I Gotta New Rose

Dead Men Walking with Jello Biafra / Barb Wire Dolls
Brick & Mortar, San Francisco
May 7, 2015

At the end of the night this was easily my favorite show of 2015 so far.. Yes, it was more fun than seeing Metallica for free with free food and alcohol.  Dead Men Walking were completely off my radar until literally 3 or 4 days prior to this show.  How can that happen in this Interwebs day of instant info!?   I quickly learned that Lemmy's rockabilly side band The Headcat was spawned with Slim Jim Phantom after his involvement with the Roots Rock / Rockabilly vibe of Dead Men Walking.  For the newbies (like Umlaut) here's a list of the revolving cast of musicians who have spent time performing in Dead Men Walking:

Slim Jim Phantom – Stray Cats
Captain Sensible – The Damned
Mike Peters – The Alarm
Chris Cheney – The Living End
Duff McKagan – Guns N’ Roses
Fred Armisen – Saturday Night Live / Portlandia
Kirk Brandon – Spear of Destiny
Glen Matlock – Sex Pistols
Pete Wylie – The Mighty Wah!
Billy Duffy – The Cult
Brian Setzer – Stray Cats
Lemmy – Motörhead
Topper Headon – The Clash
Bruce Watson – Big Country
Mick Jones – The Clash

Wow, right!?  Amazing.  Given the level of music history represented by the participants it's an interesting way for a band to exist in this day and age.  Tonight's version of Dead Men Walking was made up of Slim Jim, Captain Sensible, Mike Peters, Chris Cheney with a guest appearance by Jello Biafra.  I have seen all of the members in either their previous or current bands so I couldn't really picture them sharing the stage.  It was that sense of the unknown and the opportunity to see something inspired and new which made it easy for me to leave Casa de Umlaut for the show.

However, upon arriving at the venue I was stunned by how empty it was as there were literally only 6 or 7 other people in the room only minutes before Barb Wire Dolls were due to start... but it never gets old seeing Jello enter a show through the front door like any other civilian.  Thankfully once the night got started the room filled up to a respectable level.. but it was still not nearly as crowded as it should have been given the headliner.

I'll save time and simply say that Barb Wire Dolls started out of the gate good and the singer does her best to channel Wendy O. Williams... and they did hold my attention for a bit.. but then the songs got samey and the band really is very-L.A... so I'm sure they translate well down south.. but by the middle of their set I was deep in conversation at the bar with a Prohibition Ale.

I didn't know what to expect from Dead Men Walking since I knew so little about them...but once they strapped on their gear and got started I was totally into them.  No bullshit.  No pretenses... and all of the members were smiling from ear to ear the entire set.  It was obvious they were having a great time simply playing music together.

Chris Cheney.. Mike Peters..

 [Photo courtesy of Photo Ray]

The band's original songs are not throw away songs and I recognized most of them from the quick listens I'd given their new album via a pre-release stream.  The old man Music Geek in Umlaut is still resistant to listening to music like that... but the 21st Century Music Geek in Umlaut liked what he heard and will be buying the album.

The set was peppered with nods to the participants other bands and included a couple of songs that Peters did with The Alarm.. but sadly not '68 Guns'.  Honesty is my only excuse:  Umlaut liked The Alarm.. They were a grittier U2 but from Wales and I saw them in the 80's.  Slim Jim's old band got the nod with a great version of 'Rumble In Brighton' and Captain Sensible's legacy was trotted out with 'Smash It Up'.  The camaraderie between the current members of the band was obvious as Peters and Slim Jim told the story of how they first met in London in 1980.  It was the type of loose, F-U-N vibe that my life has been missing by only going to see dour Metal bands.  Nothing against Metal of course.. but I'm needing the variety now more than ever.

