Three Bands

ARMORED SAINT
Saint was just about the only other L.A. Metal band besides Slayer that Umlaut liked during the early-80's Metal Days. One of Metallica's 1st roadies, a guy named Dave Marrs, always raved about them to me (Does anyone know where Dave is now?? I haven't talked to him in almost 15 years..). The 1st time they played in S.F. I was down front and Dave was standing stage right watching for my reaction. When I looked over at him with METAL in my eyes he said "I told you!' Now, the concept of a Metal band taking the stage wearing armor definitely seemed as silly then as it does now... But Saint were such a great live band that you could forgive their costumes in the same way you forgave KISS for their costumes. Between 1983-85 I saw Saint at least 6x... Even after all these years, when I hear the opening riff of 'Can U Deliver' my head starts to bang involuntarily... Saint were also cool to me whenever I met them, which was always nice. I once sat with them in their band van after a show listening to a tape of the just completed gig. Guitarist Dave Prichard passed away in 1990 from cancer and John Bush (vocals) and Joey Vera (bass) both spent time in Anthrax after Armored Saint was laid to rest. I don't know what the other 2 guys are up to.. Saints Will Conquer! (Photo: The Keystone, Palo Alto, CA - 1983. Pic by Umlaut)


Metallica / Armored Saint - Kabuki Theater, S.F. - March 1985 (TEN BUCKS...)

SLEEP
It's hard for me to appreciate how legendary Sleep are because I've know Al for so long. I met Al in the late-80's when he worked at Tower Records in Mt. View, CA and before Sleep was born. Big Wayne and I would hang out in the stock room with our friend John, who worked at that Tower too. Al was "the kid" who always wanted to talk about Black Sabbath and who was gonna start a band. And fuck if Al didn't do just that in a massive way. Are Sleep the best band to ever come outta San Jose? Uh, YEAH.. I have no idea how many times I saw them, but it was definitely well into double digits. Their best shows were when they projected NASA archival video of astronauts in space on a screen behind them as they played. Stoner A/V Rules! Sleep's Holy Mountain is still one of my favorite albums - "I believe the signs of the reptile master..." I won't go into the story of Sleep's demise, but the guys did go on to form a pair of great bands: Om and High On Fire. I still have my glow in the dark Sleep 'Stoner Astronaut' shirt. (Photo: Al onstage circa 1992 - From Thora-Zine #5)


Grotus / Neurosis / Sleep - Kennel Club, S.F. - 5/27/92 (According to the review in Umlaut #5, I wore a new pair of glasses to this show...)

VUE
The thing I loved about the Vue was they had a confident swagger onstage that you don't see in many S.F. bands. They were one of those bands who translated better live than in the studio. When I visited Cleveland in June 2004 I met some cool Music Geek bruthas and to my surprise they were Vue fans too. After a stint with SubPop, they signed with RCA in 2003 and opened for the Rolling Stones in Holland. Things seemed on the verge of breaking for the Vue. Alas, it wasn't to be. One of the best albums no one will ever hear is the band's RCA recording Down For Whatever (produced by Davy Vain of the 80's S.F. Glam Rock band Vain). It was only released in France and Japan before RCA unceremoniously dropped the band and cancelled the U.S. release. Thankfully, Umlaut witnessed the Vue's final show (The Blank Club, San Jose, CA - 8/14/04). There were only around 30 people in the club, but it was still one of the best performances I saw all that year. Another great band that time will forget, but I won't. 3/5 of the Vue are now in the S.F. band Bellavista. I haven't seen 'em yet. (Photo: RCA Records Advance CD-R for Down For Whatever... The closest it got to a U.S. release..)


Vue - Great American Music Hall, S.F. - 7/29/04 (The drunk girl selling merch gave me free stuff...)

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ADDENDUM

Umlaut would like to apologize as yet another Old Metal Geekfest erupts in this space. Some people mark their youth by sporting events they saw.. Umlaut and his tribe gauge their Salad Days with METAL.

Submitted by John Marshall:

During the Ride The Lightning Tour, Armored Saint opened for Metallica and Wasp for most of the Summer across the U.S.. Saint were a great bunch of guys, and really fun to hang out with.

