Baseball Über Alles

Since today is Opening Day of the 2017 Major League Baseball season...

After 13 years I'm struggling "creatively" to keep up with this space.  No, I'm not going to stop being Umlaut and I will continue to post here as the mood or opportunities strike me.  However, in order to keep things fun and interesting for myself I've now started to "blog" about baseball on a new site started by an old merch industry buddy.  It's called Baseball Über Alles!

A couple of things I've posted so far are:

• A Visit To The Mound: Dale Crover of the Melvins
• Strike Of The Beast
• Chin Music 
• Take Me Out To The Hell Game: Athenar of Midnight

Anyway, check it out if you're interested and especially if you dig baseball!  There's also an awesome Baseball Über Alles logo t-shirt available for a mere $20 via the store link on the site.  The logo concept was mine but my old merch buddy was the one who executed the great artwork.

Again, I will continue to post in this space now and then... so stay tuned.  I do have a couple of things planned when the time is right... and rants about gigs too.  In the meantime,  PLAY BALL!

 Full circle:  1987 to 2017

Night Goat

Melvins
Great American Music Hall, San Francisco
October 21, 2014

It's an interesting time (again) to be a Melvins fan.  Earlier this year Buzz embarked on a solo trek that was an epiphany for this longtime fan.  Now the band (aka Dale and Buzz), who are the masters of fucking with expectations and completely fluid at reinventing themselves, have joined forces with Pinkus and Leary of the Butthole Surfers for a new album.  Inspired!  Old School!  Not only that but the current Melvins tour has them back onstage as a power trio with Dale and Buzz being joined by Pinkus on bass.  I've been following the Melvins for almost 25 years now and they're the only band who I completely accept whatever they're doing and enjoy it.  I do this without any grain of salt or any rationalizing; they are the only band I don't nitpick about... and I can't say that about any of my other favorite bands. 

Backstage prior to their set I had a sportsmanlike conversation with hardcore Dodgers fan Dale about baseball.  It's cute how 2014 Dodgers fans clutch to the straws about how they won the Western Division... but, I must remind them, it's the Giants who stabbed and slashed their way into the World Series... to which they counter that the Giants are merely a "Wild Card" team... to which I say they don't fully understand 21st Century baseball since getting to the World Series meant the Giants had to win cage match-style games when they counted in THREE do-or-die confrontations with THREE of the leagues other best teams... including the Nationals who had the best regular season record in the MLB and the Cardinals who pretty much humiliated the Dodgers in the NLDS.  What?  Oh right... I guess I should go back to ranting about the Rock Show and not Jocks.  Sorry..  

"SOLD OUT!" said the sign at Will Call and it warmed my heart that the Melvins can still pull in a full but diverse house of followers.  However, it was kind of interesting that the front row tonight was noticeably female dominated.  Discuss amongst yourselves...  As I watched from stage left I could feel the collective heat and humidity coming off of the sold out room combined with the Great American's unfortunate ventilation system.  To paraphrase from that great Southern Rock live album, it felt "hotter than a box in a forest fire".  My first thought early in the set was that it was great to see the Melvins performing as a volume-riffic power trio again.  My second thought was that I was glad the waitress working the room was obviously a Melvins fan.  She took advantage of her workplace efficiently and stopped to watch the band at stage left while making her floor rounds... so I was able to place a beer order with her and not have to go to the other side of the room to the bar.  Hope I die before I get old.

 

 [Photos courtesy of Photo Ray]

Pinkus on the 4-string brought a funky rocking swing to the bottom end that the band really hasn't had live before.  A cover of the vintage Butthole Surfers song 'Moving To Florida' was a nice nod to Mr. Pinkus and the set also included 2 songs from the new album featuring the Buttholes as well.  Tonight's sonic hammer lasted around 14-songs I believe with the most ancient tune being 'Your Blessened'.  If you must know, my fave song of the evening was the vintage classic 'Night Goat'!  It was the perfect song to feature Pinkus on the 4-string.  If you're a Melvins fan.. you know what I'm talking about.  It also still fascinates me that 'The Bit' is basically the Melvins signature song here in the 21st Century; I guess they can thank Mastodon for that?

There was too much merch and I didn't do a merch audit, but I did score the new 'Night Goat' 7" reissue from AmRep with new badass screen printed art.  On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag.  The Melvins are one of those bands that, as much as I love them, it's hard for me to feel like I have anything "new" left to say about them that I haven't ranted about already.  Seeing a band almost 50 times (according to the Umlaut Archives) will do that I guess... or probably I'm just getting lazy.

A Revelation

King Buzzo / Field  
Great American Music Hall, San Francisco
June 15, 2014

This space has been both the bane of my existence and my "creative" outlet for 10 years now.  Right now it's a grind for me to put words together.  It feels like homework and that's not good.  So, with this in mind, I'm trying to hit reset and basically took a month off from ranting about shows in this space. For those who care here's where I was during that time:

• May 15th - Sammy Hagar with James Hetfield & Friends - Acoustic-4-A-Cure Benefit - The Fillmore, San Francisco.  Hetfield sang a Beatles song... Yeah.  It was definitely one of those "only in San Francisco" nights and it was for a good cause.  Oddly tickets were going for up to $500 via StubHub but Umlaut has a good friend who bought a ticket at face value only the week before via Ticketbastard.  Hmm...
• May 17th - Scion Rock Fest 2014, Pomona, California.  I had a TON of FUN and it was cool hanging with friends. I finally saw Midnight but was disappointingly underwhelmed; they had a large crowd but would have been better in a smaller space IMO.  Orchid's first show ever in Southern California and they owned.  Saw King Buzzo solo for the first time and I was impressed.  Then I walked the streets of Pomona with him for a bit which was entertaining.  I missed Coffins but Windhand were my favorite band of the fest.
• May 22nd - Black Cobra / The Cutthroat 9 - Slim's, San Francisco.  A satisfying evening of massive volume with my bros Jason and Rafa with support from Cutthroat 9 who feature Chris Spencer on guitar from the legendary Unsane and Will Carroll on drums from Death Angel.
• June 4th - The Damned - Slim's, San Francisco. The band were great.  The hits were played.. but old Punk crowds are WAY more uptight than old Metal crowds.  Lighten up, Punks Not Dead.

