Lazy From The Heat

Mayhem Festival 2013
Shoreline Amphitheatre, Mountain View, California
June 30, 2013

I realized the day before this show that I've attended every Mayhem Festival except one since the debut trek in 2008.  Weird.  Anyway, I'm going to keep this short since it was that kind of day.  It was hot but not unbearably so.  Unfortunately, the lower temperature was compensated by more annoyances this year.  Huntress and Battlecross were onstage and wailing in the background as I dealt with Will Call drama upon arriving at the venue.  If a picture is worth a thousand words, then here's 1,000 words about Mayhem Festival 2013:

The Wristbands to Nowhere

Anyway, the day basically went like this:

Side Stages:

• Butcher Babies - Awful.
• Born Of Osiris - Watched them until my mind wandered and I found myself having a profound conversation with a cold beer.
• Job For A Cowboy -  I've seen JFAC several times but I still can't name 1 song and I still find their name annoying.
• Machine Head - During the first 40 seconds of their opening song 4 beers and 2 different shoes were thrown in the air above the pit action.  Home cooking rules.

 [Photo courtesy of Photo Ray]

• Children Of Bodom -Their stage backdrop showing a Finnish snowstorm scene was ironic but also made me hungry. I soon found myself having a delightful conversation with a plate of overpriced "organic" amphitheatre food.

Despite the 18 bands playing today, THE MOST METAL moment was this random Murder In The Front Row reunion:

 Ted of Death Angel!!  Rick Hunolt!

Bonded by blood 4-ever, man.  Anyway after that glimmer of awesomeness the hot day continued with..

Main Stage:

• Amon Amarth - The Swedes brought their awesome Viking long boat drum riser to America for the first time... but I think it lost something in translation to a crowd that was primed for some Five Finger Death Punch.   I think "Amon Amarth" in Swedish means "Dethklok".  I actually like the Swedes quite a bit.. cheesiness and all.  What's the Viking word for "cheese"?

  [Photo courtesy of Photo Ray]

• Mastodon - Maybe it was because I had just seen the band at a rare club show, but the energy level seemed low; this was my 15th time being in the same venue as Mastodon.  Their vocal mix seemed *off* but I still enjoyed their brief time in the direct sunlight.
• Five Finger Death Punch - Since I don't own any Affliction or Tapout this was how I watched 5FDP:

If there is one band that represents everything I hate about Metal in the 21st Century it's 5FDP.  Jocks and the Jock mentality ruined the soul of Metal a long time ago.  Remember when Jocks had no clue who Lemmy was?  Me too, man.  Me too. 

• Rob Zombie - I have to say tonight was the best Zombie performance I've seen in years.  He was engaged, funny, and the set and song choices were focused.  This probably means that an hour set might be the perfect length for Zombie to play before my attention starts to wander.  That being said, his Hippie stage clothes started making me hungry for some organic food again..

  [Photo courtesy of Photo Ray]

There was way too much merch to do a merch audit, but I have to say that Zombie, Mastodon, and Machine Head had the best looking merch; their merch company nailed it.  On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags.  This was not the smoothest or the most fun Mayhem Festival for Umlaut by a long shot.   Let's just move on with this year, shall we...

Slaycation

Slayer / Rob Zombie / Exodus
WaMu Theater, Seattle, Washington
August 6, 2011


Because of my decision to travel to Seattle for this weekend of Metal, I missed not one but two Yob / Dark Castle shows and also the return to San Francisco of my kindred Metal friends Landmine Marathon, but my plans had been made in advance of those shows being announced. Metal guilt was eating me up inside as I arrived at SFO for the flight North and although part of me was really bummed about what I was missing at home, the Metal F-U-N in Seattle proved to be worth the sacrifice. Ironically a mob of Bay Area people also made the trip North of Heaven for the Portland and Seattle shows since they were the only West Coast dates on this 12-city tour (a shout out to Paschke, Cable Car, and Lisa P..).

Upon landing I picked up the rental car and the first song that came on the radio was Soundgarden as I drove out of the airport; I'm not kidding. For the rest of my stay, Seattle Rock radio KISW displayed a blatant narcissistic trait of playing Seattle bands way too often (Soundgarden, Heart, Pearl Jam, Alice In Chains.. etc.). Okay, I get it, those bands are from here. Prior to the show we did a Yelp search of the area looking for food and the very first place that came up was called… Araya’s Place! I shit you not. The Metal Godz work in mysterious ways… but we didn’t eat there.

