I Don't Care About History, 'Cause That's Not Where I Wanna Be

Here in the 21st Century, 3/4 of the Ramones are dead... and now this:

Howard Stern Plots “Rock ‘N’ Roll High School” Remake
Rolling Stone
7/31/08, 10:50 am EST

Shock jock and self-proclaimed “King of All Media” Howard Stern is turning his sights back on films with a planned remake of the classic teen flick Rock ‘n’ Roll High School. Often on his radio show, Stern discussed his love of the original 1979 film, which was about a group of punk-rock-loving students who — with an assist from the Ramones — rebel against the school’s oppressive administration. Stern is set to produce, with Alex Winter (Bill from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, now a director of music videos and TV) on tap to write the screenplay. Winter is also reportedly working on a script for MTV Films about Napster founder Shawn Fanning. As for Stern, he’s also producing another ’70s remake in Porky’s, with production possibly beginning in the fall.



Oh well.. Something else from my Salad Days desecrated.. I wonder what Monty Montgomery thinks of this; Monty was one of Umlaut's best friends back in 1979 who introduced me to 1-2-3-4. If anyone knows where Monty is these days let Umlaut know...

Click HERE to remember and to ponder what crap band Stern will enlist to replace 1-2-3-4.

There Is No God

I'm man enough to admit I got teary-eyed while watching the new Ramones DVD tonight... Man, I still miss the Ramones... and I still can't believe 3/4 of the Ramones are dead.


Meanwhile, Sting still walks The Earth. Proof positive there is no God IMO.

1988 Revisited

While going through some boxes in the attic recently, Umlaut came across a stack of old concert crap (ticket stubs, etc.) and was reminded that 1988 was a good year. Good Music Geek memories. While these aren't all the shows I saw that year, they are the ones that left an impression on me 17 years (!) later:

Guadalcanal Diary - One Step Beyond, Santa Clara, CA - Feb. 2nd
I loved this band... Charismatic and Rocking in that 80's jangly guitar way. They stormed through a cover of 'Immigrant Song' during their set that ruled. The tour shirt had a map of the U.S. on the back with made up city names (Don't Hit Me Daddy, Arkansas, etc..). Hilarious! A couple of days later a friend was driving back home to Seattle for a visit and stopped at a gas station in Oregon. He happened to be wearing the new tour shirt. When he finished paying the cashier he turned around and Guadalcanal Diary were standing behind him waiting to pay! The band saw his shirt and screamed... and they put him on the guest list for the show in Seattle. Is that a cool band story or what?!



Red Hot Chili Peppers - The Fillmore, S.F. - April 9th
One of the most violent shows Umlaut has ever experienced. Me and 4 others went to the show in one car... 4/5 of us came out injured in some way. As soon as the Chili Peppers hit the stage all Hell broke loose. One friend was pinned against the stage and suffered bruised ribs. Another was kicked in the face by a stage diver and knocked out cold. A stage diver landed on top of me and broke my glasses. Another friend had his glasses broken as well (Contact lenses are for pussies!). Miraculously, the only person not injured was the guy who drove! A chick wearing a skirt jumped onstage and started dancing and Flea pulled her skirt down and shoved her back into the crowd with his foot. At one point in between songs, Hillel stood at the front of the stage and Anthony told the audience to gob on him, a request that was obliged by many. Two months later I was hanging out with these same people on a sunny afternoon listening to KFJC when they announced Hillel's O.D..

Sinead O'Connor - The Stone, S.F. - April 22nd
Mainstream revisionist music history seems to only remember Sinead as a freak one hit wonder. However, before all of that, her debut album was mesmerizing to me. I was WAY into it. The Stone was jammed to the gills sold out and 1/2 of The Smiths were in her band (Andy Rourke and Mike Joyce). In hindsight, it was pretty cool seeing Sinead perform in a 500 seat club before all of the mainstream popularity crap hit her. A friend who couldn't get a ticket had to wait outside during the show, but met Sinead and got her autograph as she quickly ducked into a waiting getaway cab after her set. Sinead has left the building!