Yes, all of these gigs should have made for interesting blog rants..  Anyway, let's attempt to hit reset, shall we?  Here we go...

The opening singer / songwriter was named Field who evidently is also the drummer for the guy who sings for System Of A Down when he does his solo thing.  Field did exactly what you would expect from an evening of "acoustic" music.  He sat on a stool with an acoustic guitar and sang as if the ghost of Nick Drake would anoint him simply for sitting on a stool with a guitar and singing.  Field's time onstage made me ponder that if Nick Drake had lived 'Pink Moon' likely would have disappeared into obscurity and never been used to sell Volkswagen.  Discuss amongst yourselves.. Anyway, before the show this happened downstairs:

The Mary Poppins Guitar

 [Photo courtesy of Photo Ray]

Half of 7 Year Bitch were also downstairs, which was a nice surprise since I hadn't seen them in a long time.  Then Buzz went upstairs and set up his own gear.

I had seen the Buzz acoustic machine play an abbreviated set last month at Scion Rock Fest 2014 and it was an epiphany.  Seeing Buzz solo was like seeing the Melvins for the first time; I thought I knew what to expect but the reality was something different... and great.. and made me appreciate music in a different slanted way.  Buzz did exactly the opposite of what you would expect from an evening of "acoustic" music. He still brought the volume.

Buzz smartly opened his solo set with 'Boris' into 'The Ballad Of Bright Fry'.  These are songs that Melvins fans know well so they were old friends.. but the solo arrangements and interpretations made them new and engaging.  Alone on stage Buzz's guitar thunders and his voice booms.  Unlike with the Melvins, the words were as crushing as the chords. It was a revelation after having only known Buzz with an electric guitar in tandom with obliterating drums and bass all these years.  Buzz solo onstage was like having Thor slam the stage with his mighty hammer.  He also chatted with the crowd and told amusing anecdotes in between songs. Buzz was downright charming.

The songs off his brand new This Machine Kills Artist album work great in a live setting with 'Drunken Baby' being my fave of the night. Halfway through the set I moved to the back of the room to get another perspective.  I was struck by how completely Buzz filled the room with his voice and presence in a different way than his band does.  I've seen the Melvins more than a few times at the Great American and it was funny seeing only Buzz's hair onstage, but it worked.  It completely worked.  A very inspired and great version of the Melvins classic 'Revolve' closed out the 70 minutes and then it was Thankyouandgoodnight.

I didn't do a merch audit but there was a shit ton of Buzz merch for sale, only 2 of which were t-shirts.  On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag.  It's very, very cool that an artist who I've followed for so long can still engage me and remove my jaded view of things and crush it under his shoe.  King Buzzo does that. 

Auld Lang Syne

Sorry, guys... but December 2013 was my "lost" month as far as this blog goes.  For various reasons I didn't post show rants... but for the record these were the shows I attended:

12/11 - High On Fire / Kvelertak / Windhand - The Regency, San Francisco
12/11 - Fates Warning - DNA Lounge, San Francisco
12/18 - Megadeth - The Warfield, San Francisco
12/27 - The Oath - The Garage, London, England

Yeah, I've been sort of busy and distracted... blah blah blah.  In short:

• Windhand were great even if they channel Acid King a good bit IMO.  Kvelertak were awesome as usual (one of my fave live bands) and High On Fire were more thunderous than ever but I think I've seen them too many times and need a break, 
• Fates Warning was a nice face time reunion with old friend bassist Joey Vera (Armored Saint) and although I don't know anything about Fates Warning (aka I'm a poser) their Prog Metal was really good.
• Yes, 12/11 was a doubleheader night for Umlaut.  The last one was back in April 2012.
• Megadeth was another nice face time reunion with old friends Mr. Mustaine and Mr. Ellefson.  The band played basically the same set as I saw in September with Iron Maiden.
• The Oath were a nice cherry on the top of a great return Christmas visit to my spiritual home city of London (according to my passports it was my 15th visit to the birthplace of NWOBHM since 1995.. crazy how time flies..).  The Oath recently supported Ghost in Germany.  I'm glad I saw the band before their debut album, which is due out later this year on Rise Above Records.

This new year of 2014 marks the 10th Anniversary (TEN... YEARS) of this blog / rant space and at the moment I'm burned out on it.  Honesty is my only excuse.  We'll see if I can get inspired again in the near future.. Fingers crossed.  TEN.. YEARS.  Anyway, Umlaut's 2013 ended with..

Melvins / Redd Kross / Frightwig
Great American Music Hall, San Francisco
New Year's Eve 2013

This was a very special bill for Umlaut because the Melvins and Redd Kross were THE two bands I gravitated to the most after I fell out of love with Metal in the mid to late 80's.   These bands specifically helped me to regain an innocent love of bands and music again. I had burned out on Metal and was disillusioned as "my" bands (specifically Metallica) had suddenly become popular with the types of people (specifically jocks) who had previously belittled and marginalized me.  These were the types of people who had made me feel isolated in the world... and music became my best friend... and via this music I suddenly found kindred souls who became my friends.  Then that scene was "gone" in my eyes... and again I felt isolated... but thankfully I was introduced to bands like the Melvins and Redd Kross by roommates and friends and I became obsessed with bands all over again... for the first time.  The Melvins and Redd Kross are as sacred to me as Mercyful Fate and Motörhead; they represent another phase in my life.  Anyway...

Prior to the show I met friends, some of whom I've known for 20 years, for a nice pre-show Thai dinner at Lers Ros Thai... and then we few, we happy few, waded through the human detritus of The Tenderloin and around the corner to the venue.  Sadly, while we were having dinner a 6-year old girl was killed and her mom and younger brother critically injured by an SUV as they crossed the street just around the corner from us.  Awful.