After a rip roaring main set, Jello Biafra swaggered onstage (introducing himself as Fred Armisen.. HAHA!) and watching him sing The Stray Cats 'Rock This Town' while swinging his hips was a complete revelation!  This was followed by a great version of the DK's 'Let's Lynch The Landlord' dedicated to all the renters in rent-crazy San Francisco and then a rip roaring 'I Fought The Law' (non-Dan White lyrics).. and then the F-U-N night closed with Jello and Captain Sensible sharing vocals on The Damned's 'New Rose'.  Fantastic!

Jello.. Captain Sensible.. Slim Jim..

[Photo courtesy of Photo Ray]

This show was the type of head cleaning live music experience that I sorely needed.  I didn't do a merch audit... I've really been spacing about remembering to do them.  On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced kids called me a fag. Full disclosure:  Umlaut will probably not be ranting about too many Metal shows in this space for the near future.  Even if I attend some my head has simply been hard pressed to think of anything I haven't already said before about the Metal shows.  We will see... but I can't imagine any Metal show being so positive and F-U-N like this was without spraying (fake) blood on folks.

"I gotta New Rose..."

Jello Pudding

Jello Biafra & the Guantanamo School of Medicine / Black Cobra / Pins Of Light
Thee Parkside, San Francisco
March 18, 2012

It was a cold night in San Francisco. It had also been 23 days since I last walked into a building to see a band play live. To be honest I don't feel like I missed anything; it was a good break. I don't go to Thee Parkside very often these days, but it was the perfect venue to visit after watching the season finale of The Walking Dead before I left Casa de Umlaut. Soon after entering Thee Parkside I was reminded that it just might be my favorite local venue, especially since there were a good number of familiar faces in attendance.

Pins Of Light were GREAT! I had heard good things about Pins and their debut album comes out on Alternative Tentacles this week (!). I’m happy to report I have a new favorite local band. Pins are not one of those bands who simply hop onstage and play. When Pins took the stage their energy detonated like a Punk neutron bomb. Unfortunately, I don't know the band members names; I guess it is Punk Rock to only list your first names online and not say who is who in the band... Anyway, Pins is anchored by a solid drummer (who I was told is a recent new member) and their bassist vocalist who holds the shit down. This pillar of volume is framed by two excellent guitarists, one of whom bounced around the stage like the second coming of Rick Nielsen. A great live band with songs to back it up and you also knew it was a good set when the bassist vocalist was standing in a puddle of spilled beer for the last couple of songs. If anybody who knows Pins is reading this please shoot me a message and tell me who is who in the band. Thanks... and the Pins Of Light record release show is on the 30th of this month in S.F. over at The Hemlock. Awesome.

Black Cobra were just back from playing at South By Southwest 2012 and this was the last show before their upcoming European and U.S. Tours with Corrosion Of Conformity in April and June. In between that they'll be with Fu Manchu in Australia and New Zealand in May. In recent years Black Cobra have become classic Road Dogs and all of their hard work is really paying off; tonight was the best Black Cobra hometown set that I’ve seen yet.

If you're lucky, there comes a time when you’ve followed a band long enough that they move to another level with their talent. When that happens it's an epipany of the highest order... and that happened to me tonight with Black Cobra. I’ve seen most of the band’s San Francisco shows since their first one in 2006... and tonight I’m proud to say my boys Jason and Rafa moved to that next level in my head. The epiphany hit me as the monolithic groove of the song 'Chronomega' enveloped Thee Parkside. I looked around and the entire room seemed to be either banging their heads or participating in the pit action at the front. It was magical because I remember a time not too long ago when an audience would stand still with their arms crossed while Black Cobra played. It helps that Jason has fully embraced his inner Nugent and become the front man he was meant to be and that Rafa has developed into an unholy hybrid of Buddy Rich and Philthy Animal Taylor on drums. At one point I literally said "Holy fuck..." after a song because the performance was so brutalicious; Photo Ray can confirm this.

As the dust settled we walked out to the patio and I saw a tall guy with glasses coming towards me and I said out loud "Brian Posehn?".... and BRIAN POSEHN said "Hey, how's it going!", shook my hand, and kept walking inside. What the fuck was Brian Posehn doing at Thee Parkside?? Ohhh, I guess he had a comedy gig across town. It was cool that he ducked out to see a local show while in town, right?

