindblowing people watching opportunities. Sensory... over.... load.
Best Quote:"If Led Zeppelin were still together they'd be playing here.." - One local to another as Zeppelin blasted from a beer concession.
Thanks to the Rock Godz we had brilliant 10th row seats and it's a bit of an understatement to say that the concert site was... uhh... interesting. The most bizarrely charming aspect was that the stage was set up in dirt field / outdoor rodeo arena. I imagined myself being at one of those Metal Festivals in Europe in the 80's that I'd read about as a kid when it would be raining and the crowd was knee deep in mud and piss and puke and Metal... but thankfully Paso Robles was comfortably warm on this Summer evening. However, adding to the site's... uhh... uniqueness was a cattle pen next to the bleachers that was less than 100 yards from the stage:
The stage as seen from next to the Cattle Pen (to the right)...
... the Cattle Pen.
Just prior to Whitesnake taking the stage, an MC introduced two young girls to the stage who... SANG THE NATIONAL ANTHEM?! WTF!?
(Vid by Umlaut)
I can safely say pretty much the last thing I expected to see on this day was 2 girls singing 'The Star Spangled Banner' in front of Whitesnake's backline... and, for the record, I think they should have also sang 'God Save The Queen' since both of the bands performing are British in origin; it was kind of a dis.. I'm just saying.
I'd never seen Whitesnake before... and I actually hated them during the Hair Metal 80's because I was all about Slayer, Metallica, etc.. but in recent years I must admit that if their hits come on the radio I generally don't turn them off. They hit the stage with familiar FM Radio tunes like 'Love Ain't No Stranger' and Coverdale sounded surprisingly good and his backing band (no vintage members are left..) were equally good from a solid FM Radio standpoint. I tried to count how many times Coverdale did his signature stage move (raise the mic stand upside down > mic at cock level > stroke the stand once > let the stand fall back down > sing)... but I lost count at around 6x. It's a good, solid bullshit stage move and it's probably gotten him more tail than we can even imagine. "Slide it in.. right to the top.. slide it in.. I ain't never gonna stop..."
The Signature Move in Paso Robles (Pic by Photo Ray)
I have to admit that seeing Whitesnake at a country fair worked for me, but I'm sure the country fair beer buzz I had going influenced me... no doubt. Towards the end of the set Coverdale blew his voice out and he sounded terrible.. At that point he needed Tawny Kitaen on the hood of a Jaguar ASAP to distract the crowd. However, when they launched into 'Still Of The Night' I knew the MILFs of Paso Robles would be going home happy... waiting for the night to c-c-c-c-come.
Anyway, after the "fun" of Whitesnake it was time to get serious with Judas Priest; no more mic stand posing! According to the Umlaut Archives this was the 5th time I've seen Priest dating back to 1981. On this tour, Priest decided to jump on the bandwagon like so many other veteran bands these days and play their legendary British Steel album in its entirety! Now, while Unleashed In The East has alway been my favorite Priest album, even I had to admit seeing Priest play their classic 1980 material had my head spinning, especially since it meant they would not be playing crap like 'Turbo Lover'.
It was weird seeing Priest hit the stage with little fanfare as they blasted into 'Rapid Fire', but when they then slammed into 'Metal Gods' my Inner Teenage Metalhead awoke in all its Hulk-like glory.. METAL!! I was hoping Halford would acknowledge nearby Soledad State Prison with a dedication before 'Breaking The Law' that might have gone something like this:
"This one's for anyone who's dropped the soap at Soledad!! It's called Breaking the what?! Breaking the what!? Breaking... The Law!!!"
But, alas, he didn't.
Long story short: British Steel... in its entirety... WOW. Halford sounded better than he has on recent tours and it still amazes me how great K.K. Downing and Glenn Tipton still look and play. They're still the ultimate Metal Guitar Duo, dude... and hearing 'Living After Midnight' never gets old for me... and having 'The Rage' in the setlist for the first time ever was pretty mindblowing.. but the highlight for me was 'Steeler'! "Kiss of Judas... spider like.."
After the British Steel portion of the set, Priest continued with a set that included the title song off their last album (Nostradamus) and greatest hits that included the likes of 'The Ripper' (!), 'Diamonds & Rust' (!!... performed electric the way it should be and not acoustic as they've done on recent tours... Thank Dog!), and 'Victim Of Changes'... Man, I still get chills down my spine watching K.K. go into his solo spot during 'Victim'; it's cool to still have that connection with my Inner Teenage Metalhead over stuff like that.. We've been best friends for so long.
