Tuesday, June 07, 2005

The Legends

Umlaut recently attended a recording session with a "legendary" actor. The session was for an audio project Umlaut's company is working on.. This actor's career has spanned over 50 years and includes at least one of the greatest films ever made.

However, truth be told, he hasn't appeared in anything worthy of his "legend" since the year The Kinks released their Village Green Preservation Society album. Still, I suppose he can be called a "legend" based upon at least 2 of his films... Or 3 if you liked Top Secret!.

I was secretly hoping to witness an old fashioned Hollywood diva tantrum by "The Legend"... and he delivered about an hour into the session. When the producer overseeing the session made a suggestion on how to read the script, "the legend" lashed out loudly and passionately:

"I was directed by the GREAT David Lean!! I am an EXPERT in this field of talking to audiences!!! I AM AN ACTOR!!!"

I was totally gobsmacked that he actually said "I am an actor!". It was so wonderfully cliché!! Later in the session he threw mini-tantrums about the pronounciation of certain words and how the recording script was written. At one point he exclaimed:

"Normally it would take me 10 days to rehearse a script such as this!!"

Seeing "The Legend" like this made me think that when he was in his prime he was probably an incredible asshole.


On the way back home, Umlaut noticed that none other than L.A. Dodger legend Tommy Lasorda was waiting to board the same flight to SFO.

Pictured above: Lasorda in his prime.

Lasorda was standing by himself at the podium and obviously wanted to be first onto the plane. He stood by himself and NO ONE dared approach him. He looked around in that way that only celebrities and men in combat do... slowly.. waiting for something or someone to come at him... but no one did.

I thought about approaching him for an autograph, but the voice of Jeffrey "Hackman" Leonard popped into my head. Hackman said that, as a Giants fan, I'd be a sellout if I did that. So I continued to pretend that I didn't know Lasorda from any other fat old guy waiting for a plane.

Instead, I called the mobile phone of Tour Manager Doug, since he bleeds Dodger Blue when cut. When Doug answered I shared my close encounter with him. He was in Katowice, Poland on the road with the biggest Lock 'N Loll band on the planet who aren't U2. The wonder of technology!

As I boarded the plane, Lasorda was sitting in the last row of the First Class section. He feigned sleep in that way that only celebrities do so no one will bother them... BUT I caught him taking a peek at the regular folks.. but then he quickly shut his eyes lest he be bothered.