Back in the 20th Century, ümlaut was a xeroxed fanzine that existed from 1992-95. Despite limited distribution, loyal readers ranged from coast to coast and included Rock Stars of various credibility, including Neurosis, Sonic Youth, Melvins, and Metallica. This 21st Century version of ümlaut has been ranting since 2004 and is also the co-author of the book Murder In The Front Row.
Going into the show I didn't know much about Secrets Of The Moon other than (1) they are from Germany (2) they are on their first tour of the States and (3) Umlaut friend Midwest Metal Tom gave their recent Chicago show a positive review.
Secrets Of The Moon
This was a packaged bill with Moonspell and Divine Heresy... neither of whom I wanted to see... I was only there to see Secrets Of The Moon. Sorry, just being honest. Anyway, Halloween was in the air... but you'll never guess what color everyone was wearing in the club.... Nope! It was BLACK.. I know, right?
Unfortunately, they flip flopped the running order of the lineup tonight and Divine Heresy went on first; it was unfortunate because we had to suffer through their set. I don't want to waste too much time on this: The guitarist from Fear Factory is in the band. They were awful. Divine Heresy are the kind of Jock Metal band that ruined Metal for so long. A glance at the pit said it all: Mostly bald white boyz shoving one another; it wasn't even a proper pit... They were just shoving each other. Awful... but there were enough knuckle draggers in the house to make the band's set a success, and it bummed me out that crap had triumphed.
In hindsight it was probably a good thing that Divine Heresy played before Secrets Of The Moon (SOTM), because it gave the night perspective. It's always a little more interesting seeing a Metal band from Europe, if only because they've traveled all that way to play. You can generally tell if a band is from Continental Europe because they're wearing engineer boots. Check it out sometime.
I'll just cut to the chase: SOTM owned San Franfuckingcisco on this night.... COMPLETELY. Watching them reminded me of the first time I heard Celtic Frost... at least that's what popped into my head. You could tell this was a seasoned band and they made the absolute most of their time onstage... No bullshitting... No "It's so nice to be here on our first visit to America" banter... They didn't even really *look* at the audience... It was like they were looking past the audience into a void and they were playing their music to appease that void... I'm serious, man. SOTM performed on another, higher level than most bands that I've seen recently.
Although I was entranced by the entire band's performance, the rhythm section of LSK (that's her "name"...) and Thelemnar (that's his "name"...) was tight, I was particularly caught up in the black TONE that Ar (that's his "name"...) created on rhythm guitar as he wielded a 7-string Schecter axe. Evidently Ar is only a member of the touring band; interesting. At one point in their set, frontman sG (that's his "name"...) addressed the audience and said "We are Secrets Of The Moon and we are from The Old World.." He said that in such a matter-of-fact, confident, and bold way that I felt like I was only an infant in the presence of this band who had traveled from a country whose history extends back to Roman Times... and I wanted to join them to stare into that void they were trying to appease... and I did.. and I will.
After SOTM we headed back out into the black San Francisco night before Moonspell's set. I'm not a fan... just being honest. After SOTM there was no reason to watch another band on this night anyway.
If you bought one of every Secrets Of The Moon merch item you would have paid $40... and I did. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. According to the Umlaut Archives this was my 74th gig of 2009 and it's pretty fucking cool that at this point in the year I saw a band who blew me away.... COMPLETELY.
Umlaut rolled over to The Independent EARLY (like, 5:30pm)... mainly so I could get some hangtime with my bruthas Black Cobra but also to avoid the pain of trying to park later in the evening. Parking around The Independent is THE worst for any venue in S.F.. Awful. However, my effort paid off as I scored a parking space no more than 100 feet from the venue's entrance. Appropriately, as I got out of the Prius, Black Cobra (Jason and Rafa) were just finishing their load-in, so meeting up with them was just... that... easy. I hadn't seen the lads since just before they left for their 17-date Japan / Australian tour over a month ago so it was good seeing them again... and this show was only the 6th one in their current 24-city U.S. trek with Pelican that runs into December. Road Dogs!
During soundcheck I realized that the thought of getting food afterwards is the best part of a soundcheck if you're not in the band. Dude, I was starving... but the band's run through of the new song 'Chronosphere' sounded really good.
While the band finalized their gear and merch setup, I met up with Dave outside and we headed down the block to Fly, where we were soon joined by the Road Dogs Rafa and Jason. Over dinner we discussed Black Metal, recent Horror movies, and the band's just-completed tour of Japan and Australia. It was cool spending some time with my bruthas just shooting the shit... Not long into the meal, Rafa's friend arrived and informed us that the fucking Bay Bridge was shut down because a cable had snapped, smashed some cars, and generally the entire Bay Area had been thrown into chaos. Metal.
Oddly this leg of the tour featured another band with "cobra" in their name; when was the last time you saw that? Sweet Cobra from Chicago were the first band on... and they were alright... but for whatever reason I kept flashing back to Unsane and that awesome 90's band from Austin, Ed Hall, during their set. Now, I'm not really saying that's who they sound like.. I'm just saying those are the references that flashed in my head as I 50% watched them and 50% went to the bar... Just being honest.
I've ranted about Rafa and Jason in this space plenty of times and how they're simply a force of nature onstage... and I've said before how I trip on how their timings and song structures are more akin to Jazz than Metal. That being said, Black Cobra's new material takes them to even higher levels, with added dynamics that few (if any) 2 piece bands can pull off. Watching them again tonight from up close, I was also profoundly reminded what a tight unit these two musicians are... Not to get too deep into their lives, but Rafa and Jason's brotherhood / friendship is not unlike Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee's (but without the furry feet and homoerotic undertone). They interact onstage in a way that few bands do... They don't speak to one another, but their cues are simply a nod or a look... It's pretty inspiring to watch such mayhem and creativity being performed in such a natural and honest way. The two of them form an aural fist that bludgeons in a way that pulverizes your insides, but your skin isn't broken so there's no blood.... at least that's how Black Cobra live makes me feel. For the record, the band's new song 'Lightning In His Hand' just might be my favorite song of the year.
Wow... after Black Cobra I knew I wasn't going to be engaged by Pelican... Sorry, just being honest. Pelican sounded good during their soundcheck, but granted I was standing outside of the club on the sidewalk talking to Rafa and Jason at the time. I'm not completely sold on Metal bands who play all instrumentals... There needs to be something more for me to get my head around than simply riffs and drumming no matter how good the riffs might be. Pelican are all good musicians, but within minutes of them hitting the stage I kept waiting for a singer to hit the stage... and for me, any Metal instrumental has to be compared to Iron Maiden's classic instrumentals 'Genghis Khan' and 'Transylvania' and I've yet to hear anything to match those. Sorry... just being honest.