After parking the rental car a block from the venue, the echos of people shouting "SLAAAYEER!" could already be heard in the streets and alleys. I can't think of another band that causes such primal behavior so randomly... and it makes me laugh out loud every time. On another note, it's always nice when a show is this easy:

The inside of this venue had the weird hybrid vibe of a nightclub, a sports bar, and a warehouse; a soulless multipurpose space if there ever was one. However, I didn't have to suffer the details of the space for very long since the houselights went down and Exodus arrived onstage to give Seattle a proper Bay Area-style ass kicking. We quickly made our way past the security barrier and watched the mayhem from stage right. With only 30 minutes and 6 songs to work with the Bay Area heroes wasted no time in getting things going with 3 newer songs... 'The Ballad Of Leonard & Charles' into 'War Is My Shepard' into 'Blacklist'. For the kill shot, Exodus finished off with 3 old songs... 'Bonded By Blood' into 'Toxic Waltz' and then an amazing set-closing 'Strike Of The Beast' that featured a guest appearance by Kerry Fucking King!!

Photo courtesy of Cable Car

While 'Strike' was the obvious highlight of the set, my Inner Teenage Metalhead couldn't stop smiling as I watched a kid against the barrier singing along to 'Bonded By Blood'. That kid is gonna be alright! There's only one other band who I have as more history with than Exodus... and it was pretty fucking cool that Slayer put them on this tour as pay back for "borrowing" Gary during Hanneman's recovery over the past 10 months. That kind of Old School loyalty doesn't happen very often these days.

During the changeover before Rob Zombie we walked back out amongst the civilians to check out the merch table in the lobby. At one point during our trek through the drunk Saturday night masses I heard someone behind me cough followed by the unmistakable sound of vomit hitting a concrete floor. I didn't turn around and just kept walking.

As we found a spot at the soundboard to watch Zombie's set I was prepared to be as underwhelmed by him as I've been in the past. While I love his aesthetic and I like John 5 on guitar, Zombie's dance music disguised as Metal (with its electro beat under everything) has never really done it for me. Tonight was the last show of Zombie's Hellbilly Deluxe 2 Tour and I have to admit tonight's final show was... really great! The show I saw early in the tour in San Jose quickly became a distant bad memory as Zombie ripped through a tight 70-minute set filled with his usual theatrics of horror video, pyro, and no less than 7 mechanical beasts that wheeled or marched onto the stage at various times. Maybe it was because it was the last night of the long tour, but the band seemed to be in overdrive as they worked the stage effectively and Zombie seemed to be way more engaged than the last time I saw him.

An odd end of the tour moment came when Zombie introduced Rob of Exodus onstage to help him with a pretty lame crowd participation segment followed by Rob contributing back up vocals to 'Sick Bubblegum'. It was odd. Anyway, the final song of the set and the tour was a spirited version of 'Dragula' that featured fire and confetti cannons... and then Rob Zombie slipped into the night to return to making horror movies featuring his wife.

Photo courtesy of Cable Car

During the 40 minute changeover break between Zombie and Slayer we wandered backstage to find the usual distractions that civilians expect backstage (use your imaginations...). We also got a glimpse behind the scenes of Zombie's cabaret act as his stage props were brought offstage:

Photo courtesy of Cable Car

Having a bill of Slayer and Rob Zombie gave the audience two different versions of Hell: Zombie's is a comic book version of Hell filled with hot chicks, hot rods, and monsters. Slayer's version of Hell is a bleak blood-soaked reality. Whereas Zombie relied heavily on theatrics to communicate his version of Satan's playground, Slayer only needed a wall of Marshall cabinets, a pair of huge metal Slayer Eagles above the stage, and their unrelenting and brutal music. During the opening song 'World Painted Blood' there was something going on in the crowd down front but because of the lighting I couldn't figure out what it was... Then it hit me: It was a guy in a fucking WHEELCHAIR crowd surfing:

Photo by Umlaut's iPhone

Fucking insane!! According to the Umlaut Archives, tonight was around my 23rd time seeing Slayer and I've NEVER seen anything like that! I know it sucked for those underneath him, but kudos to that guy and to his buddies for lifting him up. You do not see someone enjoying life that hardcore and to the fullest very often! That guy was the definition of handi-capable! HAIL!