THANKS to Old Metal Tim for the After Show passes, but instead of rubbing elbows with Rock Stars we got caught back up in the magical wonder that is the Mid-State Fair again. We followed the crowd back into The Fairground, which was open for another 90 minutes and the rides were all fully lit up in the night sky and the energy and fun in the air was thick enough to cut with a knife... and it was a Wednesday School Night! At that point The Road Trip Crew suddenly became hungry and we descended upon various food (and beer) kiosks for one last round of Mid-State Fair hospitality. So, while Old Metal Tim was witnessing Ron Jeremy chat with Glenn Tipton backstage (Ron Jeremy in Paso Robles!?), I was meeting *real* Paso Robles people like this guy:
(Pic by Umlaut)
Is that magnificent or what!? Metal! Fuck that celebrity shit! This guy was *real*, man... REAL!! To top it off, Timo and Photo Ray both won carnival coke mirrors from carnies by throwing darts at balloons. To quote Photo Ray: "What happens in Paso Robles stays in Paso Robles!" REAL!
Big City Hipsters will make fun of a place like Paso Robles and an event like the Mid-State Fair, but both completely rule. Big City Hipsters can go fuck off and die! The people in Paso Robles were without self-consciousness and wearing whatever they wanted, whether it was 15 years out of date or not, and everyone was having a good time... and having FUN is what life should be about. At one point I was walking on the concourse and a guy walking in the other direction leaned over as he passed me and said in a polite voice "Metaaaliica..." in response to my vintage 1994 Tour shirt. He was so polite about it... REAL!
The Road Trip Crew made a pact to make the trek to see at least one band in Paso Robles every Summer moving forward. I wish we'd known about the Mid-State Fair's charms sooner, goddammit! We also came to the conclusion that the area must also be where Free Range Strippers are raised; there must be something in the water.
Number of Iron Maiden shirts = 25 (at least!). I was so caught up in everything I looked at the merch but didn't do an audit, but it's nice to see that Priest has a merch company who does quality work. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. Due to the 170 mile or so return trip, I didn't roll back into Casa de Umlaut until 3:12AM... but the previous 12+ hours was something I will never forget. I want to move to the Mid-State Fair and live there forever.. It's a magical place:
(Vid by Umlaut)
Click HERE for Umlaut's photo memories from Paso Robles..
For the record, this was Umlaut's 3rd gig doubleheader night so far this year, the previous doubleshots being Leonard Cohen > Green Day and Cheap Trick > Coffins. Unfortunately, this doubleheader was nowhere near as exciting or inspiring.. However, as an excuse, I could say that I *had* to attend these shows "for work" and a guest list is a guest list.. and I will play that card.. so without further ado: My night "at work" went something like this:
I knew going into this show that it was not going to be an "Umlaut" show.. but thankfully Umlaut friends Photo Alan and Hard Rock Chick were in attendance to give the show the proper journalistic slant and they had my back in case I got into a fistfight. Anyway, I'll just cut to the chase:
Dommin: I know, I know, this is a chick band.. but I wanted to see this gothy band at least once "properly" in a dark club versus the first time I saw them under the hot Summer Sun. I have to admit I found Dommin's onstage drama of having roses placed like guitar picks onstage to be plucked and tossed into the crowd entertaining in a Metrosexual sorta way... and the chicks dig it. I was also entertained by how the drummer doesn't seem to have natural rhythm while playing.. I mean, he holds it down alright, but it's almost like he's battling some inner metronome that's counter to what he needs to be playing. It was like watching someone counting with their fingers, if that image makes sense. Anyway...
Seventh Void: Two dudes from Type O Negative (I just threw up a little in my mouth..) trying to do the Down / Black Label Society thing but coming off like a Soundgarden cover band. Evidently this was the final show of the tour and, near the end of 7V's set, members of Dommin pranked them with balloons and silly string and a sign that read "You've Been Domminated"... HaHa.. "Domminated" geddit!?? HaHa...ha........ ha.... uhhhh... Remember when bands would prank other bands with strippers? Me too. Anyway...
Kill Hannah: It's been awhile since I've been at a show and thought to myself "What the fuck am I even doing here??" Kill Hannah came on and the sound of screaming girls down front was as loud as the PA and I literally could not believe that I was wasting time from my life watching this crap band. On my deathbed I will regret wasting this 25 minutes that I could have used more wisely... and I won't spend another second even typing about them. Anyway...