Anyway... It was a great night centered around friends as much as volume, since many Umlaut friends were in the house to support Black Cobra. Bottom line: It was nice to welcome the boys home... even if it was for only one night. Keep it real and safe out there you Road Dogs! See you in December..
If you had bought one of each Black Cobra merch item you would have paid just over $100. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. Umlaut docked the Prius back at Casa de Umlaut at just past 10:30pm... a surgically precise, feel good evening.
I didn't think it was possible, but for one magical night it was 1992 in San Francisco again. The city was transported back to a time before the Dotcom Boom brought clueless Hipsters and sky high rents and housing prices to town... a time when S.F.'s music scene was magical and there were at least twice as many venues and warehouse spaces where bands could play. For one magical night it felt like The Scene when I first moved to S.F., when GOOD music and EDGY art intertwined with like-minded people who Umlaut could relate to... a time when I met souls who became some of my dearest friends. Time Travel does exist... sometimes.
I arrived at Varnish early so that I could hang out with Acid King (because 2/3 of the band are like family to me) and also to meet Ufomammut and watch their soundcheck. They were visiting all the way from Italy for the first time and this was 1 of only 2 Stateside shows they were playing. Without geeking out too much, it was an extremely cool scene with poster art on display from the Italian artist collective Malleus (which includes 2 of Ufomammut's members) and Umlaut friends Secret Serpents.
This will definitely go down as one of my favorite nights of the year! So many friends from different eras of my life were in the house; journalist friends, band friends, music scene friends, and some of my best friends. Everyone gathered together with other like minded people for loud music and art appreciation. DJ's Justin and Heather pulled off some amazing transitions in their spins prior to the bands playing... Arthur Brown's 'Fire' into Ritchie Blackmore's Rainbow 'Stargazer'... and then playing all of Side 1 of Slayer's South Of Heaven after an obscure Folk Rock song. Brilliant.... AND Dust was also in the mix!
Dust - Hard Attack album!
Their spins definitely set the tone and the mood for the rest of my evening.
According to the Umlaut Archives this was at least my 27th (!) time seeing Acid King dating back to the very beginning in 1993... Amazing.. AND this was only their 2nd hometown show in 3 years. What's up with that? Despite the downsized sound system due to the small space, The King got into an insane GROOVE right away and it was one of those sets where I found myself closing my eyes and getting swept away on their volume wave. The King have been one of those bands who I've followed since Day 1 and it's really cool how their sound and style has developed over the years to become what it is right now. Magic flying carpets do exist... at least this one woven out of volume and weaved by Lori, Joey, and Mark. Wuv you guys! Awww...
Ufomammut had me hooked during their soundcheck... when my first reaction was "Holy fuck... listen to Poia's guitar TONE"... Crushing. Besides dealing volume with their band, Poia (guitar) and Urlo (bass/vox) are also members of the Malleus artist collective whose work was on display. Their presence tonight was a really inspiring combination of their music and graphic art. Despite playing on borrowed equipment, the Italians laid down a road that was paved with volume and my head was immediately immersed in their GROOVE.. and their brand of Doom Metal is simply on another level from other bands in the genre like Sunn O))) IMO. My head was blown, dude.
Ufomammut Soundcheck
Unfortunately, I had to make one of those tough life decisions halfway through Ufomammut's set because I had a ticket for the WAY sold out Mummies reunion show across town at Bottom Of The Hill. I was so torn... but the Mummies are one of my all-time favorite bands.. and as I looked at my watch and it was nearing 11:30pm and friends who were at the Mummies texted me they were about to go onstage, I sucked it up and quickly left the gallery.. with the Italians' volume following me down the street and I imagined volume fingers trying to grab my shoulders and pull me back to their show.. Seriously.
Ufomammut CDs were 2 for only $20 (including a CD / DVD set!)... What a bargain!! On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag. Unfortunately, the amazing vibe of the event was tempered by the knowledge that the space Varnish occupies, as well as the entire block of buildings around it, will be demolished by next June to make way for the new Transbay Bus Terminal; the anti-eminent domain protest sign at the gallery's entrance said it all. So much for a revitilization of S.F.'s soul... but for one night all was right in the world on Natoma Street.
I ran 2 red lights on Potrero Avenue after coming off the freeway in my mad dash to get to the Mummies. HOWEVER, I made sure no one was coming in either direction of course... I simply treated the red lights like stop signs. Whew... I feel better admitting that... and about 20 minutes later I was walking into... The Mummies Bottom Of The Hill, San Francisco October 24, 2009
Hell officially froze over on Potrero Hill tonight: The Mummies played again!! Un-be-lievable... For the newbies: The Mummies were a fixture on the S.F. Music Scene in the early-90's and have been one of Umlaut's favorite bands seemingly forever. Last year they played their first shows in 15 years (!) in New York and on a brief European Tour, but they also squeezed in a secret show in Oakland as a warm up... which Umlaut heard about AFTERWARDS. I was beyond bummed.
Fast forward to just over a month ago and I noticed a casual announcement that the Mummies would be headlining this year's Budget Rock Festival in S.F.. DOH!!! Advance tickets to this show sold out literally within hours and they eventually added an early show for this same night down the street at Thee Parkside so the band could simply walk over to Bottom Of The Hill for the late show.
I rolled into Bottom Of The Hill and went straight to the bar... and asked for a water. Amazingly, I had driven across town in time to catch most of The Mummies set and was able to be there for my favorite songs... especially the double shot of 'Stronger Than Dirt' > '(You Must Fight To Live) On The Planet Of The Apes'!! FUN! Amazing!
It was like no time had passed since The Old Dayz and it was trippy seeing Tina from The Trashwomen in the house since they, along with the Mummies, were a band that helped to define the crazy, eclectic nature of the S.F. Music Scene 15-18 years ago. Time flies, man.... time flies. The Mummies sounded great, played great, were damn funny... and damn ROCKING at a level in that loose Garage Rock way that bands today can't seem to fully attain; despite their gimmicky image The Mummies have never seemed forced.. It's always been like they were from another planet (Well.. Daly City... same thing I guess..). I can't understate what a feeling of amazing deja vu I felt all night... From the awesome and engaging evening at Varnish Gallery to seeing the fucking MUMMIES again! Maybe there is hope to save San Franfuckingcisco from the Hipsters after all... Maybe.
Mummies shirts were $15 and came with one of the best hang tags ever. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag. After the show I had to sit in the Prius for a minute or so to collect my thoughts and clear my head... I then said a silent prayer to my long departed Festiva, which had served me so well back in The Old Dayz, and then hit the Start button on the Prius here in the 21st Century and headed back to Casa de Umlaut.