I only watched Frightwig for a couple of songs before going downstairs to say "Hi" to the headliners. Frightwig had Eric Drew Feldman (Captain Beefheart, PJ Harvey) playing keyboards!?  Interesting.

According to the Umlaut Archives this was around the 10th time I've seen Redd Kross. They played the perfect setlist that had a song or so from their latest album Researching The Blues and a slew of their most beloved songs like 'Annie's Gone', 'I Hate My School', 'Frosted Flake', 'Pretty Please Me', and 'Jimmy's Fantasy'. When they careened into 'Annie's Gone' I had a profound sense of deja vu back to my late 80's days in San Jose when I was first introduced to Redd Kross by an old roommate in a house we rented on 3rd Street.  Good times.. ain't we lucky we got 'em.  Things came full circle 20 years after the fact when they brought Frightwig onstage to perform 'Crazy World' with them; Redd Kross covered the song back in 1993.   They then closed with a roaring version of 'Deuce' complete with Jeff / Steve recreating the Gene / Ace stage moves just like the old days.

According to the Umlaut Archives this was around the 37th time I've seen the Melvins. Tonight it was the bedrock Melvins / Big Business version of the band performing.  I absolutely love how the Melvins (aka Buzz and Dale) have 2 or 3 different versions of the band that tour and record now; eclectic versatility that keeps their output and performances interesting.  The Melvins (aka Buzz and Dale) have found a way to adapt and change; they are like the cockroach.

Instead of taking to the stage in 2013 and then stopping their set for the obligatory midnight countdown, the Melvins waited until the stroke of midnight and walked onstage in 2014. They were accompanied by a vintage recording of 'Auld Lang Syne' that segued into a loop of the coughing intro from Sabbath's 'Sweet Leaf' as the obligatory balloons fell from the ceiling. Perfect!

I thought it was a nice touch for them to open with the crushing epic 'Hag Me' since 2013 had marked the 20th Anniversary (!!) of the Houdini album.. and 75 minutes or so later the show ended with 'Hung Bunny' / 'Roman Dog Bird' from the Lysol record.  In between those vintage bookends the 4 Horsemen of the Rockalypse played their usual enchanting mix of newer songs (like 'A Growing Disgust'.. 'City Dump'..) as well as more ancient songs that old fans like Umlaut still geek out over (like 'Sweet Willy Rollbar'... 'Your Blessened'..).  The cadence call and response classic that is 'The Water Glass' was a perfect New Year's song. 

As I've probably said before in this space, at this point in my life a Melvins show in San Francisco is as much of a reunion as a concert.  There are at least a couple of old friends from back in The Day who I only see at their shows now... and after being around the band for 20+ years it's nice just to be able to casually chat with the Melvins (aka Buzz and Dale) about different shit now.  It's not like that with some other bands who I've know for that long or even longer.  Anyway...

Footnote:  I can't remember the last time I didn't drink alcohol at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve.  It wasn't by choice but because I didn't want to lose my cushy stage right spot and deal with the bar.  Priorities for 2014 have now been set.

I didn't do a merch audit.  On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags.  Then 48 hours later, one thing led to another, and I was at a San Jose Sharks game with this perspective:

[Pic courtesy of Old Man Moss]

Then this happened:

[Video courtesy of Umlaut's iPhone]

'Honeybucket' on Ice!  The song was selected by Sharks #22 Dan Boyle who is a big Melvins fan.  Pretty cool, right?   Also a damn fine way to start the New Year which, as I said at the start of this, is the 10th year of me doing this "blog".   Let's see what happens... THANKS for the support.

It Was 20 Years Ago...

Earlier today the Melvins posted a vintage video clip from 1993 of a moment that Umlaut had completely forgotten about:

 

Click HERE to see the video (embedding has been disabled).  It was posted by sound engineering legend Billy Anderson who says:  

This is the un-edited version of the Gene Simmons/Melvins thing at the Palladium in 1993. For better or worse... Also included: Myself and Jason destroying a radio for some reason, Dale 's kit at check, a giant fist in Detroit, soundcheck at the Palladium, a little clip of Primus, the Simmons backstage incident (he accidentally locked his bass backstage and was supposed to be onstage performing with the Melvins..I was at the soundboard and had no idea what was happening..) and subsequent entire cover of Goin' Blind, and finishing with a short clip of Plainfield (feat. Jeffery "Smelly" Griffin, and Trey) playing in Olympia. For some reason. Sorry for the frankenclip, i don't know why all these things are jumbled in one clip, but that's what i got. It is what it is-20 years old and hard to remember. Enjoy.

Besides all of that Rock Star action, this also happened backstage at The Palladium that night:

From Umlaut - Issue 9

Yes, The God of Thunder himself anointed my original xeroxed Umlaut 'zine with the help of Acid King and the Melvins.  Pretty historic, hysterical, and amazing in hindsight... It was in the days when Grunge was all the rage and burned in our hearts.  I'm pretty sure Gene Simmons would charge me for use of this other photo from that 1993 night now:

Umlaut - Issue 7 with Gene's bass... Next to King Buzzo's iconic original Les Paul that had the Rock and Roll Over decal on it.  Note that "someone" had added God Of Thunder makeup to my cover photo of The Skipper!

"I'm 93... You're 16.."

Year End

(the) Melvins / Pins Of Light
Great American Music Hall, San Francisco
December 29, 2012 

Parking around the Great American can be a pain in the ass these days.  However, the evening got off to a nice start when I spotted a lone parking space just around the corner from the venue.  Unfortunately the space was on a one way alley and I was at the wrong end of it... but I seized the moment and drove the wrong way down the alley, flipped a y-turn, and got the space.  That's how you drive if you wanna survive in The Big City, motherfuckers..

This was best show to end Umlaut's 2012. At this point a Melvins show in San Francisco is as much a reunion as a concert for Umlaut. Old friends who I never see anymore always come out of the woodwork for the night and that old school vibe is always thick in the air for me. Tonight was no exception as I was able to catch up with several friends who I hadn't seen since the last Melvins show I attended.  Very good times and the show hadn't even started yet.