I was basically "at work" so I shouldn't complain. I didn't do a merch audit because I was too dumbfounded that I was even at this show. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. It was obvious that most of the audience were fanboys there to see Cristina Scabbia, but Kill Hannah kept making me look at my watch... so it was off to the 2nd feature of the evening before The Italian even arrived onstage. Ciao bella!
I knew going into this show that it was not going to be an "Umlaut" show.. but thankfully Hard Rock Chick was in attendance to give the show the proper journalistic slant and she had my back in case I got into a fistfight... and Wexford Girl and The Bassist were there to answer some work questions I had (I'm not kidding..).
We walked in as Mini Mansions were playing and I was struck by how musical and pop sensible they were, which was probably a reaction to the crap bands I'd just left. The band features the current bassist from Queens Of The Stone Age (NOT Oliveri) and after their set I dropped $5 for their 8-song "limited edition" CD (I got #13 / 500), which is actually a CD-R... but whatever.. DIY, dudes. As I type this I'm listening to the CD-R and I can confirm that my reaction to their set was definitely a reaction to the 2 hours I'd spent at Slim's prior to seeing them. Uhh... sorry MM but I probably won't be listening to your CD-R that much moving forward.
I actually like the Spinnerette album... and obviously, Brody Dalle has always had the Courtney Love *thing* about her and as their set played out I kept having flashbacks to seeing Hole when Courtney was in her pre-Mrs. Cobain glory. Brody is pretty good with the slurry, drunk *thing* onstage.. but if she could just focus her act a bit she could transcend the Courtney *thing*... Plus, getting slurry drunk onstage while swigging Coronas is kinda lightweight, babe. Remember when bands would get slurry drunk onstage while swigging Jack? Me too. That being said, the version of 'All Babes Are Wolves' stood up to the album version and was my favorite song that I heard all night.
The thing that struck me about both of the shows on this night was that I could wander around (to the merch table, to the can, to the bar..) and not pay attention to the bands, but when I returned my attention to the stage I didn't feel like I'd missed anything. Afterwards, I realized neither show had any sense of danger or unpredictability whatsoever... both of them were safe and packaged and, despite the trappings of being edgy, there was very little chance of anything profound happening. To quote the Stooges: "Gimme danger, little stranger." Anyway...
I was basically "at work" so I shouldn't complain. If you bought one of every Spinnerette merch item you would have spent around $120; it's nice to see a merch company do quality work. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. Upon returning to Casa de Umlaut I made myself a delicious Boca Burger that was actually the most profound thing I experienced the entire night.
Jesse James has a new show on SPIKE TV called Jesse James Is A Dead Man. I've only seen bits of it while channel surfing, but evidently James often wears the Slayer motorcycle helmet that Umlaut was responsible for bringing into the world:
My Black Kittie fucking rules; this was not posed! Black Kittie came up as I was doing laundry... Yes, I fold my Metal shirts.
"Welcome to my world Involve yourself within my dream Experience a life Just like your mind thought not to be Take a look through time At past or present worlds to be I rule this inferno Enthroned for eternity.."
Back in the early-90's the only merch items I was really interested in from concerts were tour books or pewter pendants. Not many bands do these heavy duty pendants anymore, which is too bad. Anyway, what we have here is (starting at the top and moving clockwise):
Metallica - I can't remember where I got this one...
Danzig - The Warfield, San Francisco - August 14, 1993
Faith No More - The Warfield, San Francisco - August 19, 1992
Metallica - The Rose Bowl, Pasadena, CA - October 3, 1992
Iggy Pop - The Warfield, San Francisco - September 29, 1993
Soundgarden - The Greek Theater, Berkeley - June, 4, 1994
Black Sabbath - The Warfield, San Francisco - August 1, 1995
"The Horns" - Some Flea Market, Barcelona, Spain - December 1993
Ministry - Bill Graham Civic Auditorium, San Francisco - December 23, 1992
Lynyrd Skynyrd - Concord Pavilion, Concord, CA - July 31, 1994
Motörhead - San Jose State Event Center, San Jose, CA - March 3, 1994
White Zombie - DNA Lounge, San Francisco - March 23, 1993
It's some pretty cool Music Geek detritus, right? Okay.. back into the drawer y'all go..
Goatwhore Thee Parkside, San Francisco July 14, 2009
I wasn't even gonna "review" this show because I was embarrassed... but I'm man enough to admit when I've fucked up.