Slipknot / Deftones San Jose State Event Center, San Jose, CA October 23, 2009
Slipknot are another band who has crossed professional paths with Umlaut in the past. While I can't say I'm a huge fan, I do like their image and aesthetic... which translated well to this piece of merch that I made happen awhile back:
Umlaut... helping to swag up Rock Stars... one item at a time. Although that professional relationship has since run its course it was cool that it still earned me an envelope at Will Call.
The Events Center is just about my least favorite Bay Area venue. It's nothing more than a concrete sweatbox college gymnasium, but given its medium size (7,000 capacity) it's been hosting more concerts again recently. According to the Umlaut Archives, I've seen a good number of shows in the space dating back to 1991 (including Alice In Chains, Beastie Boys, Motörhead, etc..). However, given that it was a Friday night, this was a good excuse for a road trip with Umlaut's serious music journalist friends Photo Ray and Hard Rock Chick down to the valley of my birth.
After watching some of the Deftones set from stage right, we wandered backstage and ended up in the Catering Room. I helped myself to a cup of coffee as Slipknot's Jim Root held a meet and greet with a family on the other side of the small room. It was funny watching him talk to the kids and their parents through his mask, but I was taken aback by how nice and sweet (yes, sweet) he was to the kids! He posed for pictures with them and instructed them to hold their hands in The Claw so they would look "METAL!". He also made sure they got all the autographs they wanted and gave them a copy of the night's setlist (autographed of course). After Root left the room we realized that the kids were there because of the Make-A-Wish Foundation; one of the kids was terminally ill and obviously Slipknot are his favorite band. WOW... The kid, who was probably around 12-years old, got very excited when he saw that 'Duality' was being included in the setlist; I wanted to throw The Horns at him because he was so happy!
Not long after this drummer Joey Jordison entered the room and treated the kids with exactly the same amount of kindness. I seriously became a bigger Slipknot fan just from witnessing this interaction; it was beyond cool. The family was told the other band members would be coming to meet them shortly... but at that time we decided to leave and watch the rest of the Deftones set from stage left this time.
After a reasonable setup time between bands, Van Halen's 'Runnin' With The Devil' blasted from the PA and then the houselights went down and it was time for The Maggots to go off. Slipknot are a great live band and you can't argue with that despite what you might think of their music. Onstage they have great stage production, the nine members are non-stop mayhem, they know how to work a big crowd, and their fans are rabid; a Slipknot crowd is the type that sings along to every song while beating the crap out of each other... I watched most of the show standing next to the lighting guy on a raised platform that was just behind the soundboard. Before Slipknot hit the stage I noticed an odd effects board set up on the platform that had been taped off with a pentagram:
It was an odd place for an effects board, but I forgot about it once the show started. Then at one point midway through the show the lighting guy and another crew guy motioned for myself and the other VIP guests to move off the platform, so we stepped down into the empty row of seats just behind the platform. I couldn't figure out why they had us do this, but thought maybe they were going to blow pyro or something.
However, the next thing I knew the band's percussionists Clown and Chris Fehn had climbed onto the platform where we had just been standing after wading through the crowd from the stage! I still don't know what they did, but basically Clown fell face first onto the effects board I'd noticed earlier and proceeded to scream into a microphone as Chris stomped on the effects pedals on the board. Then Clown stood up, kicked the board away, and the two of them made their way back to the stage as the crowd around us went nuts... Then myself and the other VIP guests were allowed to return to the platform. Funny and bizarre.. but the fans loved it.. whatever it was...
I was actually really into the show for about half of the set, but then something hit that has happened to me every time I've seen Slipknot: I literally hit a wall and all of the songs started to sound the same to me... and the onstage action also took on a routine tone to me. Clown's riser would go up, other members ran around, Clown's riser would go down... repeat.. repeat.. repeat. At that point I decided to be proactive and shake my experience up, so I waded through the masses and watched the rest of the main set from backstage at stage left.
Since I was basically behind the PA from that angle the sound sucked, but I spent the time watching the sold out crowd go off. I felt envious watching the faces of the kidz at the rail who knew all the lyrics and who had that maniacal fan look in their eyes. I used to be just like them once a LONG time ago when I saw my favorite bands. I was envious how they were living in the moment and so caught up in seeing their Rock Heroes in person.. At this point in my life I'll never go off like that at a concert again. Hope I die before I get old.
The band played the double shot of 'Psychosocial' > 'Duality' which was by far the highpoint of the set for me since I genuinely like those 2 songs... and during 'Duality' I couldn't help but think of the Make-A-Wish kid from earlier (who was standing in front of me) and how excited he had been that they were going to play that song. As the main set ended, Joey Jordison came over to our side of the stage with a pair of drum sticks, pointed at the Make-A-Wish kid, motioned for him to come over, and handed him the sticks. It was beyond fucking cool and, again, watching Slipknot interact with that kid and his family made me a fan despite of how I might feel about their music.
At that point I decided to be proactive and shake up my experience again, so I moved back to the soundboard for the encores... which featured Joey's drum riser elevating 30 feet into the air and spinning ala vintage Tommy Lee.
As a finale Corey Taylor directed some nice crowd participation mayhem by having the crowd kneel down like him.. and then going off as the song kicked back in.
Number of shoes thrown in the air during Slipknot's set: I lost count at 12. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. A completely fun night, which we celebrated afterwards with food and pints at Gordon Biersch. However, as I type this I can't stop thinking about that Make-A-Wish kid and how last night was probably THE best night of his young life.. Perspective, man... Perspective. All the best, kid.. whoever and wherever you are: METAL.
It was a busy night in San Franfuckingcisco, with Fu Manchu at the Bottom Of The Hill and Weezer (who reside in Umlaut's "I could give 2 shits about" file) playing a secret free show at The Regency. Anyway, the serious Rockers had already stomped over to:
This was Alice's 1st Bay Area headlining appearance in 7 years; his last time in the area was 2 years ago supporting Heaven And Hell in Concord. Going into the night, I was kind of annoyed and shocked by the number of people whose only reaction was "How old is he??" when I told them I was seeing Alice Cooper. As Timo says, he's ROCK LEGEND Alice Cooper and he should be on everyone's DON'T MISS List. It's not often you can see one of the original Rock Godz, especially one who still has his integrity and talent intact... and you must take advantage of that.