Pins Of Light have become one of my favorite local live bands this year. Their Punk stylings combined with a very subtle Classic Rock bedrock works perfectly with their blazingly charismatic onstage personality. It was cool seeing them win over a Melvins crowd that was unfamiliar with them... 45 minutes well spent.  It was equally cool seeing all of the Melvins guys watching at least some of their set from stage left as well.  Check. Them. Out.   

According to the Umlaut Archives this was at least my 36th Melvins show. There was a time between 1992-99 when I thought the Melvins were the greatest band, like, ever.  Fast forward to the 21st Century and I'm starting to think that way again here at the end of 2012.  At this point the Melvins basically do whatever the fuck they want, tour in whatever configuration (Melvins / Big Business combo or Melvins Lite) they fucking want, and release whatever the fuck they want.  The recent explosion of Melvins crazy cool vinyl releases via Amphetamine Reptile puts Jack White and Third Man Records to shame.  Anyway, right around 10:30pm I followed the Melvins up the backstage stairs to the stage:

Unlike the Melvins Lite tour earlier this year (which Umlaut unfortunately missed) tonight featured the now classic Melvins / Big Business lineup that has revived and renewed the band's juggernaut in a way I never would have thought possible. There was a time back in the 20th Century when the thought of the Melvins with TWO drummers seemed like a very bad joke... but this configuration still totally and completely works.

Tonight's set was a surgical 75 minutes that featured a nice slice across most of the Melvins world.  Seeing the old brain damage hammers 'Hag Me' and also 'Hung Bunny' / 'Roman Dog Bird' from Lysol (!) performed again was great but it's now awesome to witness the absolutely epic 'Civilized Worm' unfold onstage and watch the crowd unfold with it.  Epic.  Absolutely epic.  Also, the cadence call-and-response of 'The Water Glass' is now a performance wonder to behold as well.  "We are ready!"   At one point Buzz broke a string mid-song (during 'The Bit') and after his tech switched him out his wounded weapon lay next to me. 

It looks so peaceful laying there, right?  Shhhh...

The Great American was pretty much at capacity for the headliners and I could feel the heat from the collected humans from where I stood every now and then.  I watched the set from stage left and it was nice to see that the front rows were mainly younger fans who are probably not much different than I was 20 years ago as a Melvins fanatic.  It's hard to fathom that the Melvins will be celebrating their 30th Anniversary next year.  On the flip side, it's inspiring to see that their crowd isn't just old fart Music Geeks like me but rather a healthy mix of aging Music Geeks as well as the younger generations of Melvins aficionados.  "We are ready, ready, ready!"  As I told Buzz and Dale afterwards:  They're still awesome even after all this time... and I was not blowing smoke up their ass.  Melvins Rule O.K..

Rock Star sightings = Mike Patton.  The next time I see the Melvins won't be until next May at Maryland Deathfest 2013... or as Buzz called it "some Metal Fest".  Should be epic.  I completely spaced because of the socializing and didn't do a merch audit... but the Melvins were offering the limited edition red / white swirl 12" split with Redd Kross.  I thought was only going to be available at the New Year's Eve show the two were playing together in L.A..  Of course a copy went home with me.  The Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag.  Oh, in the backstage hallway the Great American has a small tribute to the legendary epic Amebix show that the venue hosted in 2009!

 

Pretty cool, right?!  No gods, No masters.  Melvins. This was Umlaut's 47th and final gig of 2012..  It was a good year for me (dog bless) and this show was the perfect volume finale.  See y'all next year!

A New Year

Melvins
Great American Music Hall, San Francisco
January 8, 2011

I was running late for this show and for the first time in memory I blew off looking for street parking and instead dropped $9 for a pay lot around the corner. I felt lame for doing this but I didn't have time to fuck around. However, I felt better about my decision when I got my envelope at Will Call and then found myself in the dressing room saying "Hi" to the band and seeing old friends again over a beer.

Ironically, the first gig I saw last year was also the Melvins at the Great American. Tonight's show was a quick trip up the coast for the band as they had started a January residency at Spaceland in L.A. the night before. For the newbies: The Melvins are playing Spaceland every Friday this month with each show featuring a different classic Melvins album being played in its entirety. Pretty cool.

According to the Umlaut Archives this was my 35th Melvins show and my Inner Music Geek always tweaks out on the familiarity of seeing bands who I have a long history with take the stage. However, unlike other bands, with the Melvins I never know what to expect from them as they walk out into the stage lights... and tonight was no different. As I found a spot at stage right to watch the show, a quick glance at the setlist made me say "Holy Shit!" to myself. The band launched into an epic 20 minute opening instrumental onslaught circa 1992 of 'Charmicarmicat' (from 1992's Egg Nog) > 'Hung Bunny' (from 1992's Lysol). EPIC. It was cool to watch the faces of the people in the front couple of rows as they got that expression of awe and worship towards the Melvins as the set unfolded. I've been there, kids... I've totally been there.

(Point & Shoot by Umlaut)

After the initial instrumental onslaught, the opening set continued with a selection that included other 1992-era gems 'Hog Leg' (also from Eggnog!) and 'With Teeth' (also from Lysol!). At that point I'm pretty sure I had the same expression on my face as those kids in the front row had... Deja vu, man. Then it was time for a brief intermission for everyone to catch their breath before the 2nd set of the evening. Beer me!

For their 2nd set the Melvins played 1 song from EVERY one of their albums. HOLY SHIT. It was brilliant and for the next hour or so it was also crushing beyond belief... and I was reminded that few bands have pushed me to the brink with their volume like the Melvins have over the years. In keeping with their tradition of doing the unexpected the band closed the night with a blistering cover of the song 'Bacon Industry' by Jared's old K Records band Karp.

Buzz's 21st Century Weapon of Mass Destruction

The Melvins are one of those rare bands who have managed to maintain a career by redefining themselves just enough to keep themselves interested but without sacrificing too much of their original selves for their fans. The old songs still grab me by the throat... but watching the Melvins perform newer standards like 'Civilized Worm' and the call-and-response cadence of 'The Water Glass' makes me appreciate the band in a new way every time. The consistency of their loud eclectic brilliance is still unmatched.