They were a really good live band, and held up well opening for Metallica (Metallica and Wasp were actually "co-headliners", alternating who went on last in different cities..... a fuckin' joke if you ask me). In fact, at the end of the tour Metallica and Saint did a few gigs without Wasp, and Saint actually headlined the show in L.A.. They were THAT big there at that time.

A couple of Saint's crew guys have since been pilfered for other gigs: Zach Harmon has been Metallica's bass tech and equipment manager for almost 20 years, and their only full time crew guy for almost that long. Neil Schaffer did sound for many other bands, including Metal Church.

It was a sad day to learn that Dave Prichard had died. He was one of the good guys.

Another tidbit that some people may not know: At one point John Bush was asked to join Metallica as their lead singer. He declined, because of his loyalty to Armored Saint, and because their future looked just as bright as Metallica's. Funny how the cards fall innit?

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Submitted by Lauraloha:

Lauraloha loved Armored Saint. One more rest stop on the Metal Highway that Umlaut and I were visiting together and no one knew.

I first saw Armored Saint at the Keystone Berkeley (loved that club! loved it!). It was the first time I had EVER witnessed moshing and it burnt a vision into my brain that I will never forget. The club was little and I remember the armor and the theatrics and I think John Bush even walked on some tables if I remember right. The crowd was moshing and I was off to the side sitting on a table or a bar or something... The opening to 'Can U Deliver' is amazing. Makes me want to pull out the CD right now...

Zach Harmon, the oldest Metallica roadie still in existence, was a roadie for Armored Saint. Zach grew up in Pasadena and there was a Metal connection there cuz Saint was from SoCal as well. Being a roadie for Armored Saint is how Zach hopped on the Metallica bandwagon. In the later years when I was one of Zach's runner girls, he would always tell us great stories about Armored Saint and the "Good 'Ol Days".

Anyway, I loved Armored Saint and saw them as many times as I could around The Bay. I wonder if Umlaut was in the mosh pit or hanging out in the back taking it all in like me. The coincidences around here are spooky.

Can U Deliver? I wonder.

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Umlaut's Addendum:

Dear Lauraloha: Umlaut was fucking DOWN FRONT at those Saint shows!! I took no shit in The Pit while getting classic blurry photos like this one.

Yes, I CAN deliver... "It's just the FEEVAH... Here's your chance to PLEEEEAAZZZE.."

This addendum is dedicated to the 4 readers (you know who you are) who are laughing out loud right now.

Umlaut drove down to San Jose today and listened to the March Of The Saints album the entire time... Nostalgia is a good driving companion sometimes, dyaknowwhatimean?

Oh, millionaire Rock Star and Art Collector Lars Ulrich was a big Armored Saint fan too, back when he was a Metalhead Geek like the rest of us:


Lars Saint Shirt - Keystone Palo Alto, Halloween 1983 (Pic by Umlaut)

"Inner voices scream: GLORY BOUND! GLORY BOUND!!"

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Added by Umlaut 1/17/06:

THANKS to Hayne for this one: Sleep is featured in the recent Jim Jarmusch film Broken Flowers AND they also appear on the soundtrack CD!!

There's a scene at a trashy ranch in the middle of nowhere. Lots of motorcycles parked outside. A Redneck guy is working on a car in a garage...and the Sleep song 'Dopesmoker' is blasting.

WOW. As Hayne said "Jarmusch always picks cool music." INDEED!

I hope Al & Co. got paid handsomely for that... Sleep: Gone but obviously not forgotten!!

Hell Bent For Leatha: The 6 Days of Rock

The 6 Days of Rock thundered across the Umlaut landscape from July 27th through August 1st. When The Rock Godz call Umlaut, their siren call of "Me rock you long time" must be heeded.. and it was good.

July 27th:
Jet / Sloan
The Fillmore, San Francisco

Me likey Jet’s greasy haired, unshaven, unkempt Rock. They also get Bonus Points for playing The Faces as their intro tape.. And a gold star on their foreheads for only charging $15 for t-shirts. I can’t remember the last time I saw merch being sold for “reasonable” prices at a Corporate Rock venue like the historic Fillmore.

Beer count = 1. Leatha Rating = Low… but Jet’s drummer did wear his leather jacket for the entire set. I’d hate to be near that thing on the tour bus. Average height of the crowd = 5’7” or so. On the way back to the car some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. The exodus of scenesters prior to the encores was unfortunate. Choke on your Abercrombie & Fitch-flavored Kool Aid!