Jetboy were the perfect opener for this show, given their long-running history as a San Francisco band dating back to the 80's. Their solid brand of retro Punk / Glam went over well and, given it was a hometown show, a good percentage of the crowd knew the songs... especially the drunk guy behind us... who shouted slurry approvals at the band before being ejected by security after their set. After the drunk guy was escorted out, a curtain was raised in front of the stage... thus preparing us for the night of Rock Theater (say with an English accent) that was soon to begin:
Nobody knows how to start a show better than Alice Cooper... After the houselights dimmed and the intro tape played, the curtain dropped to reveal Alice and his band on a circus-like stage and they immediately launched into 'School's Out' > 'Department Of Youth' > 'I'm Eighteen'.. WOW. Age doesn't make a difference when it comes to Alice... His shows aren't acts of physical stamina like Iggy Pop, but instead are about theatrical charisma. When you watch Alice you realize what a fucking poser Marilyn Manson and most of the other "shock rockers" are compared to him; he's as much an old school stage actor as he is a Lock 'N Loll front man onstage... and no matter how many times Umlaut sees him it never gets boring... Nobody pulls off this type of Rock showmanship like Alice Cooper and appropriately he's surrounded himself with musicians who complement him perfectly, especially guitarists Damon Johnson and Keri Kelli who both play with that cocky 1970's Arena Rock attitude that's essential to Alice's songs.
This was Rock Theater (say with an English accent) at its best with this show billed and structured as the Theater Of Death. Right off the bat, Alice "murdered" one of his roadies by impaling him on a mic stand, like, 2 or 3 songs into the set! That roadie should call HR and file a complaint... I love how un-PC Alice's performances are.. such as when he sang 'Welcome To My Nightmare' and chased down a zombie bride towards the end of the song... and then sang 'Cold Ethyl' to her corpse. He also "abused" a nurse and then sang 'Only Women Bleed' as she lay at his feet after he had stripped off her uniform and donned her wig and nurse's hat. However, despite the debauchery, there were consequences for Alice, just like in any good morality play. As in proper theater, everything that happened onstage was an act that led into another act and eventually after each "crime" Alice was punished... Punishment was administered by lethal injection:
(Pic by South Bay Bret)
Punishment was administered by guillotine:
(Pic by South Bay Bret)
Punishment also came in the form of being impaled on spikes in a makeshift iron maiden... and punishment was administered by hanging, with the aforementioned abused nurse kicking the bucket out from under Alice's feet:
(Pic by South Bay Bret)
In Alice's world there is darkness and evil, but there's also justice and revenge for his victims. The performance was bookended by the liberating 'School's Out', which both opened the show and also served as the encore. Too high brow? Maybe... Kick ass Lock 'N Loll? COMPLETELY.
The aspect of Alice Cooper that also sets him apart from other "shock rockers" is he has amazing songs! Man, so many great songs... and I dare you to name another Classic Rock song that is as fun to sing along to as 'No More Mr. Nice Guy'.. If I had to choose, 'Ballad Of Dwight Fry' was my favorite of the set (which Alice still sings while bound in a straight jacket), but it's been one of my fave songs since, like, forever so it's kind of a no brainer anyway. Also, what other person Alice's age is singing songs about necrophilia?! I'm just saying...
Flashback: 'Cold Ethyl' educated me about necrophilia when I was around 14-years old.. My best friend at the time (John Lutkenhouse) and I would go into his older brother's room after school (his brother was off serving in the Navy) and we'd listen to his brother's Alice Cooper albums (and also his KISS albums, especially Alive!) over and over. A defining time in Umlaut's worldview... and no one has written a better line than "I've got a baby's brain and a old man's heart"... because I'm perpetually 18... and I like it.
Motörhead shirts = 4 or 5 (including mine). Grown men wearing Alice-style eye makeup: I lost count at 5 or 6. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag. This was easily one of the gigs of the year for me... and after 90 minutes and 27 songs I set the Prius on course for:
Fu Manchu Bottom Of The Hill, San Francisco October 21, 2009
Straight from Alice Cooper I jetted across town and walked into the Bottom Of The Hill about 3 or 4 songs into Fu Manchu's set. According to the Umlaut Archives I've seen the band close to 20 times over the past 13 years (!) and whenever I see them it feels like I'm slipping on an old pair of Vans... a comfortable pair of no-nonsense shoes that then to proceed to kick me in the head.. in a good way of course.
After getting a beer I got up to the front and spent the next hour thinking about things as Fu Manchu entertained. It's always interesting pulling a doubleheader gig night, since the vibe of the shows are usually different. While Alice Cooper had the atmosphere of an event, the feeling at the Bottom Of The Hill was one of deja vu for me; been here, done this before... which wasn't a bad thing of course... but at least at The Warfield I didn't have drunk hipster kidz bumping into me and almost spilling my beer.
I was shocked when I remembered that it had been a year and a half since the last time I saw a show at B.O.T.H... which is weird since it used to be THE venue for SO MANY Umlaut shows dating back to 1994. Time flies, man... time flies. Remember when Marilyn Manson played there on his first tour? Or when the Melvins played 2 nights there with Adam of Tool as a guest band member? Me too.
Anyway, I was hearing Fu Manchu's new songs for the first time since their new CD just came out this week... and I have to admit I wasn't really feeling them... but old songs like 'Evil Eye' and 'Mongoose' still remain solid to me... but 'Superbird' was easily my favorite of the set.. "SOLID!" At this point, Fu Manchu are the grizzled veterans who continue to slog it out in the Rock Trenches despite obstacles thrown up in their path, such as a revolving door of record labels and the fickle nature of Music fans... It's cool to see that they're sticking to their guns... and, for the record, I had absolutely no problem with 'Mongoose' being used in a Toyota commercial last year.
Once the set ended I figuratively slipped that old pair of Vans off and I was back here in the 21st Century. Motörhead shirts = 2 (including mine). On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag. Let the record show that this was Umlaut's 4th doubleheader gig night of the year; they're not that hard to pull off if you know what you're doing... and all in all this had been a damn good one.
Okay, Umlaut will jump on the bandwagon and chime in about the 20th Anniversary of the Loma Prieta Earthquake. For the newbies: It was the biggest earthquake to hit the San Francisco Bay Area since 1906.
On October 17, 1989 I was working at a bookstore in Cupertino in the heart of Silicon Valley (A Clean Well-Lighted Place For Books... R.I.P..) and was just finishing up my shift at the front counter. A couple had just come up to ask me a question when a rumbling sound started at the back of the store (the south end). The rumbling got louder and the lights went out and what happened next was like something out of a movie.
Looking towards the back of the store, books were literally flying off the shelves and the rumbling got louder and louder... Books kept flying off the shelves as The Quake moved towards me... It was like watching a huge wave of books moving through the store. The couple who I had been helping hit the floor and I grabbed onto the counter as the rumbling got deafening and I felt the ground lift up and move under my feet.. Then the rumbling moved behind me on its way North and soon subsided. According to the USGS the quake lasted no more than 15 seconds but, to use a cliché, it felt like it lasted an eternity.