After the set, and as the dust settled, I went to check out the merch table and then went back to the dressing room for a nightcap and to say goodbye. The aftershow backstage Rock Star action was filled by Mike Patton. Yes, even Rock Stars have favorite bands. Tonight was 2+ hours that started off my year in perfect fashion. For awhile back in the 20th Century the Melvins were my favorite band... and as I drove back to Casa de Umlaut after this epic show I thought that, as this new year starts, the Melvins might be my favorite band again.

If you bought one of every Melvins merch item you would have been able to buy a poster, a limited edition 12", and a limited edition CD box set... but no shirts. Bummer. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag. For some reason drummers always want their picture taken with Umlaut... Weird.

Drummer Acid King > Scary Umlaut > Drummer Melvins

Click HERE to see Photo Ray's shots from the night!

New Year + Old Volume

Melvins
Great American Music Hall, San Francisco
January 2, 2010

Poster image courtesy of Secret Serpents

Umlaut's first show of the New Year / Decade! Prior to the show we stopped for German food and German beer at the awesome Schmidt's. Then we few, we happy few, made our way to The Big Rock Show. Umlaut's Inner Music Geek remembered that almost 18 years ago to the day I was at:

$5.00!

VERY good times... Longtime friends know that Umlaut has a lot of history with the Melvins but I hadn't hung out with a pass at one of their shows in over 10 years. It was nice to hang out backstage before the show and catch up with Dale... realize that Buzz still remembers me... and also reconnect with other Old School Melvins friends like Ben (Hey Ben!). It was also cool to chat with Meg of Totimoshi and get the update about her great band (FYI: They're on tour with Mastodon in Europe in February and then a Summer U.S. Tour with the Melvins...). However, despite the excellent company, the backstage food left something to be desired... but it was offset by the cool photo of Robert Plant taken in that same dressing room! It was snapped when he made an unannounced appearance with Buddy Miller last October.

Food...

Plant!

Anyway... After the socializing it was time for the Melvins to begin their "An Evening With" performance and they were scheduled to play 2 sets with a short intermission in between. No support acts... All Killer, No Filler.... or as Dale said "All Filler, No Killer"... Either way I was looking forward to it as we acquired fresh beers and settled in to watch the show from stage right.

Umlaut's first concert of the New Year / Decade opened with the OLD SCHOOL double shot of 'The Ballad Of Bright Fry' > 'It's Shoved'.. HOLY SHIT... I was seriously knocked sideways mentally by this song selection and my head was immediately transported back to those HEAVY days of the early-90's. Also, Coady Willis' drum kit was empty for the first part of Set #1 so it was a "classic" configuration of the Melvins (Buzz > Dale > bass) onstage at the beginning. My Old School head trip was heightened even more by the fact that the band's former bassist Lori Black was standing next to us... and I hadn't seen her since probably 1993.. Crazy.

'Hooch'!
(Vid by Umlaut)

The second set was highlighted by another Old School hammering with 'Anaconda', an extended and scathing rendition of 'Night Goat', and also a great version of 'The Bit'.. which is probably the Melvins' most well known song thanks to Mastodon's cover version.

However, despite all of my Music Geek nostalgia over the old songs, I was equally blown away by the newer material. Back when I first heard about the merging of the Melvins and Big Business into one band I was all, like, WTF?? The Melvins with TWO drummers? WTF? However, now that I've seen the lineup a couple of times I can say that I'm completely into it... From Day 1 the Melvins were always a band who did things their own way. Dale and Buzz always went against what people thought they were about and always strived to be the opposite of any creative expectations that others had... and over the years they've pretty much always found new (but still HEAVY and COMPELLING) ways to make their brand of music. While watching them over the course of the 2+ hours on this night I was very aware how caught up I was in their set and how easy it was for me to be a FAN of the band's creativity again... and that does not happen very often for Umlaut. Usually I'm a jaded mofo.

Halfway through the show deja vu hit me like a Doc Marten to the face AGAIN when I remembered that Skychick and I had watched the Melvins from the exact same spot at The Great American just over 16 years ago (!):

December 5, 1993
(Pic by Skychick)

Crazy, right? It's amazing and inspiring the kind of perspective life gives you as you get older. Age IS only a number! It was cool to reconnect with the Melvins after all this time, both personally and as a fan.. and the Umlaut Nation was out in force tonight as well... so a shout out to Joey, Johnny, Photo Ray, Wexford Girl, The Bassist, Cuevas, Lisawiz / Trent, and Photo Alan.

If you bought one of every Melvins merch item you would have paid NOTHING because they weren't selling any! Evidently since this was a one-off show they didn't bring any merch... which struck me as very odd... but Secret Serpents did have an awesome show poster for $25 which I think pretty much sold out. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. My New Year will be filled with some "interesting" adventures very early on in the next several weeks... some of which I'll rant about in this space... some that I won't... but at least Umlaut's 2010 got off to a very nice VOLUME fueled start!

Dale with The Old School Dudes

Umlaut's Theme Song as this New Year kicks off: 'Roadbull' -Melvins... and click HERE for some of Photo Ray's shots from the show!

Prison Yard

Down / Melvins / Weedeater
The Regency Ballroom, San Francisco
August 14, 2009

When did they rename this place "The Regency Ballroom" from "The Grand Ballroom"? Also, I remember when this space was a movie theater; I'm pretty sure I saw James & the Giant Peach and The Hunt For Red October there. Anyway.....

The security check to enter The Regency was the most ridiculous in recent memory! They weren't allowing anyone to enter who was wearing a belt that even had the most generic studs on it; I know of at least one person who couldn't go in because, like, his belt was actually holding his pants up! WTF... Security is one thing, but common sense is another.. Mr. Security Guard wouldn't let me take my pen in (which I use to jot down notes for this space, but I guess in theory I could also use it as a shiv.. I guess..) and when he took it from me he said "This is a nice pen!"... Yes, he actually said that. I hope you choke on it, motherfucker.