Billy Bragg - The Stone, S.F. - April 30th
This was Billy's 2nd ever visit to S.F... I had just missed his S.F. debut in 1986 at the I-Beam. I worshiped his "This Machine Kills Fascists"-style songs. I was so idealistic in 1988. Twas a great set.. He came back 6 months later and performed at UC Berkeley in a venue that was at least 3x bigger than The Stone. I didn't like the larger crowd he was drawing and my fandom faded... and my idealism was soon to follow. I didn't listen to Bragg again until the Wilco Mermaid Ave. collaboration... but I'm listening to the Back To Basics CD as I type all of this and it's still brilliant and still hauntingly relevant in many ways.

The Smithereens - The Stone, S.F. - May 28th
Like Guadalcanal Diary, I still have a soft spot for this band. A great early-Who / Kinks-style live act, but this was probably THE most drunken performance I've ever seen a band play. It degenerated to the point where Pat DiNizio got on his knees and balanced a beer on his head and guitarist Jim Babjak used his guitar like a baseball bat to hit it off. Later Babjak disappeared from the stage during a song but could still be heard playing. A moment later I noticed someone move next to me. I looked and it was a grinning Babjak making use of his Nady system walking through the crowd while he played. He nodded at me as he passed.

Bob Dylan / The Alarm - Greek Theater, Berkeley, CA - June 10th
I was deep into my Dylan obsession at this time.. Out of all the times I've seen Bob, this was my favorite show. His singing was coherent, his performance inspired, and Neil Young played guitar with his band. The Alarm were good too ("68 guns will never die..."). Umlaut will never pay to see Bob live again, but I'll listen to his music forever. For those who care, the setlist was:

• Subterranean Homesick Blues
• Joey
• Absolutely Sweet Marie
• Watching The River Flow
• Tangled Up In Blue
• Masters Of War
• San Francisco Bay Blues
• Boots Of Spanish Leather
• Lakes Of Pontchartrain
• The Times They Are A-Changin'
• It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry *
  
• In The Garden *
  
• Gates Of Eden *
  
• Like A Rolling Stone *
  
• Rank Strangers To Me
• Everybody's Movin' *
  
• Maggie's Farm *

* = w/ Neil Young

Ramones - One Step Beyond, Santa Clara, CA - July 12th
I'm thankful that I got to see the Ramones as many times as I did, but I did take them for granted. This was the last time I saw them with Dee Dee (Trivia: Dee Dee's final show ever with the Ramones was a year later at One Step Beyond). Marky was back in the band too. It was very hot, very sweaty, and very loud... In other words, a typical Ramones show. I bought a shirt and button at the merch table. For those who care, the setlist was:

1. Durango 95
2. Teenage Lobotomy
3. Psycho Therapy
4. Blitzkrieg Bop
5. Do You Remember Rock 'N' Roll Radio?
6. Bop Til You Drop
7. Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment
8. Rock 'N' Roll High School
9. I Wanna Be Sedated
10. I Don't Want You
11. Chinese Rock
12. Weasel Face
13. Glad To See You Go
14. Sheena Is A Punk Rocker
15. Rockaway Beach
16. Garden Of Serenity
17. I Just Want To Have Something To Do
18. Too Tough To Die
19. Mama's Boy
20. Animal Boy
21. Wart Hog
22. Surfin' Bird
23. Cretin Hop
24. I Don't Wanna Walk Around With You
25. Today Your Love Tomorrow The World
26. Pinhead
27. I Wanna Live
28. Somebody Put Something In My Drink
29. Bonzo Goes To Bitburg
30. Do You Wanna Dance?
31. Judy Is A Punk
32. We're A Happy Family

Thirty-two songs in under 70 minutes... I miss being able to take the Ramones for granted. 1-2-3-4 Cretins wanna hop some 'mo.


Ramones 1988 Tour Button (From the Umlaut Attic)

Anyway, I suppose that's a glimpse into where Umlaut's head was at back in 1988. I wasn't Metal. I was still a year or so away from Grunge reminding me how much I love loud distorted guitars... Still 2 years away from a bad year in my life... Still 3 years away from being reunited with Old Metal and The Mission Glory Days... and still 5 years away from meeting Skychick in a Lower Haight pub.

It's worth noting that I'm not in touch with anyone I hung out with in 1988. It was a good year, but to quote Dylan: "All the people we used to know they're an illusion to me now".