What followed was complete SILENCE... It was amazing. It was also amazing that I was standing no more than 15 feet from a wall of plate glass windows that made up the front of the store, but the glass didn't shatter and shred me. At that point I remember looking around the store and there were books and debris everywhere... I think several of the 8 foot tall shelves in the middle of the store fell over, but no one was hurt. Obviously the power was out, so the only light came from the sunlight coming in through the windows.
Then something happened that I still think about: A guy came into the store as if nothing had happened, walked right up to me at the counter, and asked if I could help him find a book. I stared at him and simply said "NO...." I always wondered if that guy was in shock or just clueless. He seemed completely oblivious to the chaos around him.
It's amazing how those minutes are still vivid in my mind.
Afterwards, my co-workers and I huddled around a car parked in front of the store listening to the chaotic radio reports... The Bay Bridge had collapsed... The Marina was in flames... The Cypress Freeway was destroyed.. Downtown Santa Cruz was in ruins. Chaos. As we stood around in a daze, the store's Assistant Manager went to the deli next door and bought some beers for us. Eventhough it was a Coors (funny that I still remember the brand) it was THE BEST beer I've ever had.
That night I attempted to call friends in San Francisco but no calls were going through or getting out. It's hard to remember what the world was like before cell phones, Wi-Fi, The Internet, etc. but that was the reality 20 years ago; if the phone lines were down you were fucked. Of course, I didn't suffer any real hardships from The Quake of '89... I did know families whose houses were destroyed... people whose lives were changed in a bad way... but not mine. Thankfully, of course.
Then the next day was my birthday!
Four days after The Quake I saw R.E.M. at Shoreline Amphitheatre; the venue was maybe half full when in normal times it probably would have been sold out. When the band launched into their hit song 'It's The End Of The World As We Know It' the crowd went nuts during the opening line "That's great it starts with an earthquake.." I think it took the band a second to remember the meaning of those lyrics at that moment to that crowd... but after that it was a pretty cool concert moment. No, it wasn't Metal... but it did the job that week... and for years afterwards a great conversation starter in a bar was "Where were you during The Quake?"..
For those who care, here's some of the local news footage:
Twenty years gone... and it still sucks that the A's swept the Giants in the World Series.
The last time I saw Motörhead was just over a year ago in Anaheim and after that show I realized I'd been taking the band for granted in recent years. I compared it to how I treated the Ramones in their later years, when I blew off seeing them more often than not... and now I wish I could see the Ramones just one more time. Last year in Anaheim I decided I would not make the same mistake with Motörhead.
It's weird to realize that I've been following Motörhead for well over half my life now; I was a mere pup of 17 when I first saw Lemmy onstage. I've seen the band in venues ranging from sweatbox clubs to stadiums, but I've never followed them on tour. Fast forward to the 21st Century and The Rock Godz work in mysterious ways... In recent years Umlaut has found himself with a certain level of access to Lemmy & Co. that I could only dream about when I was a teenage Metalhead. Cutting to the chase ('cause it's better than the catch): Umlaut was fortunate enough to attend 4 of the last 5 shows on Motörhead's recent U.S. Tour. So here we go...
Roseland, Portland, Oregon October 3, 2009
Umlaut found himself in Portland for 4 days / 3 nights and amazingly it coincided with some major Metal events! The night before Motörhead I had been at this same venue for Dethklok / Mastodon, but had an almost completely different experience. During the afternoon before this show, I tripped around Portland and was reminded how much I like the city... Especially how it still has some great indie bookstores (Powell's!) and record stores... institutions that have been slowly disappearing from the S.F. Bay Area over the past decade. In honor of my visit to The Northwest, I scored the latest Yob CD at one point during the afternoon (which, by the way, RULES..).
Prior to the show Umlaut had dinner with friends at a French restaurant which served as the perfect opening act for the evening. However, the restaurant served a menu that would make my veggie family and friends cringe in horror. Although I generally love French cooking, next to the Chinese, the French sure came up with some fucked up cuisine. Bone marrow butter?
The first time I met Lemmy was a million years ago (okay.. 1983) at The Stone (R.I.P.) in S.F.. Awhile back I documented that event in this space:
"At The Stone, Lemmy was hanging out at the bar. Someone dared me to go talk to him. I had heard the band weren't playing 'Overkill' on this tour. With youthful bravado I walked up to Lemmy and asked him why they weren't playing 'Overkill'. His reply was "We forgot how to play it.." Thinking back now I guess I'm lucky Lemmy simply didn't punch me for asking such a stupid question."
Fast forward to the 21st Century and upon arriving at the venue we were escorted backstage and given a private audience with Mr. Kilmister himself; it was only Lemmy and the 4 of us alone in his dressing room (!).. Umlaut has met Lemmy several times over the years, but this was by far the most personal interaction and the fact there was no one else in the room was amazing. Long story short: Lemmy welcomed us to his backstage sanctuary and engaged us in a really fun conversation... Lemmy offered us drinks and we accepted.. and Lemmy was nothing but a gentlemen to the lady in our group.
Portland Friends meet The Ace Of Spades
The Roseland is an old school venue that reminded me of a smaller version of the now defunct S.F. venue Maritime Hall (R.I.P.). The space seemed small despite its substantial 1,400 capacity, with a nice balcony running around the room and the crowd had a good REAL METAL vibe compared to my experience the night before. The show was sold out and it was nice to have the crowd engaged and loud the entire night; the guy standing in front of me pumped his fists in the air and sang along to every song... every one of them. I was impressed. It also warmed my heart to see an Old Metalhead wearing his vintage denim vest with the tattered Motörhead patches still attached.
Due to our pre-show meeting, my head wasn't really in "concert" mode when the houselights when down... but as soon as Lemmy announced "We are Motörhead... and we play Rock & Roll!" and the band launched into the one-two punch of 'Iron Fist' > 'Stay Clean' my head was gone, man... gone... and when Lemmy stepped away from the mic and moved center stage to play his bass solo in 'Stay Clean' I was a Teenage Metalhead all over again just... like.... that. I was completely caught up in their set (Dude! 'Over The Top'!) and even liked Mikkey Dee's drum solo... and I usually hate drum solos.. and THEN they closed the main set with 'Bomber'... which is one of my favorite Motörhead songs and.. since I'm man enough to admit it... I kinda had tears in my eyes as I banged my head. Yeah, I get emotional about Old Metal... I love how Metal can transport me back to my Salad Days when life was simple and my intentions were pure. Metal keeps my mind young and vibrant... Metal makes "age" irrelevant... Hope I die before I get old.
After the show I was walking back to my hotel and felt something stuck in the bottom of my boot... When I stopped to see what it was I found a METAL stud from a studded belt stuck in my boot tred.