Anyway, as we entered the main floor just as Weedeater were about to start, I wasn't paying attention and thought to myself "Hmm, there's quite of bit of room in the middle of the floor..".. Then I realized I was walking right through the middle of The Pit and almost walked into a shirtless, sweaty Skinhead dude who was pacing The Pit with that cocked pistol body language. It was kind of funny seeing a shirtless, sweaty White Boy stalking The Pit eventhough there was no band onstage.. but no worries. I sidestepped him and kept walking to the far side of the room. When you encounter a wild animal it's best not make any sudden moves.

Umlaut digs Weedeater and they played one of their classic sludgy sets that was highlighted by a nice sludgy cover of Skynyrd's 'Gimme Back My Bullets'. I think by the time they finished there had already been 3 fights on the floor, which was an indication of how the rest of the night would be. After Weedeater's set, I was walking back across the floor towards the lobby and almost walked into a guy being held up by his buddy as he puked. Woah, dude! No worries, I sidestepped him and kept walking to the lobby. Splish, splash.

Longtime readers (and by "longtime" I mean back to the xeroxed 'zine version of Umlaut) will remember that the Melvins were an integral part of Umlaut: The 'Zine... but that was a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. For the newbies, the mutual appreciation society between myself and the Melvins culminated in Drumb:


Drumb was a mini-'zine written by Dale Crover and included as an insert in Issue #10 of Umlaut. Pretty fucking cool, right?! Click HERE to download a PDF of Drumb.

According to the Umlaut Archives this was around the 35th time I'd seen the Melvins dating back to 1990-91; they were my favorite band for a long time, man. The current Melvins lineup of Buzz > Dale with Coady and Jared of Big Business is seriously great... and for the 3rd time this year my senses were assaulted by a guitarist wielding an all-metal guitar, with Buzz joining Steve Albini on a Travis Bean and Isis (who had their EGC axes).

I had a SERIOUS nostalgia trip when the Melvins launched into a classic double shot of 'Anaconda' > 'Zodiac'... and then they laid another oldie on the crowd with 'Hooch'. Wow... The Melvins were the main part of my soundtrack when I first moved to San Franfuckincisco a million years ago and it was really good seeing those songs live again. However, it was odd seeing the Melvins lay down their eclectic brand of volume underneath the massive Down backdrop, but a good portion of the crowd were obviously there to see them.

I think it's safe to say that many of the Melvins fans split before Down, but they were replaced by many Down fans who arrived late or who had been hanging out in the lobby. By the time Down came on the main floor looked and felt like a prison yard.


The floor (and upstairs balcony for that matter) was packed, especially after the Melvins finished, and it was one of those Regency shows where the only ventilation seemed to come when the doors to the lobby were opened as someone entered or left. The prison yard feel was ratcheted up by the gang of shirtless White Boyz who paced in a circle in The Pit even between bands. You know the type... Who let the dogs out?

It was a bummer that Rex Brown had decided to sit out this part of the Down tour (to deal with some "personal issues" according to the press release), so the aura of having 1/2 of Pantera onstage was missing. However, 'The Path' and 'Lifer' (the latter dedicated to Dimebag Darryl) were my highlights of the set, but by the time they hit 'Temptation's Wings' (my favorite Down song..) I was burned out from being in the prison yard's heat, pot smoke, sweat, humidity, and the sticky floor coated with spilled beer and puke.

Not long ago, Umlaut friend Invisible Oranges wrote something titled 'Love The Band, Hate The Fans' and it came to mind during Down's set. Although their NOLA album is one of my all-time favorites, I always forget how the band's crowd reminds me why I never embraced Pantera. The crowd had that same jockish meathead Friday Night Lights vibe that tends to feed upon itself with fan-on-fan violence.. Prison yard, man.

I tried to do an accurate gender audit of the crowd and I figure the Dude-To-Chick ratio was probably 95% dudes to 5% chicks... Which is funny to me because the Dude-To-Chick ratio at a Slayer show these days is more even; chicks dig Slayer. Discuss amongst yourselves.

That being said, there was a crazy number of Umlaut Nation friends at the show... so a shout out to Timo, Photo Ray, Joey, Rafa, Jason, Wexford Girl, The Bassist, DeVito, Photo Alan, Stacy, Sven, Jenn, Dan, and Nikki Blakk.

I'm getting really bad about not doing merch audits; I might just lay off of them for awhile. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. At some point this weekend I have to use my chainsaw (yes, Umlaut owns a chainsaw..) to trim back the branches on a tree in the backyard; I should take off my shirt and start pacing the yard in a circle to get in the mood Prison Yard style.

Here Comes The Sun

Man, after all the bad news that's kicked off this year, it's about time there was some GOOD news to give Umlaut hope for the rest of the year.

After all the rumors and hushed, "off the record" chit chat at Umlaut social gatherings, it's finally been publicly announced: Shrinebuilder is a reality!

Dude, "supergroup" is an understatement.. The band's lineup features members of some now-legendary bands who were basically the decibel-fueled soundtrack for the original xeroxed Umlaut 'zine back in the hazy, crazy early-90's:

Wino (Saint Vitus, The Obsessed, The Hidden Hand)- vocals
Scott Kelly (Neurosis) - guitar
Al Cisneros (Sleep, Om)- bass
Dale Crover (Melvins) - drums

HOLY SHIT! My ears are already ringing..

The band is currently working on pre-production for an album scheduled for release on Neurot Recordings this Summer. You can follow the project's progress via Scott's blog or via the Shrinebuilder MySpace page.

There is Hope through Volume.. Let this be the first of many blessings in 2009... and I dedicate this post to all the hipster kids who have no appreciation of the magnitude of this collaboration. To quote 'I Bleed Black' by Saint Vitus:

"I can tell by their eyes they're just a bunch of fucking unaware squares..."