48 Hours

The Black Rider -
The Geary Theater, S.F. - Sept. 15, 2004

Yes, I've been obsessed with the collected works of Tom Waits at certain points in my life. Yes, I was involved in stalking him at a 1992 charity event (Hi Kat!). Yes, I've read Burroughs and been enamored with The Beats. Yes, call me a peasant, but a lot of modern art / theater just doesn't do it for me. THEATAH! ACTING! In the words of David St. Hubbins: "It's such a fine line between clever and stupid." While some of the staging and costumes were enchanting, other parts were so "Dieter, touch my monkey!" However, hearing Marianne Faithfull sing Waits was a treat. But to tell you the truth, I got the biggest charge when I saw Terry Edwards listed in the program as a member of the band in the orchestra pit. I was really into his band Gallon Drunk.. I had no idea he was in the production! Beer count = zero. Motorhead shirts = 1. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced homeless teenagers called us fags. The crowd was a nice mix of hipsters, punks, and old S.F. money... I would like to have heard each demographics response to the production: "Brilliant!" "Sublime!" "Where's the bar?" "Huh?"

Tom Waits - New Year's Eve 1990-91 Souvenir Button
(from the Umlaut Archives)

Overnight Johnny Ramone died.

The next day I wore my Ramones shirt 'cause I'm a geek. While running errands, 2 people commented on it and Johnny's passing. "Gabba gabba we accept you, we accept you, one of us.."

Supersuckers -
Cafe Du Nord, S.F. - Sept. 16, 2004
I've been following this band "forever" and admit to taking them for granted in recent years. But when they launched into 'Poor' it was 1991 all over again for me (in a good way). Ramones shirts = 5 (6 if you counted mine). Cheers to Capt. Kirk for the roadie seating during the show. Geeks shall inherit the Earth! Fightin' drunks manhandled out the door = 2. Beer count = 1. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag. Onstage Eddie Spaghetti probably had the best eulogy for Johnny Ramone: "I was saddened by Johnny's passing... but it IS one less vote for Bush." That kinda talk will send you to Hell. I like it.

1-2-3-4

Circa 1977-78 I saw a local t.v. news report about this thing called "Punk Rock".. My friend and I thought it was funny and we wrote our own "Punk Rock" song lyrics. However, KISS and Star Wars were the only things I seriously cared about at that point in my life. I associated "rebellion" with X-Wing fighters.

A year later one of my best friends in high school was a guy named Monty. He introduced me to the Ramones. Monty had a Johnny Ramone haircut. "It's the end, the end of the 70's..." I haven't seen Monty in at least 15 years.

I'm man enough to admit that I got misty eyed a couple of times during this film.. Genuine emotions about a band... Hmmm. Tis something I didn't feel in any way, shape, or form during Some Kind Of Monster.


1980's Tour Button (from the Umlaut Archives)

For some reason, I imagined that most of the people in the theater were with someone who had attended a Ramones concert with them.. It was true for me (Hey Ho to Jayne!). Afterwards my entourage and I shared our Ramones memories all the way back home (Hey Ho also to Kim and Chris!).

On a certain level the film made me feel old... But at the same time it made me feel fortunate to have seen the Ramones as many times as I did. It also reminded me that I took the band for granted in their later years and opted not to see them several times. Regrets, I've had a few...


Johnny's Guitar Pic (from the Umlaut Archives)

"4-5-6-7 all good cretins go to Heaven.."

***** *****

BONUS Random Rock Star Moment #13: The Ramones

From Umlaut friend Kathy G.:
"The first time I went to Berlin, January 1990, I was on the same plane with the Ramones coming home. Never did get the nerve up to go talk to them..."

***** *****

And this excellent Ramones Memory from Lori Acid King:
"I saw the Ramones in the late 70's at an indoor amusement park in Bollingbrook, IL called Old Chicago. It was the Disco Era and they had a dance contest with the light up floor and the whole 9 yards. After the Ramones played people were riding the indoor roller coaster screaming "Hey Ho! Let's Go!!" and Punk Rockers signed up for the Disco dance contest and pogo'ed on the dance floor next to the spandexers. Pretty funny now that I think about it!"