METAL. Before I flew out the next day I killed time with a local PDX friend doing non-Metal stuff like visiting a winery and sight seeing just outside of the city. 'Twas nice.. On the way back to San Francisco, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag... which makes sense I guess.
"You know we do it right, a mission every night..."
Then 48 hours later it was...
The Warfield, San Francisco October 5, 2009
Prior to the show Umlaut had dinner with Old Metal Tim at Out The Door which served as the perfect opening act for the evening. Upon arriving at The Warfield we went backstage right away and were warned to get a beer from the coolers ASAP before a large meet 'n greet group arrived... which we did just before a herd of around 40 people from Electronic Arts, most of them young hipster types, arrived. They were there to *meet* Lemmy since he's a character in the new EA game Brutal Legend that also features Jack Black as the main character.. I quickly became annoyed with a few of the hipsters as they quizzed everyone around them with "How did YOU get back here?" like it was a fucking VIP area at a trendy club. *Sigh*... Back in The Day there would have been Hell's Angels backstage at a Motörhead show and not clueless dorks. If was such a completely different scene than Portland. Anyway... Despite my annoyances, it was nice chatting and trading war stories with friends over the crappy free beer (MGD!) and it was especially cool to hang with my Old Metal brother DeVito, since Lemmy is our mutual patron saint, both personally and professionally.
Old Metal Brothers
Halfway through Motörhead's set I realized that I first saw Lemmy and his band at The Warfield in 1984 (DOH!). However, I had to disagree with Lemmy when he said that tonight's crowd was the best San Francisco audience they'd ever had... It was obvious he'd forgotten that show at The Warfield in November 1984!
Wrong band photo for 1984... but count all the umlauts! (From the Umlaut Archives)
Back then The Warfield had theater seating on the floor from its days as a movie theater; during Motörhead's set most of the front 3 rows of seats were ripped out of the floor and pieces of the broken chairs were tossed onstage... and at least one person climbed up on the PA stack and dove off and at least one person suffered a broken leg.. and because of the damage to the building it was the last Metal show held at The Warfield for several years. Motörhead also had the legendary bomber lighting rig with them on that tour (!).... and a woman sitting at the front of the balcony showed Lemmy her tits when he acknowledged her. Not that tonight wasn't a great show... I'm just saying no one flashed their tits for Lemmy here in the 21st Century.
The band played the same 90 minute / 18-song setlist as in Portland, which was fine with me because it was tight and well paced.. I especially liked the sledgehammer melody of 'I Got Mine' and the acoustic stomp of 'Whorehouse Blues' (with Phil on acoustic guitar, Mikkey on acoustic guitar and high hat, and Lemmy on vox and harmonica) here in my hometown on this night... and, since I'm a nostalgic romantic Metalhead Music Geek, I couldn't help but think back on all the years that this band, that front man, and these songs have been part of the soundtrack and fabric of my life. Pretty amazing... Thank dog I'm still here... and thank dog Motörhead is still here as well.
This was Motörhead's first headlining show in S.F. in over 4 years.. and given the magnitude of the event, The Umlaut Nation was out in force... so a shout out to DeVito, Old Metal Tim, Johnny, Any, Timo, Photo Ray, Sven, Jenn, Hard Rock Chick, Nikki Blakk, Photo Alan, and a few other people who I *heard* were in the house but who I didn't see.
Rock Star Sighting: Jello Biafra was backstage and wearing some "interesting" Robin Hood-style leather boots that were neither Metal nor Punk. Hmm. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag.
"Don't be scared... live to win.. although they're always gonna to tell you it's a sin.."
Then 4 days later it was...
Club Nokia, Los Angeles October 9, 2009
Prior to the show Umlaut had dinner with Radio Cuevas at Wurstküche which served as the perfect opening act for the evening. Of course, Wurstküche was a good omen for the night because of the umlaut in its name AND they had Chimay on tap. Hail! Some readers will remember Radio Cuevas from his days at KUSF's Rampage Radio, but now he's a big shot producer with NPR in SoCal. It's funny where life takes you... but no matter where you go The Metal is not far away.
Club Nokia is part of the massive Staples Center complex, which is where Michael Jackson's funeral was held in July. One side of the complex's courtyard is bordered by a billboard / fence advertising the upcoming Jacko documentary This Is It and it's become a tribute wall, with thousands of people writing their thoughts and feelings about Jacko on it. Of course, I was compelled to write something on Jacko's tribute wall as well:
Jacko Wall vs. Thin Lizzy Shirt
Umlaut's Tribute To Jacko: "666 - SLAAYERR!"
Will I ever grow up?? I'm going to Hell, aren't I......
At Will Call I discovered that I had been shorted my +1, but I didn't want to bother Motörhead's tour manager since this was L.A. and I expected it was going to be a clusterfuck for things like the guest list. So, after giving Radio Cuevas the ticket and pass that had been left for me, I went into Umlaut mode and simply flashed the laminate that I already had at security and used that time honored phrase "I'm with the band.." and I was immediately allowed entry into the building without question. Lock 'N Loll.
During Reverend Horton Heat, we made our way up to the 4th Floor VIP bar hoping for some L.A. Celebrity / Rock Star action. Unfortunately, despite the impressively L.A.-style bar scene, I saw no one I recognized as being a Celebrity and / or Rock Star... but I did run into a couple of "industry" friends and it was cool to chat with them for a bit. Always carry business cards with you... I'm just saying.
As Motörhead was setting up, Radio Cuevas pointed out how one of the roadies had arms that looked abnormally big; I wasn't paying attention and blew it off... but I was curious why they'd set up an extra microphone onstage. Then that "roadie" was saying how he'd been with Motörhead a long time and Lemmy was letting him sing a song; the "roadie" was Jack Black dressed up as his Brutal Legend video game character. He was joined by Kyle and they did a song about being a roadie. It was so L.A... but a funny, unique moment... even if the song was underwhelming in a Tenacious D. outtake sort of way.
(Posted by sku22man)
Out of all the shows I saw on this tour, Los Angeles was the band's best performance IMO.. They just seemed looser and more energetic onstage, especially Lemmy. He was definitely more chatty with his jokes and comments in between songs and it was funny hearing him say "Los Angeles! My hometown!".. During 'Killed By Death' his son Paul joined the band onstage on 2nd guitar, just like the duel axes of the original version of the song.. VERY cool, but until Lemmy introduced him we thought that maybe Wurzel had rejoined the band for the night... but my favorite part of the set was still 'Bomber' and also the barn burning final encore run of 'Ace Of Spades' > 'Overkill'..