In other related shit: Umlaut may drive a Prius, but part of him wishes he drove a Scion.. or could at least meet Scion's Marketing Dept.. because Scion is seriously METAL.. No joke.

(Trivia: Scion is a division of Toyota)

Scion not only sponsored a FREE High On Fire show in L.A. at the end of last year, but they're also hosting the FREE Scion Rock Fest in Atlanta on February 28th. The bill is BEYOND mindblowing:


The bill reads like Umlaut's CD collection... especially with Mastodon, Neurosis, High On Fire, Boris, 1349, Torche, Wolves In The Throne Room, Harvey Milk, Kylesa, Skeletonwitch, and Warbringer.. Plus it's in a small 1,500 capacity venue.. WTF!? This.... bill... is... BEYOND... mindblowing.

Whoever is running the show at Scion is some kind of Metalhead... and, with forward thinking Satanic Marketing like this, U.S. car makers don't have a fucking chance despite the recent government bailout... 'cause Satan and METAL trumps God and New Country Music every time. "Built Ford Tough" is for pussies.

There is Hope through Volume, my friends.. There is hope.

Biafra Five-O

Jello Biafra / The Melvins / Drunk Injuns / Los Olvidados
Great American Music Hall, San Francisco
June 16, 2008



This was the first night of a two night stand to celebrate Jello's 50th Birthday... Twas also a classic "only in San Francisco" show... It was also a classic example of how Umlaut sometimes feels schizophrenic when it comes to his Music Geek side; just the other day I was ranting and raving about Robert Plant & Alison Krauss. Now I have to report that I had the same level of reaction (images, really... feelings) to this performance. I guess it just reinforces that quote attributed to Louis Armstrong: "There are only two types of music.. Good and Bad." Discuss amongst yourselves.

The Umlaut Nation was out in force with Timo, Teri, Johnny, Any, and Raymond watching my back. It's a good thing too because I cannot remember the last time I was so TIRED at a show; I was still trying to shake off my stint in the EST last week.. Man, there were a couple of times when I thought I was gonna fall asleep and plant my face on the lovely wooden floor of the GAMH... but I sucked it up.

It's been years since I've seen the GAMH floor open up into a pit as big as the one started early in the evening.. Remember Jesus Lizard at the GAMH? Me too... Umlaut is old.... BUT it was reassuring being at a show where most of the crowd was around my age... AND it was cool to see THE KIDS at the show.. and I mean KIDS... like no older than 8-years old sitting on the shoulders of their cool parents. Those kids are gonna be alright.

You know how life takes twists and turns.. Back in the xeroxed Umlaut 'zine days, the Melvins were basically Umlaut's official band... I was absolutely fanatical about them and followed them all over this great land of our's... But things happened and things changed (I don't mean that in a good or a bad way... things just changed...)... Fast forward to the 21st Century and it's been 9 years (!) since I last saw the band live. Wow.. Time flies when, etc. etc.

In typical goofy, but inspired, fashion the Melvins opened the evening by playing in (sort of) a recreation of their original 1983 Punk lineup featuring Buzz on guitar, Dale on bass (in lieu of Matt "Mudhoney" Lukin), and original drummer Mike Dillard... with a set featuring songs from their Mangled Demos including the classic 'Set Me Straight'. Unique... Fun... All of the above.

Hot on the heels of that, Los Olvidados and Drunk Injuns delivered nice old school style Punk sets... and while Drunk Injuns had the advantage of wearing cool masks onstage, I have to say I liked Los Olvidados a bit more 'cause they closed their set with a cover of the Dead Boys' 'What Love Is' which is, like, one of Umlaut's fave songs... Trivia: Los Olvidados and Drunk Injuns have the same members.

Back in The Day when Umlaut was a xeroxed 'zine, Jello was Umlaut's stalker for a month... Click HERE to relive those magical times. Umlaut also obtained a definitive interview with Jello back then as well:

From Umlaut Issue 10 - Fall 1994

Prior to her son taking the stage, it was announced that Jello's mom had flown in from Colorado and was sitting in the balcony. Awww..... Jello finally took the stage with his new band, The Axis of Evildoers, featuring local boys Billy Gould (Faith No More) on bass, Ralph Spight (Victim's Family) on guitar, and Jon Weiss (Sharkbait) on drums. Jello was a ball of furious 50-year old energy and I'm sure his mom was proud. After running through 40 minutes of new songs, the new band gave way to the Melvins and special guest guitarist Adam Jones from Tool (!).

Jello really hit his 50-year old stride with the Melvins set and it was great to see him getting into his onstage fury as the set progressed. Somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure they opened with 'Plethysmograph' and played most of the other songs off the Never Breath What You Can't See and Sieg Howdy albums, including my commute theme song 'Yuppie Cadillac'.. I have to admit that after 9 years it was good to see Dale and Buzz live again.. They're still the Dynamic Duo of Volume.

The updated version of 'California Über Alles' really got the floor going... as did the rip-roaring 'Holiday In Cambodia' that closed out the festivities... and I'm sure 'Holiday' will be remembered as one of Umlaut's musical highlights of 2008... As soon as the intro started EVERYONE in the room knew what was coming, so when the song kicked in, the entire room went OFF. It was beautiful.. It's the MUSIC, man... It's the fucking MUSIC. "Pol Pot... Pol Pot... Pol Pot..."

Maybe someday Hayne will write about her experience of being Jello's chauffeur for a night back in The Day (hint hint)... but until then I won't harsh the overall respect the guy has... As I commented earlier, this was an "only in San Francisco" event and it lived up to that. I'm thankful that the S.F. Bay Area is where I was born and raised and where I grew up to be a Music Geek. He may be San Francisco's version of Bono, but Dog bless Jello Biafra.... goddamit.

Number of Necros shirts = 1. I didn't do a merch audit because there was WAY too much stuff for sale; the merch table was like an Alternative Tentacles garage sale... BUT t-shirts and CDs were only 10 bucks! I bought one of each. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. At $22 for 4 hours of entertainment we were all abuzz afterwards over what good value for money the evening had been... It's nice to find a bargain in these hard economic times... cue Noam Chomsky... or Jello... definitely not Rollins.