July 29th:
The Vue
The Great American Music Hall, San Francisco



Before I go any further I must state that as of this week, The Vue are my favorite band. I’ve been seeing bands since 1978 and only a handful have been as locked into The Rock onstage. The Vue are locked. The first time I saw them I couldn't stop saying to myself "They are the real deal.." and I've said that after every one of their shows since. Rock Star Crushes aside.

Beer count = 2. Leatha Rating = Low. Average height of the crowd = 5'8" or so. On the way back to the car some pimply-faced teenage prostitutes called us fags. I can't remember the last time a band's merch person gave me free stuff for saying how much I liked the band.. but it happened on this night.

July 30th:
Judas Priest / Slayer
Sleep Train Amphitheatre, Marysville, CA



A surgically precise 265 mile (round trip) road trip to California's Central Valley. The venue was in the middle of bumfuck nowhere surrounded by farms, new soulless real estate developments, and road kill.

SLAYER: The Slayer fan "call and response" is a sociological phenomenon that has humored folks like me for years. It goes something like this: At a gig, one Slayer fan shouts (or screams) "SLAAAYAAAHH!!" to no one in particular. In response, Slayer fans in the vicinity (usually wasted) shout (or scream) "SLAAAYAAAHH!!" back at the original shouter. At this show we witnessed this (1) in the parking lot, (2) at the entrance gate, (3) in the Men's Room, and (4) in the seats. Hearing a Men's Room full of pissing dudes screaming "SLAAAYAAAHH!!" at each other must be what a Superbowl locker room feels like.

However, the joke was on the Slayer Call & Response dudes since while most of them milled around the concourse getting drunk and yelling at each other, SLAAAYAAAHH walked onstage way earlier than expected since the advertised opening act was cancelled. It was criminal for Slayer to play in front of a practically empty amphitheater.

One of the highlights of Slayer's set was a wannabe Suicide Girl a couple of rows in front of us. She sang along PERFECTLY to every song.. Her memorization of the lyrics was VERY impressive. The two dudes sitting in front of her (obviously there to see Priest) even turned around to see what the deal was since while she sang she also banged her head, jumped up and down, and gave the devil horn sign. She'll make someone a fine psychopatic spouse some day.

The pit action during 'Seasons In The Abyss' and 'Angel Of Death' was sublime. 'South Of Heaven' made me smile. Dude! They played 'Postmortem'! Meanwhile, the two little daughters of Slayer members watched the fun from the side of the stage (awwww). They looked bored.

Prior to the gig, I counted on soaking up some Central Valley White Supremacist fun and I wasn't disappointed. (Note to non-Californians: Despite Cali's liberal rep, we have a nice White Supremacist movement in our Central Valley, thank you very much). Twas sweet seeing white boys walking around sans shirts with "WHITE POWER" tattooed across their stomachs. Such irony that they follow Slayer when Tom Araya isn't close to being Aryan. Perhaps they think his name is Tom ARYAN. Goofball racist fucks.

"I dance with the dead in my dreams, listen to their hallowed screams.."

JUDAS PRIEST: From 1980-82 Judas Priest were my favorite band. Ironically, my friends and I were completely clueless about the homoerotic undertones in Priest's music. We innocently drove up to S.F. and bought our studded belts and wristbands at gay leather shops.. "That giant rubber fist is kinda weird... I wonder what it's.. NO WAY! That belt is JUST LIKE Halford's!!" Kidz these days with their safe and sterile Hot Topic shopping are wimps.

Unfortunately, Priest chose to play the godawful 'Turbo Lover' and a semi-acoustic version of 'Diamonds & Rust'. My guess is the latter is Halford's exclamation that he's out of the closet since he channeled Joan Baez quite heavily during the performance. Note to non-Metal readers: 'Diamonds & Rust' is a Joan Baez song that Priest covered and made their own. For old Metalheads it should have been our first clue that Halford was gay.. but alas we were clueless 'cause the Priest version ROCKED.

'Green Manalishi', 'Victim Of Changes', and 'Beyond The Realms Of Death' were total godhead. Me smile and bang head. Good.

