Darkness Falls

Press Release posted on The Darkness web site:

23/05/2005

BASS PLAYER, FRANKIE POULLAIN, DEPARTS BAND

With immediate effect, bass player, Frankie Poullain, is no longer a member of The Darkness.

Remaining members have cited musical differences as the reason for his departure. A replacement will be announced within coming months.

I know, there are literally only 3 of you who give a flying fuck about this... but Umlaut and The Darkness collided big time in 2003-2004.

I "discovered" The Darkness during a "transitional" period in my life. I had just gotten laid off from a job that I loved. Life was suddenly chaotic and uncertain. Plus, I was turning 40. I was ripe for Lock 'N Loll to remind me how fun life could be again.

I read about the band being voted "Best Live Band" over the likes of Metallica by the readers of Kerrang! magazine. I was intrigued. Their debut album wasn't out in the States yet so I illegally downloaded it. At first I was like "What the hell??"... Then I bought into them. Lock stock and two smoking Les Pauls.

GUITAH!!

How much did I buy into them? I saw 'em 4x on their debut U.S. Tour... including 2 road trips totaling 6,000+ miles of travel. The Darkness had me (and Skychick) at "whence".


Road Trip Trophy (From the Umlaut Archives)

It was really fucking fun while it lasted.. The most fun I've had following a band in a long time. Most folks wrote them off as a joke band, but they were good musicians who wrote good, catchy songs with a sense of humor.. An ENGLISH sense of humor. They penned THE quintessential song about head lice ("Growing On Me"). As far as I know, they're also the only band to use the words "motherfucker", "sweater", "gymnastics", "skag", "badminton", and "whence" on the same album. They had me at "whence".

The Darkness helped me pull out of a bad mental space and inspired me to remember how much I love music. How fun and life affirming it can be. Plus, onstage they had a sense of showmanship I honestly haven't seen since Van Halen 1980.

My favorite Darkness moment came after reading an interview in the S.F. Chronicle with Justin prior to their debut S.F. show. In the interview he said:

"I was thinking about writing a song about Alcatraz from the point of view of a tourist," he says. "You know that audio tour where you do 30 seconds of solitary in a dark room? ... I was thinking of writing a song about that called 'You Should Get Out More.' "

The Rock Godz work in mysterious ways: As fate would have it, Umlaut works for the company that produced the Alcatraz audio tour. The Geek in me sent the band's management an e-mail mentioning this and how I was a big Darkness fan. The Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

A couple of days later at their sold out show at Slim's, Justin commented how they'd never been to S.F. before as a band, but he'd been here before. He elaborated by saying "I went to Alcatraz.. Did the fucking audio tour.."

If I had been drinking at that moment I would have done a spit take. Several weeks after the show, the Geek in me sent the band's management a bootleg CD of the Slim's show along with an article about The Birdman of Alcatraz. For the artwork I titled the CD Welcome To The Rock. Of course, I didn't use my real name.. I signed my note "Sincerely, Robert Stroud". The Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

Another Darkness memory: At the 2nd show in L.A. (4/18/04) Justin began his nightly trip out into the crowd atop a roadie's shoulders. The show was during the massive hype surrounding the band and you could tell they were having a blast onstage. The crowd was going bonkers. As Justin reached the point of no return in the crowd, he began having sound problems with his Les Paul. I glanced back at the stage and Frankie was taking a sip from a cup and he raised it in salute to his bandmate in peril. Call me a Geek but that struck me as a classic band camaraderie moment.

But, of course, nothing lasts forever. It's always funny how a year and selling over 2 million albums can change everything. The charismatic original lineup has already splintered. Justin is already recording a solo record (??). I'll still root for the lads, but it's a bummer when a band you dig implodes. For anyone who cares, click HERE for a great article on the band when they were still hungry.

Okay, I'll stop ranting now. I know, The Darkness aren't Led Zeppelin.. but for one brief shining moment they made me laugh and reminded me why I became a Music Geek in the first place. They were F-U-N. Hopefully they'll prove me wrong and produce a sophomore album worthy of their debut.. but it won't be the same without the glam disco pirate Scotsman on bass.