Prior to the show, Wexford Girl and The Bassist met me at Taqueria Cancun for a pre-show meal.. Then we few, we happy few, made our way to Potrero Hill for the gig.
I've seen Goatwhore at least 3x in the past, most notably with Venom / High On Fire and then Celtic Frost / Sun O))) in 2006.. both times at The Fillmore. To be blunt, I wasn't impressed with them... so I basically went to this show just to hang with Wexford Girl and The Bassist. Seeing the bands kinda wasn't even on my agenda.
After Dååth played we checked out the merch table quite extensively ('cause it's what we do) and I got a copy of the new Goatwhore CD because I had been hearing good things about it... and despite my previous history with them I was willing to give the Louisiana boys another chance.. up to a point.
Long story short, Wexford Girl and I planted ourselves at a table on the outdoor patio and got immersed in talking about work while The Bassist kept it real and checked out the band. During Goatwhore, Wexford Girl and I talked, talked, talked, and talked shop and didn't make a move towards the sweat box indoor area and the stage. Actually, I think we thought about making the move once.. but didn't. I did think to myself that the band sounded pretty good.. at least from a distance... but we just kept talking talking talking talking.
After Goatwhore's set, The Bassist returned drenched in sweat and in a Metal euphoria from the set... which made me realize that I should have checked the band out... but... Wexford Girl and I had chosen to talk talk talk talk.
Anyway, fast forward: I got home and put the new Goatwhore CD on and... it's fucking GREAT. Goddammit... It's noticeably Venom / Celtic Frost-ish, but in a good way. Goddammit.. Posers like me will pay the price. Thank dog they're coming back to S.F. in September so that I may redeem myself in the eyes of Metal.
Rock Star Sighting: Matt of High On Fire. On the way back to the car, some-pimply faced teenagers called me a fag. I can't remember the last time I was such a Metal Poser... I'm so ashamed.
Whenever I've posted on this subject in the past it's been about some new batch of vinyl records or CDs that have nested at Casa de Umlaut. However, I was sitting at my desk and happened to look up into my glass Geek display case and noticed something I thought would probably make for a good subject since I'm bored tonight:
(From the Umlaut Archives)
This is the one of a kind, only one ever made, pre-production, unpainted (obviously) sample of the infamous Lemmy action figure that was briefly sold in 2008. Metal.
Long story short, Umlaut was responsible for this bit of Merchandising history. Yes, this was officially licensed and approved by Lemmy himself.. However, in the end, the figure was only sold for a short time before... uhhh... a breach of contract resulted in the manufacturer being forced to pull it from the market.
Click HERE to see Lemmy's reaction to himself recreated in miniature. I'm still dubious about it, but if Lemmy was happy with it that's all that matters, man. Anyway... Probably not as exciting as a new batch of limited edition colored vinyl 7" singles with gatefold picture sleeves.. but it'll have to do since it's all I got to give tonight.
Mayhem Tour Sleep Train Amphitheatre, Marysville, CA July 10, 2009
A Metal Road Trip with Umlaut's music journalist friends Photo Ray and Hard Rock Chick (HRC)!! SPECIAL! Sometimes arriving early at a big festival seems like a good idea until you actually do it... especially when you have to travel over 100 miles to bumfuck Marysville and its scorched Earth Summer heat. I think the weather forecast for the day was "blow torch with a chance of lava.." I was too fried from spending all day under the hot Marysville White Trash Summer Sun to do a "proper" review of this day, so I'm simply going to do a Harper's Index style list:
Times I heard a band say "pit" or "circle pit" to the audience = 7
Behemoth: I was half expecting the Poles to melt under the intense heat of the afternoon, but their Black Metal makeup didn't run and they blasted through a great set. However, I have to admit it was almost more entertaining seeing them backstage afterwards sans makeup... and I know HRC will agree with me.
Bullet For My Valentine: My 4th time seeing the Welsh Rock Stars and I still like them despite the fact they tend to remind me of my past professional history. No, Bullet are not Emo despite their name... and '4 Words (To Choke Upon)' is still a good song. Does that make me a Poser? Oh well...
Cannibal Corpse: This was the best set of the day for pure uncut Metal brutality; the pit action was intense and magnified by the heat like ants under a magnifying glass. At one point it was obvious someone was down in The Pit, but it took forever for the medical staff to arrive with a stretcher and fight their way to the injured. It was the only time during the day that the intensity of the crowd matched the intensity of the music.. cue 'Fucked With A Knife'.