Beer count = 1. Leatha Rating = THROUGH THE FUCKING ROOF!! Priest are BACK! Average height of the crowd = 6' or so. For the first time in the 12 years of Umlaut, we were called fags BEFORE the show instead of on the way back to the car! Stunning. A pimply-faced teenaged waiter in a Sacramento brew pub did so by his facial reaction when Timo ordered a PINK lemonade instead of a beer. When he brought the check he also said "Do YOU TWO want anything else?" The implication that Timo and I were a couple was obvious. We said "No thanks" and told him we were on our way to see that openly homosexual Heavy Metal band Judas Priest.

"The air's electric, sparking power...loaded... loaded.."

August 1st (Early):
Hot Chick Stoner BBQ DVD Release Party
Featuring Old Grandad / Acid King / Totimoshi
Bottom of the Hill, San Francisco



On a serious note: Of all The 6 Days of Rock shows, this was the most special since a family emergency developed the night before (Get well soon Dixie! Love, Mom & Dad). Hanging out with so many old friends at this gig meant a lot (A huge shout out to "The Core".. You know who you are..).

Anyway, back to bizness: Eight bucks at the door got you 3 of S.F. / Oakland's finest (and heaviest) bands AND all you can eat BBQ. Hey! You got RAWK in my BBQ! And you got BBQ in my RAWK! This was the type of show that made me want to keep my hair long and (occasionally) greasy. Posers will pay the price. It was also the type of show that felt like you were standing behind a dump truck as it unloaded 2 tons of mud on top of you.. but in a good way.

Beer count = 2. Leatha Rating = Moderate. Average height of the crowd = 5'7" or so. On the way back to the car some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag. In another life (and another band) I saw Acid King's drummer perform on that same stage wearing fish net stockings, which he showed off by standing on his drum stool.

August 1st (Late):
The Hives / Sahara Hotnights
The Fillmore, San Francisco

I think "The Hives" translates from Swedish into "The Swedes don't know how to pull off an ironic sense of humor the way the English can". In the hands of the Swedes irony comes off as annoying. But I suppose it's the best they can do considering IKEA is all their fault.

Beer count = ZERO. Leatha Rating = ZERO. It was simply shocking how NORMAL looking the crowd was.. Average height of the crowd = 5'6" or so. Umlaut aide Miatomic battled The Hives' Southeast Asian fan base.. Literally and figuratively. On the way back to the car some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. I think "Sahara Hotnights" translates from Swedish into "The Donnas".

And on The 7th Day Umlaut rested.

With The 6 Days of Rock over, I can think of nothing more appropriate than to watch the best San Francisco movie (IMO):

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

"Are you sure it isn't time for a colorful metaphor?" - Spock

A Tale Of Two Nights

The Von Bondies / Vue
Great American Music Hall, San Francisco
March 26, 2004

High On Fire / Old Grandad
Bottom of the Hill, San Francisco
March 28, 2004

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." So saideth Charles Dickens in an old book I once read.

The Von Bondies: When I walked into the Great American I noticed all of the kids who were in The House. The number of Abercrombie & Fitch outfits was noticeable. Some guy was telling another guy about an article he read in Rolling Stone. I miss the days of 'zine conversation at shows ("Dude! Have you seen the new Racecar?!"). Still, I must admit that I dig the Von Bondies. They have a badass Asian Brutha on drums who makes you wonder why Meg White even qualifies to be called a drummer from Detroit. The Vue are like the Brian Jonestown Massacre without The Habit. Number of Judas Priest shirts seen = 0.

High On Fire: When I walked into the Bottom of the Hill I noticed all of the neck tattoos in The House. The number of face tattoos was noticeable. Twas the Goddess of Acid King's birthday. When else you gonna see the bassist from Sleep walk through a crowded club with a lighted birthday cake?! I ain't never seen that before.. and I've been around. Even if they are the Nu Motorhead, HOF's '10,000 Years' is still one of the most godhead songs ever. The fact that they played it was reason enough for me to be there. It's comforting seeing Old Grandad 'cause the bassist also works at Rainbow. I see him rocking AND I see him when I buy my food. That's really Zen. Number of Judas Priest shirts seen = 2.

On both nights, on the way back to the car, some pimply faced teenagers called me a fag. A fight broke out at the Von Bondies. There were no fights at High On Fire. I guess the Alternative Rock crowd is tougher than the Metal crowd. Bummer. Beer count = 1 at Von Bondies, 2 at High On Fire + pre-show margueritas.

The verdict: I'm old.