"Get your hands off of my woman, motherfucker..."

All the little kids growing up on the skids are going "Cleveland Rocks!"

The Darkness
Scene Pavilion, Cleveland, Ohio
June 15, 2004

Upon arrival in Cleveland I was starving. So I stumbled to the Hard Rock Café since it was 2 blocks from my hotel. Once again I was reminded what a misnomer “Hard Rock” Café is in reality. They were playing decidedly un-Hard Rock music, most of it easily defined as “crap”. I did enjoy ‘Seasons In The Sun’ > ‘Kung Fu Fighting’ back-to-back, but is it wise to play ‘Seasons In The Sun’ in a restaurant?! Hide the knives! I was seated in a booth next to one of Courtney Love’s baby doll dresses. It was framed and mounted like a dead animal. Definitely disturbing, but I was starving so I fought off the gag reflex and ate.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

I am so against the R&R HOF in principle. However, since I was in Cleveland I had to check it out. I’d say 10% of it is gobsmacked amazing. The other 90% is crap. While standing in line waiting for the museum to open, an older white trash couple in front of me noticed 'Super Freak' playing over the PA. To which the guy said "Rick James ain't Rock and Roll!" and then went off on a little tirade about how inappropriate Rick James' presence was on this hallowed ground.

Dude, BILLY JOEL was inducted into your R&R HOF and yet they refuse to even acknowledge BLACK SABBATH. ‘Uptown Girl’ over ‘War Pigs’?!! Die.

My music geek highlights and rants:

• The Blank Generation display (70's Punk): The pieces of Paul Simonen's bass that he's smashing on the cover of London Calling. Johnny Thunders' guitar and stage clothes circa 1989. Those clothes could probably go into rehab on their own.
• Seattle display (Grunge): Surreal that I have most of the records on display. Hope I die before I get mold.
• The only Zeppelin memorabilia was John Paul Jones items, such as his circa-1970 electric piano and bass. Where’s a Page violin bow, Bonham’s bass drum, Plant’s 70’s hair dryer, or at least the Seattle red snapper?!
• The Who: 1965 Keith Moon stage outfit and 1967 drumhead. Pete's 70’s era #5 Les Paul.
• Alice Cooper's Billion Dollar Babies boots.
• Duane Allman's gold top Les Paul and cherry red SG.
• The Ohio Music display case: Cramps, Dead Boys, Devo, Guided By Voices, NIN, etc. Nice local content.
• A display case of old radios circa 1940-50's.
• 1970's Lynyrd Skynyrd display cases: Great stuff. Allen Collins' Explorer, etc. A woman was telling her kids how she saw Skynyrd in 1976 with The Marshall Tucker Band (!). She also said how she still remembers where she was when she heard about the plane crash (at a football game in New Orleans). What a cool mom!
• The package of circa 1960's Diana Ross & The Supremes branded white bread.
• The gift shop has a locked display case of "valuable" rock memorabilia for sale. Plenty of Beatles, Stones, Elvis, etc. items. However, for the crafty museum visitor I say snap up the Dio guitar pic that's a bargain at $20!
• Lotsa guitars all over the place. My favorite: Johnny Cash's with his name inlaid on the fretboard. Who woulda thunk: one of Kirk Hammett's beaten up ESP axes. I knew him when he was THIS tall!
• Cream of the Crap: The Parental Advisory signs regarding "mature themes"! It's ROCK AND ROLL!! Also, the crap music the museum plays over the PA.. Mostly COMPLETELY inoffensive, disco / dance songs. I would have paid an extra $2 admission to at least hear 'Starfucker' by the Rolling Stones and watch the reaction of visitors.
• Cream of the Crap II: A Bon Jovi display. Dave Matthews Band stage clothes. There was a large Methodist Church group touring the museum (they were all wearing matching t-shirts). They seemed to be digging the display case of Britney Spears stage costumes (Sinners!).

I got cocky and thought I could give the finger to the museum's "No Cameras / Photography" policy. Ironically, the first (and last) pic I snapped was of the San Francisco Summer of Love display. I was immediately busted by a security guard. Oh Irony, you are indeed funny.