Killswitch Engage: I watched their set on the t.v. monitors in the VIP bar... unlike the last time I saw them, at least the guitarist didn't brag about being a pedophile in between songs.. but I can't imagine they were much better in person versus the t.v. monitors. Plus, they somehow think it's cool to wear those novelty t-shirts with a tuxedo printed on the front onstage.. NOT Metal. Slayer: The masters opened with 'God Hates Us All' > 'War Ensemble'... AND they're playing 'Ghosts Of War' on this tour! Despite the GA floor, this was probably the tamest Slayer crowd I've ever seen; about 1/2 of the people around me were sitting down! WTF... but the band's solid 60 minute set was awesome as usual.. There were no Marshall cabinets arranged into upside down crosses onstage this time, but they made up for it with FIRE:
Slayer!! Fire! (Vid by Umlaut)
I've been following Slayer since Day One... and I still love them long time. Awww...
(Sidebar: Umlaut needs to upgrade his point & shoot camera to one with (1) a better microphone that can handle high volume levels and (2) one that is good with low light situations sans flash. If anyone has brand / model suggestions please e-mail me!)
Marilyn Manson: I completely missed his set because Paschke invited me to visit the Angel Of Death's tour bus with him, where that band's new album was played for us. Yes, it's FUCKING GREAT!!!
For the second time within a week this concert was also punctuated by a weird encounter with an "ex" from my professional life... which was a bit awkward.. but it was a good thing I had business cards with me. Fook 'em.
Holy shite, the drive back from bumfuck Marysville is brutal... Cheers to Photo Ray for driving; I owe you one! I didn't even bother doing a merch audit. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. As I pulled off the freeway towards Casa de Umlaut my normal route was blocked by some heavy police activity around the local gas station... Friday Night Crimes!
Mayhem Tour Shoreline Amphitheatre, Mountain View, CA July 11, 2009
Since I wanted to coordinate my arrival with some colleagues, I was able to hang out and chill at Casa de Umlaut for most of the afternoon. Although the previous day had been good, this was a different Mayhem experience than bumfuck Marysville.. It was a more relaxed day for me, mainly because some underlying professional drama that had distracted me in bumfuck Marysville was basically resolved in Mountain View. Longtime readers know that I live to see concerts, but I can't remember the last time I was in such a good mood at a show. Anyway, here's the long and the short of the day from my perspective:
Behemoth: I arrived too late to see their set, but as I entered the backstage common area the Poles were eating sans makeup. I was taken aback that these beings, who appear to be inhuman Metal Gods onstage, eat common food like mere mortals and even use common human eating utensils. Shocking...
Job For A Cowboy: They're not necessarily bad, but I've never been able to get past their name...
Trivium: I've never liked this band, even when they were helping to pay my mortgage... and I thought it was funny that the bassist is all short-haired and GQ now when he used to try so hard to be Metal.
Bullet For My Valentine: While attempting to get to the side of the stage to watch Bullet's set we had to deal with a clueless venue security person who didn't understand the meaning of "All Access". However, Bullet's set paled in comparison to their bassist's chick stalking moves later that night...
Dude, the crowd was out of control!! It was the only time during the day that the intensity of the crowd matched the intensity of the music.. cue 'Fucked With A Knife'.
Killswitch Engage: I watched their set on the t.v. monitors in the Angel Of Death's dressing room... but I can't imagine they were much better in person versus the t.v. monitors. Plus, they somehow think it's cool to wear those novelty t-shirts with a tuxedo printed on the front onstage.. NOT Metal.
Note: At this point I must give a HUGE THANKS to HRC for upgrading me to the 3rd row!
Slayer: They say a picture is worth 1,000 words... well here is one thousand words about Slayer from this night..
Kerry King amid fire and smoke onstage from the 3rd row (Pic by Umlaut)
I can't remember the last time I watched Slayer from this close with the volume from the PA moving my clothes.. According to the Umlaut Archives this was at least my 17th time seeing Slayer dating back to 1984... and I'm pretty sure I said "Amazing!" out loud after almost every song.. with the set closing sprint of 'Angel Of Death' > 'South Of Heaven' > 'Raining Blood' being one of the highlights of my year. In addition to my senses being assaulted from the stage, my head was spinning (in a good way) about the professional drama that had basically been resolved during the day. I actually got kind of emotional as I thought about that drama and the juxtaposition of it with fucking Slayer being onstage right in front of me again. Yes, I'm the type of sensitive guy who can get emotional about Slayer. Does that make me a pussy? If so, then let me be guilty..