Posehn

Anyway, after that very brief celebrity encounter, for some reason I was hungry and I ordered food from Thee Parkside's great kitchen on the patio. As I sat down at a bench with friends to quickly eat, Jello breezed past us wearing a goofy Victorian-era style long coat thing and left the building via the patio entrance. I predicted he was just going around to the front of the club to make his entrance for his set... and then not a minute later the music started inside. Jello is funny... and with that being said I watched 3 songs, Jello and the band sounded good, but I was tired and had to be up early for the Monday work day. I ducked out into the night, back to Casa de Umlaut, and was in bed by around midnight. I'm sure Jello and his band did a couple of Dead Kennedy's songs.. but that's alright.

If you bought one of every Black Cobra merch item you would have paid around $106. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag. I know I've taken Jello for granted more times than I've appreciated him. Trivia: Evidently the basic ingredients of Jell-O are:

• gelatin
• water
• sugar
• artificial flavors
• artificial coloring

Size Doesn't Matter

Alternative Tentacles 30th Anniversary Incest-A-Thon
Featuring Jello Biafra & The Guantanamo School of Medicine / Ludicra / Munly & the Lupercalians
Great American Music Hall, San Francisco
November 6, 2009



This was Night #2 of Alternative Tentacles' 3-Night 30th Anniversary celebration with each night featuring Jello as headliner with his most recent band (The Guantanamo School Of Medicine) supported by different AT bands. I would love to have seen Alice Donut and Victim's Family on the final night, but since Umlaut had to choose I of course got a ticket to the night when the mighty Ludicra were on the bill.

However, for the 3rd gig in a row the attendance at this show was shockingly small; as with Rob Zombie and Puscifer *something* kept the crowds away... and in the case of tonight I would bet that *something* was there was simply too much going on in San Francisco, with a packed Dinosaur Jr. show across town at The Fillmore and a sold out Devo show only a couple of blocks away at The Regency. However, whereas the small crowds at the Zombie and Puscifer shows had been a negative distraction to me, it was the complete opposite for Jello's party. The small crowd actually added to the positive, special quality of the night... and this was quite simply THE MOST FUN show of the year!! No shit.

We arrived in time to see the awkwardly named Munly & the Lupercalians and I felt a bit dubious about them as they walked onstage because they looked bizarre: 5 members... 4 of them wearing hoods... 2 of the members (the percussionists) wore execution style hoods with nooses around their necks... The main percussionist played a MEAT SMOKER as a drum... Another 2 members, who were stationed on either side of the stage behind impressive vintage wooden organ shells that had new electronic keyboards installed in them, wore black robes and impressive peaked hoods. Only the vocalist appeared without a costume as he sang and alternately played guitar and banjo. To be honest, after my reaction to the self-indulgent Puscifer production the other night, I was bracing myself to be underwhelmed by Munly & the Lupercalians.

To my complete surprise, they were GREAT!! Their set was the most purely musical performance I've seen all year; a hypnotic combination of Folk, Country, and even some Goth with the costumes actually adding to the dense atmosphere of the songs. It was like taking a ride down a dark road at night with only one headlight working and the AM radio stuck on the same station.. I was completely caught up in their tales and vibe... as was Jello, who stood front and center their entire set. Afterwards I went straight to the merch table to buy their CD... only to be told they haven't released one yet! However the band's leader, Munly, has released 4 albums on AT over the past decade... so I guess I better play catch up with his work now... and, much to my surprise, Munly and his band were the perfect lead-in to the all out dark volume assault of Ludicra.