In recent years it's become cathartic and even a spiritual thing for me to witness Slayer onstage. Seriously. Their brutality through volume serves as a mantra straight to those dark places where normal people won't go... Their dark and violent Metal vision gives me perspective to balance out the lighter Classic Rock side of life. At different times during the set I knew I wasn't the only one who felt that way as I saw fans raise their hands to the sky, palms open, as if they were testifying to an unseen "something". God had nothing to do with it. Nothing.

The most profound difference in Slayer's approach to Metal compared to Zombie's came during 'South Of Heaven'. While Zombie put on a pop culture and effects fueled extravaganza to get the crowd going, Slayer's approach was so minimalist it was brilliant. As 'South Of Heaven' slowly built up from its intro to its full speed fury, the plain black backdrop fell to reveal a massive SLAYER logo. The effect of this happening half way through the song, and well into the set, was awesome and the crowd went apeshit. Brilliant... AND cost effective.

SLAAAYEER!!!
[Photo courtesy of Cable Car]

This was the final indoor show of Slayer's World Painted Blood Tour which started in 2009 and was plagued by events that would have derailed a lesser band. First there was Araya needing neck surgery and then Hanneman being stricken by the very Metal disease Necrotizing fasciitis (the most Metal disease ever..), the latter requiring the band to enlist the help of Gary Holt to complete the tour. This was the 2nd time I'd seen the band with Gary and, while it will be the best day when Hanneman is back onstage, I have to say it's been a revelation watching Slayer be energized by Gary's presence. Given the uncertain future of the original lineup the band has looked hungry and filled with bloodlust in their recent performances, especially Kerry.

Gary 'n Kerry
[Photo courtesy of Cable Car]

The night's final assault of 'Raining Blood' into 'Black Magic'(!) into 'Angel Of Death' was completely obliterating as Slayer finished this final indoor show of the tour. I also liked how Lombardo's playing during the final minute of 'Angel Of Death' alone blew away the drumming during Zombie's entire 70 minute set... and I couldn't help but smile when I noticed the kid in the middle of the pit holding up the national flag of Chile for Tom towards the end of the set. For the White Power Slayer fans: Tom is Chilean (aka a brown person) and his last name is Araya and not "Aryan"... Oh and Lombardo is Cuban (aka also a brown person).

White Power tees = 1. If you bought one of every Slayer merch item you would have paid over $400. On the way back to the hotel, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag.

The next day I had all day to kill before my flight home so I checked out the Nirvana exhibition at the Experience Music Project. It was interesting... but to be honest it's completely weird when I see something that I was into when it was happening be presented in such a portentous way years later.

The exhibit featured such Nirvana artifacts as old cassette demos, show flyers, articles of Cobain's clothes, Cobain's guitars, and candid photos from Nirvana's pre-fame DIY tours. Unlike most "Metal fans", Umlaut is of the opinion that it was not Grunge that killed 80's Metal. It was the bullshit Hair Metal bands that destroyed it! Once those bullshit bands became legitimized then anything associated with "Metal" became tainted by their cancer of mediocrity. Seriously. I think it's funny that you've never heard Slayer complain about Grunge but you STILL hear a bullshit "Metal" band like Ratt complaining how Grunge ruined their career. That being said, while the Nirvana exhibition was interesting in a surreal way I completely geeked out when I stumbled upon the Battlestar Galactica exhibition that was upstairs!! HOLY FRAK!

The exhibit had such show artifacts as full-size Vipers and Cylon fighters (!), Number Six's iconic red dress (!), as well as other costumes, models, and props. Sorry Grunge... BSG at its best was better than your flannel. I also had time to visit the sculpture that inspired the Soundgarden song 'Black Hole Sun':

I like the song more now knowing it was inspired by a piece of public art; Grunge lives in our (he)arts. Anyway, a few hours after all of this my Slaycation was over as I sat on a jet airliner heading back to Casa de Umlaut.

Slaycation all I ever wanna do... Slaycation had to get away.

