Chinese Democracy

Guns 'N Roses
AT&T Park, San Francisco
August 9, 2016

One thing led to another and Umlaut found himself with a last minute ticket to this self-proclaimed "Tour Of The Year" a mere 3 hours before start time.  I was not a big Guns 'N Roses fan back in The Day.  Obviously their debut album deserves a place in record collections, and they did torch away the hairspray from L.A. Hair Metal, but after massive success hit they became just another out of touch band to dislike.  Axl jumping off an oil tanker to swim with dolphins in that music video that cost $4 MILLION to make summed it all up.


The most ridiculous Rock music video ever.

Since getting to this show was so easy and it included free parking I put history aside and made it to AT&T Park with enough time to watch the Giants road game from Miami on a television in the Club Level while the opening band called The Struts (who?) did their best to warm up the San Francisco evening.  Ironically I ran into some of the same friends who I would also see at a Slayer show.  Discuss amongst yourselves.  The last time I saw GNR was at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena during the Summer of 1992 when the "support" bands Metallica and Motörhead wiped the stage with them.  My 1992 self asked "What the fuck are you doing here!?"

Dude / Dad: "Where's the escalator?"
Chick / Mom: "I thought we were VIP."
Me: (forehead slap)

Despite the 20+ year old reputation for arriving onstage late, GNR and Axl actually went onstage early tonight.  This must have pissed off the thousands of fans who were still trying to enter the stadium.  For Umlaut it was only annoying as I stood in a bar line as the first song 'It's So Easy' rumbled out of the PA on the field.  The woman behind me in line said "That sounds like them.." and when I confirmed that it was "them" she said "Oh well... I'm not going to rush.. I'm not 20 anymore!"  It should be noted that this Tuesday evening was definitely a Mom & Dad date night and the most un-Rock crowd I've been around at a "Rock" concert in ages.

For all of the hype over this "reunion" tour, and the rationalized modern mathematics that 3 of 5 original band members equals a "reunion", tonight's show was not completely sold out.  It was full to be sure, but I didn't encounter any long lines for anything compared to Metallica in this same venue earlier this year.  Not that I was complaining at all of course, but can we all agree that having reserved seating on the floor for a stadium concert is the worst thing to happen to concerts maybe ever.  Reserved seating killed the arena and stadium concert experience and made it "safe".  Thank dog for Slayer shows.

Surprisingly, I have to admit that Guns 'N Roses were not awful here in 2016.. but I also admit my standards are much lower than they were in 1992.  It's obvious that Axl is in shape again and consistently sounded like "Axl" during the set.. but I didn't see him shimmy once.


"One gourmet CHEEEESE tray.."

For old times sake, Axl broke out the white leather jacket; I wonder if it has its own bus on this tour.  Duff still does the bass player swagger thing better than most.  Slash carries the band by being a solid guitar god type dude onstage.  I have no idea who the other band members are on this "reunion" tour.  Don't talk to the hired help.. No, don't even look at them.

Anyway, I think it's safe to assume that the songs I didn't know were off that Chinese Democracy album.  'Rocket Queen' would be the song I liked the most tonight, but 'Live and Let Die' reminded me how much I hated GNR in 1992.  At one point during their set I traded texts with the guy who so eloquently read their concert rider on camera back in that Summer of '92.  The screams of all the Moms losing their shit as Slash played the intro to 'Sweet Child 'O Mine' was a bit unsettling.  No mosh pits opened up on the floor during 'Out Ta Get Me' which was disappointing. I hope the people who left early during the set closing 'Night Train' were leaving to score smack.  The show closing and final encore 'Paradise City' was good in that "kidz getting crushed to death at Donington '88" way.  The biggest let down of the night was that Slash did not stand on Axl's piano during his solo in 'November Rain'.

Kudos to GNR for having a Dirty Harry themed event t-shirt for San Francisco tonight.  On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag.  The bottom line was I had fun tonight and it was an easy gig for Umlaut to attend.  It was better than spending a Tuesday night on the couch, right?  However, my main thought as I left the stadium was that as Guns 'N Roses were onstage their hometown Dodgers had won their game to move into a tie with the Giants for 1st place in the NL West. Irony is a dish best served cold.