It had been just over 2 months since I last saw Ludicra and in that time they've completed work on their highly anticipated new album. The stage lights were dimmed for the entire set and the local Metal heroes played an amazingly brutal 5 song / 45 minute slot that included 3 of the new tracks.. This was a performance that I can't fully describe using mere words... Ludicra are such a well-oiled force of nature onstage that it's beyond comprehension why they're not more well known outside of the Bay Area... At least 3x after a song I said "AMAZING!" out loud to no one in particular; it was easily one of the best sets I've seen all year. As she handed me the setlist afterwards, Laurie explained that the new songs were referred to in "numbered code". Hmm... METAL.

Within the limitations of the English language, the only thing that comes close to expressing how I felt about Ludicra's set is "FUCKING LUDICRA!!!"... The Bay Area has one of the most vibrant underground Metal scenes in the world and Ludicra are the headliners, but it was funny that aside from the band there were only 5-6 other card carrying Metalheads in the crowd.

As I said earlier, this show was not crowded at all... However, it didn't make the event "sad". It simply didn't matter how many people were in the room, because everyone was there for the right reason: FOR THE MUSIC... you could sense it.. well at least I could.

When Jello took the stage to host his party you could tell he had the same attitude... and the set that followed was every bit as great as his 50th Birthday Celebration had been in this same room last year. I can't remember the last time I was right up front for a show, but there I was and it was damn FUN.. Jello weaved, bobbed, and mugged his way around the stage as he and the band (led by Victim's Family guitar ace Ralph Spight on ripping lead axe..) ran through some great and inspired new songs and also some Dead Kennedys nuggets like 'Bleed For Me' (which featured Jello in the crowd), 'California Über Alles', and 'Holiday In Cambodia'.

Jello in the crowd during 'Bleed For Me'
(Pic by Photo Ray)

This show transported Umlaut back to my formative years when it didn't matter how many people were in whatever club or dive bar I found myself in seeing a band ... All that mattered is that we were all there for the same reason and we (both the crowd AND the bands) let ourselves get caught up in the vibe and the volume. If it had been a different show I might have regretted not going to one of the other gigs in town... but I regretted NOTHING on this night and I know the members of the Umlaut Nation who were with me felt the same way (a shout out to Timo, Johnny, Photo Ray, and Tscam)! It was cool to look around at friends and strangers and we were all grinning from ear to ear and having a blast.

On one hand it was a shame that this quintessential "only in San Francisco" event was overshadowed attendance-wise by out of town touring bands. However, in this case size simply didn't matter. The spirit of the S.F. Music Scene, past and present, was alive and well in the Great American and it was a joyous and raucous thing.. It also reminded me how much I love my hometown and how fortunate I was to have grown up and become a Music Geek in The Bay Area.

I didn't do a merch audit, but AT was selling vinyl albums for only $10 a pop! Old Skool! On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. I'm still a little buzzed from the FUN of this show.. and instead of going out tonight I think I'm going to stay in and finally watch Milk... San Francisco Über Alles!

Meshuggah

Meshuggah / Cynic
Slim's, San Francisco, CA
February 4, 2009

I rolled into Slim's too late to see the first band (sorry to The Faceless), but unfortunately I got there in time to see Cynic. THIS is what kids call Metal today?? They're basically a nerdy Jazz Fusion band with a bushy haired guitarist who adds Metal cookie monster vocals every once in awhile. Note to Cynic: When you play "Metal" it should be "Heavy", hence the term "Heavy Metal". I was pissed because I could have stayed on my couch at Casa de Umlaut an hour longer and watched something else in Hi-Def. SO MANY things irritated me about Cynic.. but I'll let it go.

Anyway, as Meshuggah set up I was preparing my rant about Cynic in my head, but when Meshuggah hit the stage at around 10:30PM the lameness was forgotten. Halfway through the set I thought to myself that 25 years ago I could not have imagined a band as heavy as these Swedes. Holy fuck... "Wall of sound" is an understatement when it's built by Swedes wielding twin 8-string guitars, a 5-string bass, AND one of the best drummers in Metal. Who can defend against such firepower?? Not me, man. Not me. The band's power is relentless... but beautiful.