Marilyn Manson: I hadn't seen Manson live in 12 years and was not planning to watch his entire set, but since I found myself in the 3rd row I got caught up in the moment. I suppose Manson is trying to create theater onstage, and since I was in such a good mood I went with it. Some of the shtick was silly of course, like having a roadie give him a bottle of water, take only ONE sip every time, and then either throw it down or give / toss it to someone in the front row; I regret not counting how many times he did that. Kudos to any of the Manson Kidz in the front row who got one of the water bottles;they now have some Manson DNA for their collection and / or Ebay.
Manson amid confetti and smoke from the 3rd row (Pic by Umlaut)
There were also a couple of "wardrobe people" onstage who would alternately bring Manson different stage clothes or props and / or an oxygen tank so he could take a hit. Silly.. but in the end I was surprised that I actually enjoyed his set, although I only knew 2 songs.
For the third time within a week this concert was also punctuated by a weird encounter with an "ex" from my professional life... which was a bit awkward.. but it was a good thing I had business cards with me. Fook 'em.
Then it was time to go home and sleep! I didn't do a merch audit again. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. As I started the drive back to Casa de Umlaut, my iPod on shuffle played 'South Of Heaven'. So... fucking... perfect.. Dude, the lyrics perfectly reflect events that are going on in Umlaut's World right now. To quote the mighty Slayer:
"An unforeseen future nestled somewhere in time.. Unsuspecting victims, no warnings, no signs.. Judgement Day, the second coming arrives..."
If you're one of those whose perception of Green Day is stuck in 1994 then bummer for you, man.. You might as well stop reading this right now. For the rest of you: Back in April, Umlaut got a taste of what was ahead with Green Day. IMO Green Day are The Who of their generation and Umlaut, like, totally digs them... If this loses me even more of my overrated cred with Metalheads I really don't give a shit.. 'cause I'll always have more Metal cred than you... seriously. My resume is available upon request, dude.
As soon as this tour was announced Skychick and I had decided we'd be making a road trip up to the Northwest. We arrived in Jet City 2 days early with the intent of playing tourist but, within hours of landing, real life intruded to ruin our vacation for the next 24 hours. Long story short: The dogs ran away at home (which they've NEVER done before) and the asshole, soulless housesitter COMPLETELY fucked us over. Bottom line: Casa de Umlaut is extremely fortunate to have some unbelievably compassionate and good friends and neighbors who basically worked to locate and rescue Dixie and Fredo. Epilogue: Fuck that housesitter. The thought of him walking away from his responsibilities while my dogs sat terrified and alone in the Humane Society shelter is something I'll never forgive; where's my baseball bat? Fuck.... that... housesitter.
On the afternoon we arrived, Skychick and I randomly decided to have lunch at The Pike Brewing Company which happened to be across the street from The Four Seasons. I figured the band and crew were staying there, but I hadn't checked in with Tour Manager Doug (TMD) yet. During our meal, all of the drama back at home unfolded on us via cell phone calls... but at one point I noticed a couple of dudes being seated near us and recognized one as Green Day Security. Long story short, after leaving the pub we found ourselves sitting next to TMD as he held court in the lobby of The Four Seasons with various band and crew members, which would have been more fun if we hadn't been worried sick about the dogs back home (Fuck that housesitter..).
The next morning was spent on cell phones working with our unbelievably compassionate and good friends and neighbors as they located and returned Dixie and Fredo to Casa de Umlaut. The one highlight of the morning was going to the Starbucks across the street from the hotel and witnessing the woman in front of me tip the female cashier by sticking some dollar bills in her cleavage stripper-style; it was hotter than the coffee.
That afternoon, once the dogs were safely back at home and a new housesitter was in place, Skychick and I finally did tourist shit like visit the Space Needle and Experience Music Project (EMP). The EMP's current exihibition features a history and retrospective on Nashville's Hatch Show Print, which was pretty cool and also featured the stage clothes of Country legends such as Hank Williams and Johnny Cash. The exhibition reminded me that I have a Hank Williams Hatch Print in my closet that I need to get framed (DOH!).. The EMP's Hendrix collection was interesting, but I was more interested in having my pic taken with Michael Jackson's glove on the eve of his funeral:
Thriller...
That night, on the way back to the hotel, some 206 kidz tried to bait me with racist heckling... Sorry, me no speaky Ching Chong, dudes. Then it was time to R-O-C-K in the U-S-A.