Fuck the Dodgers.

Home Field Advantage

Metallica
AT&T Park, San Francisco, California
February 6, 2016

I know.. I know.. It's been almost 2 weeks since this show.. but better late than never.  Long story short since this is old news:  There were some who thought Metallica should have played the clusterfuck that is the Super Bowl halftime show since it was being hosted here in The Bay Area.  Yada yada...It didn't happen and instead they were booked into playing their own show at AT&T Park as part of the festivities surrounding the game.  It would be Metallica's first proper non-festival, non-fan club only, non-corporate event headlining show on their Bay Area home turf in 7 years.

The show sold out in 28 minutes.

Fast forward:  The band did their soundcheck the night before the show in front of around 300 friends and fan club members.  I've seen a couple of Metallica tour rehearsals in years past but it was interesting to attend this; Umlaut tends to geek out on the production side of concerts in his old age.  Obviously it was pretty cool to see a glimpse of the "nuts and bolts" side of a huge Lock 'N Loll show so intimately without thousands of drunk fans falling into me.  I arrived at the designated time and, long story short, found myself inside the stadium ahead of most of the guests.. which really didn't matter.. but it was still a nice experience.

The band ran through around an hour or so of songs here and there, but it was really about them working out stage cues and other entertainment details of the show.   Trivial: AT&T Park is only 2 miles from where the teenage me took the following photo back in the last century:

The Stone, San Francisco - March 5, 1983
[Photo by the teenage Umlaut - From the Umlaut Archives]

Every now and then I still trip out on how far Metallica have come from that homemade plywood drum riser.  Crazy, right?   Anyway, probably my favorite moment of the entire weekend was finding myself alone as the only non-crew person in The Snakepit directly in front of the stage as the sound was checked:

Umlaut View of the Stage

Stage View of Umlaut
[This photo courtesy of Jeff Yeager / Metallica.com]

How this happened I kind of have no idea.. but it was special.. and also kind of awkward when I made eye contact with the various members of the band as they made there way around the pit's ramp.  Cue 'One'.   This also happened:

Is it baseball yet?!

The next day was the big Rock Show and the area around AT&T was buzzing and crowded like a Giants game day on steroids.  As I approached the stadium it was surreal seeing thousands of people wearing Metallica t-shirts on the streets with thousands of people wearing various NFL team jerseys and gear.  It made me realize that San Francisco was literally the center of the professional sports world at that moment.  It's too bad the Niners suck so bad these days.

Anyway, long story short since this show is old news at this point, the evening for me was like a high school reunion as I saw friends old and new from near and far.  One thing led to another and I found myself in the deepest bowels of the stadium in the dressing room area... where there was a really amazing art piece on display that was a gift to the band from the promoter:

... but, aside from grabbing some cold water bottles from a 'fridge and some snack items from the catering table, this is pretty much as exciting as backstage got:

However, one exciting moment did happen when a trio of SFPD officers with a BOMB SNIFFING DOG entered the dressing room area to make sure our homeland security was secure.  After some tense moments of "searching" all they found was Sammy Hagar.. who posed for selfies with them and the dog.  Thank you for your service.

Fast forward:  One thing led to another (again) and I found myself back in The Snakepit in front of the stage.  This time there were around 300 other folks with me while another 45,000 or so packed the stadium behind and on either side of us.  Obviously, unlike the night before, I was not alone but it was once again special as I was standing with a half dozen or so old friends this time.  My favorite moment of a Metallica show is when the houselights go off after a traditional old school song from our salad days is played over the PA (that song tonight was 'The Boys Are Back In Town') and they start 'The Ecstasy Of Gold' intro tape accompanied by The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly footage on the screens.  The fact that they've used this same intro tape since literally Day One back in the clubs at their first shows still gets me emotional.  Tradition, man..  Then they stormed onstage with 'Creeping Death' and for the next 2 1/2 hours Metallica owned San Francisco lock, stock, and barrel as hometown heroes should.