I was also surprised by the 1984-like vibe in the crowd.. A fight almost broke out in the bathroom when one dude accused another dude of cutting in front of him despite the fact there were PLENTY of empty stalls and urinals! The atmosphere at times had an edge that's missing from alot of Metal shows I attend these days. There didn't seem to be as many Jarhead douchbags as I had been expecting, which surprised me since this was L.A... Instead there were ALOT of young Metal dudes who I could tell were into Metal for the same reasons I got into the Metal business... and as a result I was shocked that the L.A. crowd was more Metal than the crowd at the S.F. show had been. Shocking, right? Because of the lack of access to the Main Floor due to a lame venue policy (The Main Floor required a separate wrist band in addition to any ticket and even All Access band passes weren't enough!), some healthy pit action broke out in the crowd jammed into the tiers behind the main floor; that would never happen at The Warfield in S.F.! I was impressed... Also, NO ONE around me wore earplugs and NO ONE around me sent text messages during the show; I felt like a poser when I did both. L.A. more Metal than S.F.?! On this night, I must reluctantly say "Yes... yes it was..."
Unfortunately, although this was the best performance and crowd I experienced, Club Nokia was also THE WORST venue I visited on this trek! How such a modern venue (new facility, great sound system, etc.) could have such a horrible floor plan is beyond me.. The place has awful sight lines of the stage, with massive pillars blocking the views from several angles on the floor... an oversight they tried to remedy by placing video screens and monitors showing the stage seemingly everywhere, which gives the space a sports bar look and feel during a show that's completely ridiculous.
After Motörhead had laid waste to the stage, I had to go backstage solo since Radio Cuevas' pass wasnt good enough for security... although it was a pass that the band's tour manager had told me WAS "good enough". Oh well, what can you do? You can't argue with venue security... but I tried anyway. As I tried to sort out "the pass situation" I ran into some other "industry" friends who I hadn't seen in while, so it was nice to chat with them. However, I couldn't resolve "the pass situation" even when I was given a different pass that I was told was "good enough". WTF... but, rather than argue with venue security anymore, we once again returned to the 4th Floor VIP bar... which was beyond boring! The only Rock Star who made an appearance was Phil Campbell, but we'd just seen him onstage... Oh, and Blaine of Nashville Pussy was there too.. but I'd missed their set again anyway. So, after another drink, we left the building in search of some late night food in The City of Angels.
It had been a surprisingly normal and low key show off stage, but onstage Lemmy & Co. had burned hot and I was really looking forward to the U.S. Tour's finale the next night in Vegas. On the way back to the hotel, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag.
"Breaking up or breaking through... breaking something's all we ever do..."
So the next day it was...
House Of Blues, Las Vegas October 10, 2009
Appropriately, the final night of Motörhead's U.S. Tour was in Sin City and it was only right that Timo took the private Umlaut jet down to be my wingman for the show. At LAX it took 40 minutes for me to get through security and I did it without coffee! Yayy LAX.. Then the flight was delayed for 30 minutes... Hmm... I hoped this wasn't an omen of things to come... but arriving in Vegas couldn't have been more surgically precise as Timo landed within 5 minutes of me and we met up in the terminal almost immediately... It was almost too easy.
Prior to the show we had dinner at RM Seafood which served as the perfect opening act for the evening (I know.. seafood in the desert.. Livin' on the edge, man..). The House Of Blues in Vegas is one of the most bizarre venues I've ever visited... It's located in the middle of Mandalay Bay Casino in between hundreds (thousands!) of slot machines, across from an escalator, and next to a Starbucks. It was such a weird place to be seeing a Metal show... but it was entertaining watching the Motörhead shirts walk past the restaurant or come down the escalator during dinner. However, as the meal was winding down, I received a bombshell text message from Motörhead's tour manager:
Hi brian We had to cancel tonite. Lemmy got a vocal cord inflamation and can't do tonite's show.
HOLY SHIT... At that point it was only about 30 minutes before the show was scheduled to start! HOLY SHIT.. As we walked over to the venue, the reality of the cancellation still hadn't registered in my head because Lemmy had sounded so good and been in great spirits the night before.. It was weird walking up to the venue knowing what was going down, but most of the arriving fans had no idea what had happened until they saw the message from Lemmy that was posted next to the cancellation notice:
They had made copies of Lemmy's message and posted them around the venue's entrance and were handing them out to fans as well. I felt really bad for the fans, but the only person who I saw get angry was a tweaky guy who went off how he'd driven 600 miles to be there and that the cancellation was "bullshit"... and then he tried to get a chant of "bullshit" started but nobody would join him.. so he stormed off into the casino. I talked to another guy who said he hadn't seen Motörhead since 1981 (old school!) and he had brought some things for Lemmy to sign if he happened to meet him.. Such a bummer.
I can't remember the last time I saw so many Motörhead shirts in one place.. Vegas was definitely flying their Motörhead colors more than the other cities and that combined with the trashy, drunk nature of the crowd would have made for an awesome show. I got even more bummed at that point, but I kept it to myself. Perhaps the most poignant and heartbreaking image was the stripper-type chicks wearing Motörhead laminates who had the saddest looks on their faces. Sad strippers... all of those end-of-the-tour band and crew per diems backstage that wouldn't be spent on lap dances tonight. Heartbreaking.
Despite the headliners dropping off the bill, the support acts (Reverend Horton Heat / Nashville Pussy / Chelsea Girls) still played. So, fans had the option to get a full refund or, if they didn't want to completely lose their night, a partial refund got them in to see the other bands. Since I was still on the guest list, we opted to stick around and watch the other bands since, aside from a few songs, I'd ignored them at the other shows.
I would guess around 300 people decided to stay for the show (capacity was around 1,500). After a visit to the bar we settled down on the main floor to see what could be salvaged from the night. We hadn't been standing there for very long when a guy completely sucker punched a kid wearing a vintage W.A.S.P. shirt right in front of us. Vegas! The kid hit the floor hard and security immediately tackled his attacker and dragged him out the nearest exit... Meanwhile, the kid wearing the W.A.S.P. shirt held his head and staggered off towards the bar wondering what had just happened. Vegas! Not good for the kid, but to me it wasn't a bad way to start a Metal show at all, but I wished Lemmy had been there... especially after the support bands started playing.