Half Empty Half Full

Rob Zombie
San Jose State Event Center, San Jose, CA
November 3, 2009



Prior to this show Umlaut's afternoon unfolded like this: Bought the limited edition version of the new Slayer album on the day of release > hellacious rush hour traffic going towards San Jose > coffee pit stop (latte!) > my favorite old skool San Jose taqueria (Super Taq!) > easy free street parking 2 blocks from the venue.

I was into White Zombie for awhile back in The Day (Remember when they played the DNA Lounge? Me too..) but after Rob Zombie went solo I became more of a fan of his style rather than his music.. I like his whole Horror aesthetic alot, but I can only say I like maybe 3 of his solo songs.. maybe 2. The only reason I wanted to attend this show was to see what kind of extravagant show Zombie would stage... However, the overriding thought in my head going in was how this was the 2nd time in 2 weeks I was visiting the Event Center for a gig after having only been to the venue once in the previous 14 years (!). Remember when White Zombie headlined the Event Center in 1995 with Babes In Toyland and the Melvins supporting? Me too.

As we entered the venue, the next thought in my head was "Wow, this place is really empty..".. and it really was empty! Unlike the sold out Slipknot show a couple of weeks ago, the bleachers of the Event Center had been pulled out to fill up as much of the floor as possible and 1/4 of the seats on either side of the stage were blocked off by curtains; sure signs of *light* ticket sales. However, even with these optical illusions in place, it was obvious the Event Center attendance was not ideal; my guess is around 2,500 in the 7,000 capacity space, which surprised me. It was empty to the point where they were actually taking down 1 of the only 2 merchandise stands BEFORE the headliner came on because the lobby was basically a ghost town... and the show was so empty an usher AND a supervisor guarded a pile of vomit while a mop was retrieved...

WTF!? Guarding a pile of vomit?! This was a CONCERT for dog's sake, not a mall! Vomit is a concert hazard that dates back to the dawn of time, but that's the kind of slow night it was at the Event Center. Also, there were literally no kids in the audience! I know it was a school night, but it was still very weird and it gave me the feeling that I was at a Classic Rock show... with an *older* act whose best creative days musically are in the past playing for an *older* audience wanting to spend an evening reliving their past.

That being said, Rob Zombie and his band know how to work a crowd and John 5 is one of my favorite guitarists to watch perform. The stage production featured cool video graphics, the familiar 10-foot robot from past tours during 'More Human Than A Human', and raised box platforms at the front of the stage that Zombie, John 5, and bassist Piggy D. used constantly to interact with the front row and beyond... and, despite several problems with his mic during the first half of the set, Zombie's onstage charisma is still undeniable.

Now, with that being said, despite the charisma and the confidence, Zombie has always lacked songs... There, I said it. The majority of his songs tend to have that same electro-rhythm sample running through them that makes the songs more *Dance* than *Metal*, which I guess is the whole idea. Eventhough this was my 3rd time seeing him solo since White Zombie disbanded, to my ears Zombie's songs sound dated here in the 21st Century. I just kept thinking how this was Classic Rock for the Affliction crowd now... Although it was funny watching how old hits like 'Living Dead Girl' and 'Dragula' seemed to make all the women around me, and some of the guys, want to jump on the nearest stripper pole.

It's interesting that for most of the past decade, Zombie has become more well-known because of his films rather than his music... and I think the attendance tonight reflected this change of focus. It actually might be a relevant career move for Zombie to follow the Anvil live model and stage shows that feature a screening of one of his movies followed by a live performance by Rob Zombie: Rock Star. I'm not saying that Umlaut would pay to see that, but it would be a credible way for him to combine his two worlds so he's not playing in front of a half empty college gymnasium again.

If you bought one of every Rob Zombie merch item you would have paid around $420. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. Given the number of great shows Umlaut has seen this year to date, I have to say this was not one of them... but it was still an extremely easy and fun night... and ultimately that's all that matters... AND I had the new Slayer album to listen to on the drive home!

Maiden OzzFest

The exciting sequel to Maiden Brazil.

When I was a teenage Metalhead in the early-80's, Iron Maiden reinforced the idea in my head that intelligent and literate people could also be METAL. They wrote songs inspired by subjects such as World History, Literature, ancient myths, movies, The Occult, Biblical prophecies, and certain cerebral British t.v. shows... Pretty much everything I was into as a teenage geek who preferred books to Donkey Kong. And I wasn't the only one... [click for link]

The Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

Plus, Maiden were (and are) great musicians and an astounding live band.