Oh yeah! The Darkness:

The Scene Pavilion as “seen” from across the muddy waters of the Cuyahoga River

My 4th time seeing The Darkness and I guess I’m ready to admit I might have a problem. Maybe.. Oh yeah?!! Hey!! You know what?!! I can quit ANY TIME I want!! I just don’t WANT to… It’s fun being 16 years old again, but with the means to act upon those geek impulses.

I imagine seeing Justin’s brand new, custom made, one-of-a-kind ”Seashell” Les Paul is what Mel Gibson feels when he sees a Bible. If Gibson had cast a musical instrument in the lead role of The Passion of The Christ, he would have cast that guitar. Never has a Rock Star wielded a more profound axe. The wonder of Rock is mighty indeed.

I've givin' up, givin' up, givin' a fuck.

Twas a surgically precise 5,000 mile (round trip) concert experience. Hopped on a plane. Rocked. Hopped on a plane. Home. The Rock Godz are demanding, but reward their believers in kind. Praise be to my guardian Rock Angel (Hi Skychick!).

It should be noted that this was not the most extreme that I’ve gone for a music fix. That record is still held by the 10,000 mile (r.t.) S.F. > London escapade to grovel and drool at a Nick Cave lecture / solo performance in 1999. See! I DON’T have a problem!

A HUGE shout out to Jim and the Cleveland Old School for the much appreciated hospitality! Ian Hunter sang the truth – Thanks, my bruthas! Redd Kross and Quadrophenia 4-Ever! Check out Jim’s bitchin’ Hellbomb products at your local Hot Topic or via the Hellbomb web site.

On the way back to San Francisco some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag. Beer count = 5. Doobie Brothers shirts seen = 1. Iron Maiden shirts seen = 2. Samhain shirts = 1. Misfits shirts seen = 0. “Hello Cleveland!"

The Darkness Weekend

The Darkness
Henry Fonda Theater, Hollywood, California
April 17-18, 2004

Editor's Note: This is the last Darkness rant Umlaut will issue for at least 2 months. Promise. Hey man, I DON'T have a problem! I can quit any time I want...

I fully intended to document The Darkness Weekend in proper Umlautian fashion. But when I got home from the road trip I was tired so I let it slide. Now over a week has passed and I should have struck while the iron was hot. As compensation, this newsletter is enhanced with visuals:



Note the band's tour bus, their semi, AND the Capitol Records building. So Ca-lee-for-nee-ahh Lock 'N Loll.

A Close Encounter of The Darkness Kind: In person, The Darkness look the way Rock Stars are supposed to… They are tall. All of the lads are at least 6'2".. They are towering the way Rock Stars should be… They look tall sitting down. But they genuinely seem like nice small town English blokes thrust into the limelight. Not like when you meet, say, the drummer from a certain multi-platinum band whose name rhymes with Metallica.

They all made eye contact AND had firm handshakes. They listened when spoken to and responded in kind. I believe it's what's known as communication skills. It's a valuable trait in The Real World and I think it's an asset in The Rock World too.

Celebrity Sightings: The drummer from the Foo Fighters, Billy Duffy of The Cult, and film director Jim Jarmusch (!). I also recognized a guy standing at the soundboard as having been a Jet crew guy a couple of weeks before in S.F.. I know... It's pathetic when you recognize the roadies. But I only have myself to blame.

Cutest Couple: A 12-year old boy wearing his just-purchased Darkness tour shirt sitting with his dad, who was wearing a Queen shirt. If you attended a 50 Cent concert would there be a kid whose dad is wearing a Rick James shirt? Doubt it.

On Saturday afternoon we stalked the band at the Virgin Megastore on Sunset Blvd. On Saturday night we stalked the band in the alley behind the venue after the show. On Sunday there were an inordinate number of Iron Maiden shirts in the crowd. Danzig shirts seen = 1.

On the way back to San Francisco some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag. Beer count for the weekend = 5. Being in the midst of 1,200 people all singing "Get your hands offa my woman, motherf*cker" is the closest thing to The Passion of the Christ I'll experience all year. The Darkness had me at "whence".