Ray and I stood next to Jello Biafra for pretty much the entire set, which was nice since Marten was wearing a DK's shirt onstage. If I had a hundred dollar bill for every time I've stood next to Jello at a show I could, like, buy every Blu-Ray disc I want... Just prior to the band going on, I noticed Jello slip downstairs to the dressing room; I think it's safe to say that a certain Swedish Rock Star met his hero in San Francisco. Awww..

Scorecard: According to the Umlaut Archives, this was my 58th visit to Slim's dating back to 1988. Yes, I keep score... it's on an Excel spreadsheet... I think it's about 90% accurate documenting every concert I've attended since losing my gig cherry in 1978. The Geeks shall inherit The Earth.

Thanks to Joel and Loana for getting me sorted on The List.

I didn't do a merch audit, but "Meshuggah" means "crazy" in Yiddish. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag. Earlier in the day, Lux Interior passed away and as I walked down Harrison Street towards my car, a dude wearing a leather miniskirt and high heels passed me walking in the other direction. Respect.

Footnote: The next morning Umlaut was late for a breakfast meeting... As I zoomed through the streets of San Francisco, Meshuggah was blasting in the car and my driving went right along with the music; I ran a red light and did not adhere to proper stop sign etiquette a couple of times. Note to self: Do not listen to Meshuggah if you are late for an appointment.

Biafra Five-O

Jello Biafra / The Melvins / Drunk Injuns / Los Olvidados
Great American Music Hall, San Francisco
June 16, 2008



This was the first night of a two night stand to celebrate Jello's 50th Birthday... Twas also a classic "only in San Francisco" show... It was also a classic example of how Umlaut sometimes feels schizophrenic when it comes to his Music Geek side; just the other day I was ranting and raving about Robert Plant & Alison Krauss. Now I have to report that I had the same level of reaction (images, really... feelings) to this performance. I guess it just reinforces that quote attributed to Louis Armstrong: "There are only two types of music.. Good and Bad." Discuss amongst yourselves.

The Umlaut Nation was out in force with Timo, Teri, Johnny, Any, and Raymond watching my back. It's a good thing too because I cannot remember the last time I was so TIRED at a show; I was still trying to shake off my stint in the EST last week.. Man, there were a couple of times when I thought I was gonna fall asleep and plant my face on the lovely wooden floor of the GAMH... but I sucked it up.

It's been years since I've seen the GAMH floor open up into a pit as big as the one started early in the evening.. Remember Jesus Lizard at the GAMH? Me too... Umlaut is old.... BUT it was reassuring being at a show where most of the crowd was around my age... AND it was cool to see THE KIDS at the show.. and I mean KIDS... like no older than 8-years old sitting on the shoulders of their cool parents. Those kids are gonna be alright.

You know how life takes twists and turns.. Back in the xeroxed Umlaut 'zine days, the Melvins were basically Umlaut's official band... I was absolutely fanatical about them and followed them all over this great land of our's... But things happened and things changed (I don't mean that in a good or a bad way... things just changed...)... Fast forward to the 21st Century and it's been 9 years (!) since I last saw the band live. Wow.. Time flies when, etc. etc.

In typical goofy, but inspired, fashion the Melvins opened the evening by playing in (sort of) a recreation of their original 1983 Punk lineup featuring Buzz on guitar, Dale on bass (in lieu of Matt "Mudhoney" Lukin), and original drummer Mike Dillard... with a set featuring songs from their Mangled Demos including the classic 'Set Me Straight'. Unique... Fun... All of the above.

Hot on the heels of that, Los Olvidados and Drunk Injuns delivered nice old school style Punk sets... and while Drunk Injuns had the advantage of wearing cool masks onstage, I have to say I liked Los Olvidados a bit more 'cause they closed their set with a cover of the Dead Boys' 'What Love Is' which is, like, one of Umlaut's fave songs... Trivia: Los Olvidados and Drunk Injuns have the same members.