To quote Maiden: "I left alone, my mind was blank. I needed time to think to get the memories from my mind..."

Oakland Stadium, Oakland, CA - July 18, 1982

The Number Of The Beast Tour - Pt. 1.. Maiden's debut Bay Area show in front of 45,000 and OPENING for Foreigner (!?.. the headliners..), Loverboy (!?), and Scorpions. We had been waiting at least a year to see Maiden since stumbling across Killers in the Tower Records import (VINYL!) section. Unfortunately, the 1981 Killers Tour (the band's first U.S. trip) didn't make it to the S.F. Bay Area. Needless to say, I was as excited as only a 17-year old can be for a concert.. We were down front as Maiden stormed onstage and left after the Scorps played... However, Rich Hellhound's car had been towed and his dad had to come bail our asses out. He was NOT pleased despite the fact that Rich and I had finally seen Maiden.

Oakland Coliseum Arena, Oakland, CA - Sept. 4, 1982

The Number Of The Beast Tour - Pt. 2.. Maiden were middle of the bill between Scorpions and Girlschool. We waited in line all day and the kids who eventually formed the band Death Angel waited next to us. During Maiden I ran into a guy known as "John Maiden" (His favorite band being...). He stuck his tongue out to show me the tab of acid he had just taken. John went on to become a cop with the SFPD.

Cow Palace, S.F. - July 2, 1983

Piece Of Mind Tour.. Saxon and Fastway supported. At this time I had dozens of Metal penpals in Europe and the U.S.. One of them was a groupie Metal chick in St. Louis and she told me about her "encounter" with Bruce Dickenson when Maiden were in town on this tour. Furry. In hindsight, her choice of Rock Stars was suspect since there was another time she told me about her "encounter" with Ian Hill of Judas Priest [click for link]. Eww.

Cow Palace, S.F. - March 21, 1985

Powerslave Tour.. Twisted Sister opened at the height of their "We're Not Gonna Take It" MTV hype. Big Wayne and I wandered around the Cow Palace during their set because, despite what VH1 says today, Twisted Sister were NEVER Metal!

After the show we ran into James Hetfield who was with a guy named Ron Lafitte. Metallica had finished the Ride The Lightning U.S. Tour a week or so before. Some kids came up to James and asked for his autograph and we teased him about it afterwards. I think we asked him to sign our asses. Who knew that James really would become a Rock Star!? Pretty funny, innit?!

At the time Lafitte was Metallica's merch guy. He went on to become a big time music exec and managed Megadeth to multi-platinum success and also headed A&R for Capitol Records. Around 10 years later, Lafitte was being pitched a band by one of his people.. but he wasn't interested. He finally looked at the band's CD and saw my name listed in the "Thank You" part of the liner notes. He then gave them a listen because he recognized my name from the Old Metal Days. A true story. Kinda funny, innit?! Trivia: The band was Neurosis.

Epilogue: In the late-90's, Lafitte "discovered" Indie Rock darlings Spoon and signed them to Capitol.. However, as the story goes, he abandoned the band soon after their debut album for that label came out. In retaliation, Spoon recorded the songs "The Agony of Lafitte" and "Lafitte Don't Fail Me Now". Kinda funny, innit?!

Shoreline Amphitheater, Mt. View, CA - Sept. 16, 2000

Useless minutiae: (1) This was Maiden's first Bay Area show in 8 years, (2) After 6 years, Bruce Dickinson and Adrian Smith had rejoined Maiden, (3) After 15 years, I went to a Maiden concert. I was fully expecting it to be one of those sad nostalgic retro shows with an aging Maiden stumbling onstage. How wrong I was. Maiden stormed onstage and it was like no time had passed! I was as giddy as a little school girl and wasn't annoyed in the least when the 2 very drunk guys in front of me started going nuts during "Hallowed Be Thy Name".