Chelsea Girls - As the 4 women in the band took the stage I recognized the insanely tall bassist as Corey Parks, an original member of Nashville Pussy... and I thought the guitarist looked familiar; I later found out it was Allison Robertson of The Donnas. Then the oh-so-skinny blond singer with the boob job took her place and the band launched into..... a cover of Priest's 'You've Got Another Thing Coming'. Oh shit... A COVER BAND. The worst thing that Umlaut could be subjected to on a night like this would be a fucking cover band; sorry, but I'm just not into them.. Anyway, the girls strutted through a set that also included nuggets like Danzig's 'Mother'... Dio's 'Holy Diver'... Quiet Riot's 'Metal Health'... You get the idea. At one point, Blaine of Nashville Pussy came out and sang Mountain's 'Mississippi Queen' with them, which was alright. However, they sent me back to the bar when they kicked their spike heels into 'Master Of Puppets'.... Are you kidding me!? What fresh Hell is this... Of course, they ended 'Master' halfway through (before the instrumental bridge) and went into Mötley Crüe's 'Livewire'.. which was ironic of course. As their set mercifully ended, the oh-so-skinny blond singer with the boob job instructed the crowd to "Stay Metal!!" Oooo-kaaay, thanks for the advice... Beer me, Vegas! Nashville Pussy - Nashville Pussy followed and attempted to salvage what was left of the night properly. To be honest, I haven't followed the band in at least 10-11 years since they were on Amphetamine Reptile... but, unlike the cover band before them, their brand of Southern Rock was something that could raise Umlaut's sprits.. However, sometimes The Rock Godz (and life in general) insists on dog piling you with reality. About halfway through the set I looked over and in the reflection from the stage lights I saw a face I recognized standing maybe 30 feet from me.. Long story short: It was someone who I hadn't seen in several years and someone that is practically the last person I want to talk to ever again. Oh man.... I knew this person was now living in Vegas... but what are the odds, right? Since the crowd was small I figured it would only be a matter of time before the person saw me as well... and I simply wasn't in the mood... so after another song or two we bailed to see what else Vegas had to offer.
After leaving the show our night was punctuated by an unusually large number of people celebrating their 21st birthday; I remember when I had my first drink. Why does everyone say "Vegas, baby!"? Just wondering... 'cause I'm positive I've never said it. Anyway, the next morning, we saw the oh-so-skinny blond singer with the boob job of Chelsea Girls waiting outside of our hotel as her band's van was being retrieved and also the band's insanely tall bassist going into Starbucks.. and THAT was the closest thing to Rock Star action we got in Vegas... Sad but true.. Then, in an appropriate ending to the trip, my flight home was delayed an hour... but it was that kind of trip so what could I do.
It was a bummer that the Vegas cancellation overshadowed Umlaut's Motörhead Tour... but the disappointment is already fading. Hopefully Lemmy is on the mend, which is ALL that matters. Despite how my tour ended, it was fucking cool to have access and be able to follow one of my all-time favorite bands like this; more great memories for my Music Geek Archives. As Timo said when we learned about the Vegas cancellation: You have to see people whenever you can, because you just never know what might happen. WORD.
A huge THANKS to Motörhead management and to Dan and Eddie of the Motörhead crew for going out of their way to make sure my guests and I were taken care of at the shows... and godspeed to Lemmy and to his full recovery. Respect... always. On the way back to San Francisco, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag... which makes sense I guess.
"The only time I'm gonna be easy is when I'm killed by death.."
Umlaut's All Access Laminate (color removed to make it harder for sneaky fucks to counterfeit)
Around 17 hours after returning from Umlaut's 800 Miles To Hell And Back trek, I found myself boarding another plane... this one bound for Drug Store Cowboy Town. My mission to the Northwest is confidential in nature, but ironically it coincided with some substantial METAL activity. The Rock Godz work in mysterious ways. Unfortunately, due to a dinner engagement, I arrived at the venue too late to see High On Fire... which was a bummer.. but it was cool to be able to attend the first night of this much anticipated tour.
Mastodon: This was the 3rd time I've seen Mastodon on their Crack The Skye Tour and they once again performed that album in its entirety. As at their show back in April, the set was augmented by an impressive video presentation on a huge LED screen behind the stage. I can only imagine how the band stays motivated playing their entire new album every night, but it was a great performance to kick off the tour. However, it was interesting how the band's performance kicked up a notch when they played older material following the new album.. It was almost like playing the old songs was the payoff for the band after what might be "the grind" of playing the same set at every show for the past 6-7 months... but that's what great bands do.. they suck it up and do their best... and Mastodon are a great band.
Anyway...
Umlaut has never been issued a VIP pass that gave him access to absolutely nothing, not even a bullshit roped off bar area. When I first attempted to use the VIP pass, the pimply-faced security guard denied me with some standard security mumbo jumbo... and since I'm not a dick I didn't push it. However, since I was bored during the set up time between Mastodon and Dethklok I tried again, but this time I asked to speak to the pimply-faced security guard's supervisor. It turns out the kid was right: He and his boss consulted the xeroxed pass definition list and, indeed, it basically said that a VIP pass granted no access to anywhere. Wow... sorry, dude.. my bad... but WTF... why even issue a pass if it will grant the user absolutely nothing? Many trees died to print those passes. Discuss amongst yourselves. Lock 'N Loll.
Anyway....
Dethklok: Now, Umlaut loves the show Metalocalypse... but this "concert" struck me as what I imagine Star Wars In Concert might be like... I just couldn't get past how inauthentic Dethklok in concert felt to my Old Metal Soul. Of course, I don't doubt that the creators of the show and the musicians involved are Metal fans... and the show's humor and sensibilities definitely ring true to this Metal fan... but I can't buy into the human version of the cartoon band... mainly because I'm from the generation that had t.v. bands like The Banana Splits, Josie & The Pussycats, and The Partridge Family who were basically the same type of "band" as Dethklok. Granted, Dethklok are far more brutal (and funny) than these predecessors, but it's the same type of product, only one that was created here in the 21st Century.
The "real" band performed in the glare of the huge LED screen that projected video featuring the "cartoon" band and it was too much like watching television for me.. The sold out crowd of kidz ate it up, but I walked out of the venue after around 45 minutes after they performed 'The Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle'.. which is the quintessential Dethklok song IMO.
Not to go off on too much of a rant, but I'll still watch the show... buy the DVDs... but supporting Dethklok as a band? My Old Metal Soul won't allow me to go that far... I will support Dethklok in the same way I supported The Partridge Family as a band when I was a kid. Yes, the musicianship of "the band" is decent (with credibility added by Gene Hoglan on drums).. but when there are up-and-coming real world, real deal Metal bands like Landmine Marathon bleeding for Metal in the trenches without the hype and Marketing of a major television network behind them, I have to say that my time is best spent slicing my palm and blood bonding with the real bands.
Mastodon were selling the tour shirt from the first leg of their U.S. Tour back in April for $10 less than the new tour shirt. On the way back to the hotel, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag. As I was typing this that old Scorpions song popped into my head: "Make it real, not fantasy.." Prepare for ultimate flavor.
The Worthless VIP Pass (color removed to make it harder for sneaky fucks to counterfeit)
Coming Soon: Umlaut's No Sleep 'Til Vegas Tour Report..
Secrets Of The Moon
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