Back in The Day when Umlaut was a xeroxed 'zine, Jello was Umlaut's stalker for a month... Click HERE to relive those magical times. Umlaut also obtained a definitive interview with Jello back then as well:

From Umlaut Issue 10 - Fall 1994

Prior to her son taking the stage, it was announced that Jello's mom had flown in from Colorado and was sitting in the balcony. Awww..... Jello finally took the stage with his new band, The Axis of Evildoers, featuring local boys Billy Gould (Faith No More) on bass, Ralph Spight (Victim's Family) on guitar, and Jon Weiss (Sharkbait) on drums. Jello was a ball of furious 50-year old energy and I'm sure his mom was proud. After running through 40 minutes of new songs, the new band gave way to the Melvins and special guest guitarist Adam Jones from Tool (!).

Jello really hit his 50-year old stride with the Melvins set and it was great to see him getting into his onstage fury as the set progressed. Somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure they opened with 'Plethysmograph' and played most of the other songs off the Never Breath What You Can't See and Sieg Howdy albums, including my commute theme song 'Yuppie Cadillac'.. I have to admit that after 9 years it was good to see Dale and Buzz live again.. They're still the Dynamic Duo of Volume.

The updated version of 'California Über Alles' really got the floor going... as did the rip-roaring 'Holiday In Cambodia' that closed out the festivities... and I'm sure 'Holiday' will be remembered as one of Umlaut's musical highlights of 2008... As soon as the intro started EVERYONE in the room knew what was coming, so when the song kicked in, the entire room went OFF. It was beautiful.. It's the MUSIC, man... It's the fucking MUSIC. "Pol Pot... Pol Pot... Pol Pot..."

Maybe someday Hayne will write about her experience of being Jello's chauffeur for a night back in The Day (hint hint)... but until then I won't harsh the overall respect the guy has... As I commented earlier, this was an "only in San Francisco" event and it lived up to that. I'm thankful that the S.F. Bay Area is where I was born and raised and where I grew up to be a Music Geek. He may be San Francisco's version of Bono, but Dog bless Jello Biafra.... goddamit.

Number of Necros shirts = 1. I didn't do a merch audit because there was WAY too much stuff for sale; the merch table was like an Alternative Tentacles garage sale... BUT t-shirts and CDs were only 10 bucks! I bought one of each. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. At $22 for 4 hours of entertainment we were all abuzz afterwards over what good value for money the evening had been... It's nice to find a bargain in these hard economic times... cue Noam Chomsky... or Jello... definitely not Rollins.

Click HERE to see Raymond's pics from the event!

Pull My Strings: 2008 Remix

"I ain't no artist, I'm a business man. No ideas of my own.." - The DK's

San Francisco Protest - 1980

Hong Kong Fashion - 2008

Jello is probably rolling in his grave...... Irony is dead.

On The Way Back To The Car: 1992-95

For those readers who weren't there, what follows is a selection of gig reviews that originally appeared in the Old School xeroxed Umlaut.

This post is dedicated to Jason Knuth, who was Umlaut's Kinko's Konnection Extraordinaire (Me: "How much do I owe for these copies?" Jason: "Don't worry about it..."). Sonic Knuth 4-Ever.

From Issue #1 (The debut Umlaut review...)
Metallica - Arco Arena, Sacramento - 1/11/92
We were supposed to be on the guest list. We weren't. We were pissed. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. We drove 300+ miles, halfway across the fuckin' state for nothing. Metallica probably cleared $200,000 that night. Corporate rock sucks.

From Issue #3
Neurosis - Brave New World, S.F. - 2/10/92
I stood behind Jello Biafra and he made out with his girlfriend for most of the show. It was like being at a Judas Priest concert at the Cow Palace with some slobbering guy and his bimbo girlfriend getting in your face. Get a room, pal! On the way back to the car some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. Neurosis didn't sell shirts, but the club did have PacMan.