Concord Pavilion, Concord, CA - Aug. 29, 2003

Maiden opened with "Number Of The Beast" complete with a huge lighted "666" flashing behind the stage. A teenager sitting behind us was dressed exactly like a circa-1982 Metalhead, complete with denim vest covered with Metal band patches and longish feathered hair. It was like he'd stepped out of a time machine. In the crowded Men's Room a guy took a piss in a garbage can and another guy waiting in line commented loudly "Dude in a Pantera shirt fucking pissing in the garbage can..." After the show, Big Wayne and I walked back to the car with the biggest smiles on our faces.

Okay... All of this brings y'all up to date with Umlaut and Iron Maiden.. which brings us to OzzFest.

I had only been to one OzzFest before.. I jetted down to San Bernardino for the very first one in 1996 (when it was limited to only 2 shows in Phoenix and San Bernardino)... Umlaut's old friends Neurosis opened the Main Stage.. Biohazard filmed a porn movie on their tour bus. Meanwhile, we hung out in the fancy Neurosis bus and drank Guinness from bottles, which was a LONG way from Gilman St.. Sharon Osbourne gave Neurosis a stack of free OzzFest shirts. Twas the first time I'd seen Slayer in years, but Sepultura ruled the day!! The Roots (Bloody Roots!) Tour and their final U.S. show with Max in the band. I saw Glenn Danzig backstage and he was shorter than me. We left just as Ozzy was going on.

OzzFest, Shoreline Amphitheater - Aug. 13, 2005

The good seats for this show were selling for up to $257 EACH on Ebay. Prior to the show, Timo and I had to combat some weird ticket energy, but we conquered it (TEAMWORK!). Also, for the first time in at least 20 years, Umlaut was at a concert with Rich and Steve Hellhound. The South Bay Maniacs rode again (some of us at least...)! I'd like to say that we raged like it was 1984 again, but we didn't.

On the way in, the biker chick security guard called me "Sweetie". Shoreline is one of those corporate amphitheaters that allows people to bring their own water bottle inside BUT they confiscate the cap at the gate (I assume to prevent the full bottle from being used as a projectile...). I was told years ago by some old Deadheads to "hide" an extra cap in my pocket in order to reseal the bottle and avoid buying the same bottle of H2O inside for $4. Works every time. Remember when concert security was more concerned about preventing M-80's from getting into shows instead of water bottle caps? Me too.

Meanwhile, guys selling bootleg OzzFest shirts had somehow smuggled in their wares and were selling them in the middle of the 2nd Stage crowd (Bootleg shirts = $10 vs. Official shirts = $35). Corporate Rock Rules!

Mastodon stomped the 2nd Stage.. and Brann's polka dot drum kit with Randy Rhoades on the bass drum was the geekiest thing I saw all day. For the Music Geeks: High On Fire stood stage right during the set and "Blood And Thunder" was dedicated to them. Awww.

Mastodon Stomping The 2nd Stage (Pic by Umlaut)

Unfortunately, we arrived too late to see Arch Enemy [click for link] since they went on at the very Un-Metal hour of 9:45am.. and I was still at home getting my morning coffee going at that point. I know: POSER.

"Best" Bad Tattoo: Jesus Christ superimposed over a swastika (nice concept but badly executed).

Best NOT Metal Moment: Three guys (one wearing a Slipknot shirt) playing hacky sack [click for link] during Killswitch Engage's 2nd Stage set.

Best Quote: Timo (during Killswitch Engage's 2nd Stage set) - "It's not a good sign when people are playing hacky sack during your set."

I like Rob Zombie's aesthetic but his set bored me after around 4 songs... but chicks dig him. Aside from "Dragula", the most entertaining part of his set was when they jammed on the James Gang's "Funk #49" and Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama" leading into songs.. But I did like how he and his band came onstage wearing matching Ninja masks.. and I do dig John 5's [click for link] guitar playing.

After the 2nd Stage finished we wandered around the concourse (aka The Mall) filled with vendors that you only used to see at Dead shows. One booth had a 2-For-1 sale on bongs. Steve Hellhound went to Purgatory for food but emerged unscathed. A kid dressed as a pirate (ARRGH MATEY!) attempted to conquer the Rock Climbing Wall (Metal??) and failed miserably.

The Main Stage started up and I must say that Black Label Society (BLS) and Mudvayne were two of the worst bands I've ever seen. Zakk Wylde of BLS reminded me of one of those guys in Guitar Center who wanks on a guitar thinking he's Randy Rhoades.. but I suppose BLS fills that much needed "Band Who Dresses Like A Biker Gang" aesthetic that is so lacking in music today. Mudvayne were.... oh just forget it.