The first date of Umlaut's Stalking Tour Manager Doug 2009-2010 World Tour was nicely packed with close to 17,000 jammed into venerable Key Arena. Prior to the show we had a lovely dinner and quality time with Umlaut Nation members Lance, Beth, and Nina who were going to The Big Rock Show with us. After dinner we few, we happy few, made our way onto The Monorail for the quick ride to the arena.
When we arrived at the venue, Will Call was a total clusterfuck as there was one line for all of the Will Call windows (Ticketbastard sales, band guest list, etc..) so literally hundreds of people stood in a single line. Maybe it was because of the hot weather, but I was a total dick and cut in front of all those hundreds of people to get my Will Call envelope. Sorry, folks...
The anticipation inside the venue was thick enough to cut with a knife and it spiked as the band's intro music went from Cheap Trick > Jacko > Queen > Ramones songs while a roadie in a Pink Bunny costume led the crowd in a cheer.. Then the houselights went down and the crowd's roar / screaming was pretty deafening.
The first 45 minutes of the set was made up of songs from the 21st Century Breakdown and American Idiot albums, with the highlight for me being 'Holiday' and the vintage WW2 archival footage that was projected on the screen behind the stage. You can't go wrong with vintage WW2 footage, man! I'm just saying.. AND another highlight was seeing vintage Gilman St. and Bay Area Punk flyers from Big Wayne's collection projected on the screen during 'Jaded'!! It was surreal and cool seeing a flyer for Neurosisprojected 20 feet high during an Arena Rock show.. and even cooler knowing that the flyers were in the show because of an Old Metal connection (Big Wayne > TMD).. Umlaut's world is *this* small sometimes.
In recent years, I've become amazed how versatile Green Day are onstage; they are no longer simply that snotty MTV Punk band, but a genuine Arena Rock band in the finest tradition of the term. While their set is generally pretty scripted, there are many moments every night where their interaction with the crowd encourages spontaneity and it's cool watching how the entire band rolls with whatever comes their way. Very few bands have the confidence or balls to let that happen these days.
In Seattle, at least 6 people were pulled from the crowd at different points during the show (including Billie Joe's older sister... !) to interact with the band's show. During the encore, Billie Joe pulled a kid out of the audience who said he could play 'Jesus Of Suburbia'... and the kid played the entire 9 minutes flawlessly!! It was UNBELIEVABLE.. and TMD confirmed the kid was not a plant and it was a completely random incident. Metallica has never pulled a kid out of the crowd to play the 9 minutes of 'Master Of Puppets' with them... I'm just saying.
Backstage there was an epic Old Metal reunion with Umlaut, TMD, and K.J. Doughton all appearing in the same room together for the first time since probably 1984! Trivia: TMD and K.J. were both on Slayer's first road crew during that band's first tour and their war stories from those early times are epic and hilarious... like the time Slayer crashed at K.J.'s parents' house and his mom made the band pancakes. Oh, and K.J. once ran the official fan club for a little band called Metallica too. We may all be Green Day fans now, but we're still WAY more Metal than you'll ever be, kidz..
Ye Olde Metalheads: Umlaut, K.J., TMD..
Also backstage, K.J.'s 11-year old son lost a tooth... which was pretty Metal of him as well.. although it wasn't very cool of K.J. to punch his son like that (I'M JOKING!).
Rock Star Sightings: Duff McKagan (who wore his sunglasses indoors the entire night) and producer of the band's latest album Butch Vig.. I was impressed that Vig had a firm handshake and introduced himself ("Butch Vig") to everyone he was introduced to.. Didn't Vig produce, like, every album that mattered in the early 90's?
Who shirts = 1 (mine). If you bought one of every Green Day merch item you would have paid >$700. On the way back to the hotel, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. As we left the arena at around 12:30AM there was a MARATHON being run in the streets of Seattle that made it harder for us to return to our hotel. Who runs a MARATHON after midnight!?
Then 24 hours later it was:
Green Day GM Place, Vancouver, Canada July 4, 2009
The next morning, Skychick and I hopped on a "tour bus" heading North; how do you sing 'Tiny Dancer' in Canadian? OMFG, the butch Canadian border guard was a fucking bitch!! Skychick and I were grilled with questions for several minutes, including this exchange:
Ms. Border Guard: "Have you ever been to Canada?" Me: "Yes... 15 years ago.." Ms. Border Guard: "Fifteen years? Why haven't you been back sooner?!"