From Issue #3
Dick Dale - Slim's, S.F. - 2/21/92
"I go through so many picks because I grind them so hard when I play they melt." - Dick Dale. I stood behind Jello Biafra again, this time in the merchandise line. I only wanted to get on the mailing list. On the way back to the car some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. Jello got on the mailing list too.

From Issue #4
Public Enemy - Warfield Theater, S.F. - 3/3/92
For the third time in a month I stood behind Jello Biafra at a concert. He put Chapstick on before P.E. came out. On the way back to the car some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. Lotza white folks, but they don't bother me none.

From Issue #6
Sonic Youth / Pavement - Warfield Theater, S.F. - 9/24/92
Hmmm. Things are blurry 'cause I'm writing this a couple of weeks after the show. On the way back to the car, some hazy and indistinct pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. I seem to remember riding to the show in the back of a pickup truck.

From Issue #7
Uncle Tupelo / Stimmies - Slim's, S.F. - 2/22/93
Red neck rawk! I felt compelled to drink Budweiser and ride in a pickup, but had to settle for 20 Tank's dark and a Festiva. On the way back to the car some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. Stimmies won cute drummer points, but Uncle Tupelo could take 'em in a bar fight.

From Issue #8
Nirvana / L7 / Disposable Heroes of Hiphopcrisy / The Breeders - Cow Palace, S.F. - 4/9/93
Joey and I watched a guy wearing a Metallica shirt play hackey-sack with a guy wearing a Slayer shirt: Clash of the Titans! Why do people play hackey-sack at arena shows but not at club shows??? On the way back to the car some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. Kurt Cobain dived from the top of his amps into the drum kit and Joey and I whooped like we were at a rodeo.

From Issue #8
Helmet / Jesus Lizard - Warfield Theater, S.F. - 4/30/93
Helmet onstage is about as exciting as watching mannequins lip sync. However, I highly recommend seeing Jesus Lizard stoned on pot brownies! On the way back to the car some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. I hit them with my purse and screamed "I am not! I'm a lady!" If Helmet had long hair they wouldn't be such bores. Ditch the gel and RAWK OUT!

From Issue #8
Fugazi - Pier 3, S.F. - 5/1/93
DIY is fine 'n dandy, but when the PA sounds like an AM radio and the venue is a cavernous warehouse, and the atmosphere is zero because the lights are kept on the entire show, and there is NO ALCOHOL (Fuck Straight Edge!), I'll take Corporate Rock any day, thank you very much! On the way back to the car some pimply-faced punks called us fags. I gave 'em baths and combed their hair. Still, it was only $6.00.

From Issue #11
L7 / Chokebore / Acid King - Slim's, S.F. - 12/21/94
The underage boys were out in force to stare doe-eyed at Lori Acid King. A 'lil punker passed out during The King's set. Obviously he couldn't handle the RAWK! Another mohawked tike had Anarchy embroidered on his jacket - Fuck that Hippie Shit! Alcohol consumption = 3 quality beers (2 free!). Backstage score = a bottle of Evian and a glimpse of Joey Acid King's hairy chest. On the way back to the car some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. I chewed 3 sticks of gum and after the show Santa walked out of the Men's Room (It's true!).

From Issue #11
White Zombie / Babes In Toyland / Melvins - Event Center, San Jose - 6/28/95
I got off work early and drove down to San Jose. Big Wayne and I stopped to get a slice of pizza and then dodged commute traffic to get to downtown San Jose. We parked 2 blocks away from the arena. I was wearing a Black Sabbath shirt. During the walk we passed a couple of rocker guys and I heard one of them say "I'm going to kill that guy wearing the Black Sabbath shirt." We got to the Will Call window and had to stand behind radio station / music biz-types. My name wasn't on the guest list. Big Wayne and I went and got coffee. Then we went to a couple of used record stores. I bought the following albums for .99 cents each: Raging Slab, Pat Travers, Saxon, Molly Hatchet, and an old Echo & the Bunnymen EP. On the way back to the car some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. Then I drove home.