Iron Maiden fucking stormed the place!! After the crap bands, Maiden crushed OzzFest as if they were Henry V at the Battle of Agincourt [click for link] (GEEK!).

The guitar tech at stage left was having WAY too much fun while he worked. In between tuning and switching out axes, he played air guitar and sang along to every song. Obviously a happy employee!

Just before Maiden stormed the Main Stage.. 12th Row, dude!
(BLURRY Pic by Umlaut)

The band > crowd energy level was smoking and it was especially cool to see the entire place go nuts during "Run To The Hills". Skychick will be shocked to learn that Umlaut sang along to every song.

As much as Umlaut listens to all kinds of music now, Maiden are a reality check to remind me that Old Metal will ALWAYS run in my veins. Whenever I'm at an event like this a voice in my head says "These are your people..." That Techno shit you listen to is gutless. Up The Irons!

In high school, while other kids listened to Zeppelin and The Beatles, I listened to Black Sabbath and dismissed those bands (I eventually "discovered" them in my 20's..). I was WAY into the Ronnie James Dio-era Sabbath tours (1980-82 and 1992) and even the Ian Gillan / Born Again Tour (1983 - GREAT!). I also had the misfortune of seeing the horrible 1995 Forbidden Tour.. Which was basically guitarist Tony Iommi solo, but it did feature the late Cozy Powell (R.I.P.) on drums.

Although the reformed Sabbath has been around (off and on) for the past 8 years, I'd only seen them on the debut reunion in 1997.. and I had felt that was enough.

I must admit that I was not excited about seeing Sabbath because of the recent reviews about Ozzy's failing health and dodgy performances. Plus, it's still weird to me that he's so mainstream now.

However, as Sabbath came onstage with "N.I.B." I was completely surprised. My head started banging involuntarily and I found myself singing all of the words (Skychick will be shocked to hear this..).

From where we were in the 12th row, Ozzy looked and sounded good.. Also, I can't believe that I'd taken Tony Iommi for granted in recent years. He sounded AMAZING. Riffs to make Christians squirm. I was also surprised how solid Bill Ward was since he was always the weak link before Ozzy's MTV celebrity and health issues... and of course Geezer is still the heavy foundation to it all, dog bless him.

As good as Sabbath were initially, Ozzy started to lose me as the set progressed.. First, Ozzy mooned the audience with his blindingly white ass... Then Ozzy stuck his head in a bucket of water.. Then, at 10:15pm, Ozzy threw buckets of water on the front row. The Dark Prince of Metal who I grew up with is now the Court Jester of Shenanigans.

My mind started to wander and I found myself more interested in figuring out how a guy in the row in front of us could still be throwing up after having spent the past 3 hours hurling chunks. I suppose it could be sublime seeing a guy wearing a Motörhead "Everything Louder Than Everything Else" shirt sitting in a puddle of his own vomit.. Then again maybe it was just gross. Thank Dog our seats weren't near that guy! He was like a Monty Python skit.

In stark contrast to Maiden's air guitar-playing crew guy, Sabbath's crew at stage left looked COMPLETELY bored. Their expressions would probably be the same if they were working a checkout line at WalMart. I guess that's why they call it "work".

I'll never grow tired of hearing "War Pigs" but, truth be told, how many more times do I really need to hear "Iron Man" and "Paranoid" again? Overplayed and overdone. Plus, Sabbath committed what I consider a cardinal sin for any Rock band: They played medleys of their songs.. They teased by launching into songs like "Symptom Of The Universe" and "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath" but, alas, they were only intros into other songs (i.e. "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath" > "Paranoid").

Timo and I bailed during "Paranoid".. As we walked back to the car, 2 tour buses with police motorcycle escort zoomed down the street past us. Ozzy has left the building!

Beer count = 2. Green Day shirts seen = 1. If you had bought one of every Maiden merch item you would have paid around $173. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. THE best shirt of the day was some kid who had taken a plain white t-shirt and wrote the names of his favorite bands on it with a permanent marker... and on the back he had written "Lars Ulrich Sucks".

The End.