Click HERE to see Raymond's pics from the event!

Not Punk

So Umlaut saw the new Punk documentary American Hardcore. A review in two words: No DK's??

In the early-80's Umlaut was all about underground Metal (Metallica, Slayer, Mercyful Fate, Venom, Exodus, etc) but, thanks to Big Wayne, I did experience the death throws of that original Hardcore scene. However, I cannot claim to ever being a "Punk"... mainly because I like guitar solos.

In the movie the Bad Brains say they were inspired by two books: The Bible (Errr, so was Jesus the original Punk? Discuss amongst yourselves..) and Napoleon Hill'’s Think and Grow Rich.

Uhh, Napoleon Hill??! WTF!!?

Back in the mid-80's I worked at a bookstore and do you know who read Napoleon Hill? Yuppie Fucks. THAT was the literary road map for the Godfathers of D.C. Hardcore?? Uhh, ooookaaay.....

All I gotta say is the Bitter Old Punks complaining about Hot Topic, etc. have no one to blame but themselves. All they gotta do is look at the reading list of some of their Punk Godz.

Gimme METAL and H.P. Lovecraft any day as I await the release of a documentary that will tell *my* story.

On another note, doesn't the existence of Hot Topic mean that perhaps "Punk" actually won "The War"?

In the film one of the Bitter Old Punks admits they never really expected to change the government. If that's the case, then does it mean nothing that "Punk" did at least change popular culture's design sense? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Gimme Gimme Gimme.

===
Submitted by Dave:

In 1993 I moved to Richmond, VA and "settled into a squat" off Broad Street in downtown Richmond ("Da Hood") with old friends Buzzov-en.

The joke amongst us was how often we'd see the "Ja Man" himself H.R. copping crack down the street at the local McDonald's. I wonder at what point The Holy Bible and Think & Grow Rich came into play??

Umlaut says: BUZZOV-EN!

March 11, 1993
(From the Umlaut Archives)

From Umlaut #8:

Neurosis / Melvins / Buzzov-en
Kennel Club, S.F. - May 7, 1993
Surprise! Melvins played unannounced to break in "another" bassist. I grinned. Buzzov-en's guitarist looked like Steve von Till's long lost brother. I gafawed. Steve Von Till rocked onstage. I smiled. On the way back to the car some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. Steve Von Till makes me chortle.

===
Submitted by Big Wayne and John Silence:

Wayne: I remember the scene turning into a skinhead fest during 86-88. The LA shows were possibly the most violent gatherings I've ever experienced much like the Circle Jerks show in San Jose (I'm sure John remembers this well).

John: I remember well the San Jose Circle Jerks show - the skinheads were trying to beat up a little punk kid who finally sought refuge behind the band on stage.

The few L.A. shows I went to, especially the one at Fenders policed by the L.A.D.S., were pretty scary too. I remember walking up (with Stikky and Wayne) and having some skinhead or Suicidal type do a double take at me and say loudly, "Look! A longhair! Looks like there's going to be a fight tonight!"

I emerged unscathed, but there were a few moments of knuckle-cracking questions like, "Where you from?" Fortunately, San Jose was too far away to be deemed a threat to their masculinity. Other people weren't quite so lucky that night.

Oh yeah, and a seeing D.I. in San Jose was pretty amusing. They stopped (I can't remember if it was in the middle of a song or between songs) and all stared at me, exclaiming in surprise, "A longhair!" I think that was the same show where somebody thought I was in Metallica.

Wayne: That guy finally got pinned by those guys and his face went instantly black from being hit so hard. Somehow he got out of the club and actually jumped into the back of a passing pickup truck.

They also hated Mark Tippin because he was one of those hippie peace punks. I think the only thing that saved us was that we knew Cholo and he kept them off us.

Umlaut says: When all of this was going on I was seeing R.E.M. and wearing sweaters.

===
Book Talk with Drunk Ted and Umlaut:

Drunk Ted: I've read Think And Grow Rich. Great book. It's not what you think it is. It's more "mystical" in a way, which fits in very well with the Bad Brains (they're kind of spacey, no?). The book was written in the 30's or 40's and this guy analyzed all this friends (Ford, Edison, Rockerfeller, etc...) who were rich and found out that they all had 14 characteristics in common (a "definite chief aim", "no fear of death", etc...). Some of the other laws of success are "cooperation" and "always do more than what is asked for" (I call it the "go to '11' law"). Great stories in there too.

Umlaut: I guess you can't tell a book by it's cover (HAHAHA)... but I wonder if H.R. applied those lessons to being a crack addict in Richmond, VA.

Drunk Ted: Ha Ha, somehow I doubt it. I think he ignored the lesson about making sure you have a clear head.

Factsheet 5

WHOA.. Here's a blast from the past: Factsheet Five is being resurrected! Click HERE to visit their site. Hopefully FS5 can find relevance in this age of blogs and RSS feeds; too bad they relocated from San Francisco to Virginia.

Man, talk about Memory Lane... FS5 gave Umlaut several great plugs back in the Cut 'N Paste / Glue Stick / Xerox Days. GOOD TIMES.

From Factsheet Five #54 (circa 1994)

D'ya know what I just did?? I put on a MELVINS CD for the first time in, like, forever. If I had to pick one band that defines those Cut 'N Paste Days for me it would be the Melvins. Listen to the song 'Zodiac' and that's what the Cut 'N Paste / Glue Stick / Xeroxed Umlaut would have sounded like... If it had been a song or something.

See if you can spot Umlaut's dear friends Jayne and Cammie in the Melvins' 1993 video for the song 'Lizzy' (Hint: Hammer and Chainsaw):



Good Times.

This post is dedicated to all my friends and acquaintances who read the old xeroxed Umlaut 'zine and who now read this silly blog. THANKS y'all... I'm glad we're all still here.

To quote the Jefferson Airplane: "What a long strange trip it's been.."... or was it Wavy Gravy who said that...? Hippie shit.

On the way back to the car......