I almost snapped and said "Because it's CANADA..." but I didn't feel like having a Maple Leaf fist shoved up my ass so I simply said "There were other places to visit.."... which was actually very smart ass of me, but Ms. Border Guard just gave me a hard stare and then asked "Have you ever been convicted of a crime.."... etc. etc.. and so began our visit to the oppressive Socialist state of Canada. Green Day: Behind The Maple Leaf Curtain!
It's always interesting spending July 4th in a foreign country; it makes you realize that not everyone blows up things on the 4th day of the 7th month every year. Seeing Green Day in an oppressive Socialist society like Canada was an eye opening experience. The people are starving for anything from America (or as the Canadians call it "America, eh..") and Green Day's Rock & Roll (or as the Canadians call it "Rock And Roll, eh..") is a profound symbol of Capitalist freedom that gives the people living under their oppressive Socialist regime some hope. Canadians may rationalize that this oppression is okay because it gives them free health care, but this society also begat Celine Dion and Loverboy so it's debatable whether a greater good has come out of the "Canadian Experiment". Discuss amongst yourselves.
Getting into the venue was easier than the previous night since Skychick and I were able to flash our magic plastic and walk in the back door... but I was halfway expecting another grilling by a Canadian authority figure. When we settled in our seats I noticed that the dude next to us had a And Justice For All tattoo on his arm. Sad but true. It's also always interesting seeing the song 'American Idiot' performed in front of a foreign audience since the crowd seems to sing the line "I don't wanna be an American Eeedeeeot!!" with an especially intense fervor. On the last tour, Umlaut witnessed this in Amsterdam and London and it was no different in Vancouver.... but after two shows I have to say my favorite song of the set was the new anthem 'The Static Age'.
As in Seattle, Billie Joe pulled a kid out of the audience who said he could play 'Jesus Of Suburbia'... but unlike the kid in Seattle this kid failed. I was watching what he was "playing" and it was obvious he had been turned down in the mix since his bullshit moves like sliding the pick down the strings was not heard over the PA. Finally, the guitar was gently taken away from him midsong and he was politely returned to the pit.. all done without the band missing a note in the song. Amazing... but an example of how Green Day's live sponteniety sometimes doesn't work.. but it still makes for a great concert experience. As TMD said afterwards "I think we got lucky on opening night.."
Another major reason why Umlaut digs Green Day is because they play arenas the way they should be played... with PYRO, PYRO, and more PYRO.
Vids by Umlaut
Green Day uses more PYRO than Metallica and AC/DC... and that's a good thing. If you're one of those whose perception of the band is stuck in 1994, then bummer for you, man.
Backstage I had a weird encounter with an "ex" from my professional life... which was a bit awkward.. but it was a good thing I had business cards with me. TMD also introduced us to the guy who designed Green Day's new stage; his past stage design clients include Beyonce (Okay, everyone at once: "That's NOT Punk!"). Celebrity Gossip: John Cusack was in town filming a new movie and was supposed to attend the show, but couldn't make it because he was picking his g/f up at the airport. Umlaut's High Fidelity moment was so close..
Yes, Umlaut is METAL at heart... but I always leave a Green Day show with a smile on my face.. and sometimes that's more important than METAL.
Vid by Umlaut
Umlaut's Inner Music Geek found it fascinating watching a major band develop its new live show from pre-album release sneak shows in clubs to the first shows of their international arena / stadium tour. Over the past 3 months I was fortunate to have seen 6 Green Day shows (3 in clubs, 1 in a theater, and 2 in arenas) and the progression was cool to witness... The first club show in April (the band's first time onstage in 3 years) was tentative and very loose, with the band displaying nervousness while playing the new songs. Fast forward to these first arena shows and the band displayed their veteran stage presence and worked the huge crowds effortlessly... and it was cool to see that the audiences at both shows was a mix of old and young fans and not exclusively the Hot Topic crowd that some people think the band draws; if you're one of those whose perception of the band is stuck in 1994, then bummer for you, man. Green Day are THE best Arena Rock band going today.
THANKS as always to Tour Manager Doug for taking care of us at The Big Rock Shows. Keep it real out there, my brutha.
Obituary shirts = 1. If you bought one of every Green Day merch item you would have paid >800 Canadian Dollars. On the way back to the hotel, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. I'll say it again: Green Day are The Who of this generation.
While I was in Vancouver I wore my Anvil - 'Metal On Metal' shirt and the only people in Canada who acknowledged it were (1) a guy who worked in a liquor store and (2) Tré Cool. Ohh... Canada.
Black Cobra 
(Pic by Umlaut)
(Pic by Umlaut)