Long story short since this show is old news at this point (you can read legit media outlet reviews about the show on The Internets.. Google it..), but my favorite song of the show was the first encore of 'Whiskey In The Jar' dedicated to Cliff that featured Kirk playing the iconic Greenie Les Paul onstage.

So cool... and the other highlight for Umlaut were the heartfelt things each band member said to the hometown crowd after the final encore ("I was born 5 miles from here!" - KRK).  I think it was smoke from the fireworks or something in my eyes... Home cooking always rules, man.

If you bought one of every Metallica merch item you would have spent around $500.  On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced football fans called me a fag.. but before I returned to the car this happened:   One thing led to another (again) and I found myself at the After Show party not far from the stadium at a restaurant called Tres with a couple of hundred other folks who had the required wristband.   The atmosphere was extremely bubbly given the open taco and alcohol bars and it was a nice way to end the weekend with the old friends in attendance.  Yes, band members were there but THE Rock Star moment of the weekend happened when my San Francisco Giants fanboy brothers and I worked up the courage to approach Larry Baer.

For the newbies:  Without Mr. Baer there would be not be an AT&T Park, 3 championships in 5 years, etc. etc. He is also a born and bred San Franciscan who knows all about and appreciates local roots.  The best part was being about to thank him for everything he's done... and despite our initial nervousness, Larry could not have been cooler!  He even said "I like your shirt.." when he noticed my bootleg Giants Misfits tee. He even adjusted his Giants World Series ring to make sure it showed in the photo.  

Honesty is my only excuse:  I care more about baseball than I do about Metal at this point in my life.   Is it baseball yet?!  This year's annual Metallica Night at the San Francisco Giants game is May 6th... and it cannot come soon enough.  Hit 'Em All!

Not Slayer

Beyonce & Jay Z
AT&T Park, San Francisco
August 6, 2014

Sometimes Umlaut finds himself in places where he's completely out of his element.  Anyway, one thing led to another and I found myself at AT&T Park, not for a Giants game, but for the final U.S. show of the On The Run Tour featuring the world's favorite celebrity power couple.  The only other times I've seen shows at this stadium were Green Day and the Rolling Stones / Metallica which were both in 2005.

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words... so here are several thousands words about my experience on the run with Beyonce and Jay Z:

"All Access" 

Catering

"PYRO"

After show escape Escalades

Prior to the show I spent some quality time in Catering with a couple of old school crew friends listening to their war stories about being on the road with AC/DC.  Unfortunately, the only other people in the room were roadies and stage dancers; no sign of the night's stars of course.  I also took advantage of the magic paper All Access wristband and, after 14 years of coming to AT&T Park, I finally saw the stadium's fancy luxury suites that are reserved for important people like Google (who have their own suite).  Interesting.  However, I kept my professional hat on and did not try to scam any free food from a suite.  Regrets.

 The Luxury Suite view of the civilians

What?  Oh right.. THE SHOW.   So I found myself in a seat 27 rows from the stage.  The Royal Couple came onstage and the entire stadium went nuts and I felt completely out of my element.  By the time the dynamic duo were into their 4th song I was down the street at 21st Amendment enjoying excellent food and a good beer.   After this pit stop I made my way back to the stadium, flashed the paper wristband, and watched more of the spectacle.  

 Row 27 pre-show

Row 27 panoramic during show

The sound mix was all bottom end so it should have been no surprise that there were noise complaints all over San Francisco during the shows.  I did not see any band onstage but evidently there was one "somewhere".  Evidently.  Umlaut didn't know one song the entire time he was there... However, at one point while in Row 27 I turned around and watched the rest of the stadium from the floor all the way up to the upper View Reserve seats go bat shit crazy for the Royal Couple.  It was not my scene, man... at all.

If you bought one of every Beyonce merch item you would have paid around $620.  On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag... which I was since I had just went to see Beyonce and Jay Z.   All in all it was a night of easy adventure into a world that is not mine.  Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.  SLAAAYEER!