Bar-B-Que

In my last couple of posts I said that I was burned out and jaded about most Metal bands... So, of course the logical thing to do was get on a plane to Texas to go see Metal bands... right?

Skeletonwitch / Withered / Trap Them / Landmine Marathon
Red 7, Austin, Texas
December 4, 2010

So it was get up at 4:00am… Drive to Oakland Airport for a 7:05am flight to Vegas to meet a 9:30am connecting flight to Austin. Land in Austin at around 2:30pm… METAL. Tonight’s show was the final night of the 15-city U.S. / Canadian “Skullsplitter Tour” and was also basically a Prosthetic Records showcase with 4 label mates sharing the bill on this Saturday night.

Landmine Marathon (Arizona): It's always interesting to follow a band closely and witness the moment when something finally clicks for them; a time in their career when a missing piece of their puzzle falls into place. No offense to their previous drummer at all (Hey Mike…) but Landmine's new drummer Andy is their missing piece. SOLID Metal drumming that focuses their chaotic Hardcore tendencies. The set was a tight blast furnace that lit up with 'Bile Towers' and scorched to a close with 'Rise With The Tide'. One of my favorite bands has stepped up their game and all I can say is "FUCK YEAH..." See? Good things DO happen to people who believe in blasphemy.

Trap Them (Washington State): Trap Them were a last minute addition to the show and they rolled onto the stage with their druggie Hardcore vibe that's as jarring as it can be entertaining. I'll be honest and say Trap Them are a band who tends to make me head to the bar for another round but, unless there's something else going on out front, I'll hang at the bar to watch them. Tonight I was going back and forth.

Withered (Georgia): Thankfully Withered left their smoke machines at home this time and let their sonic darkness do the talking. They were amazing... and the volume wall they built in this chilly Austin night was more profound in its simplicity than anything Roger Waters performing The Wall could do for me. Withered's new album Dualities is a magnificent beast that I've been having hand-to-hand combat with for the past couple of weeks. Seeing the new material presented live made it even better; bands like Withered who make me go straight into the darkness are my favorite ones... and I don't want a flashlight.

Skeletonwitch (Ohio): This was the best set that I've seen by the band and I’m still of the opinion that the opening riff to ‘Beyond The Permafrost’ is perfect. I don’t know if it was because it was the last night of the tour, but having a Metalhead transvestite in the front row must have been special for the band... 'cause who doesn't like Metal Trannies!? Whatever the case, it was a great set that reminded me how a Metal Scene really can be the same from city to city (in a good way). The crowd was into the Metal… The band was into the crowd… What else is there except the band selling more merch as a result in order to eat decently the next day? “Breathing The Fire” indeed…

Anyway, by definition I did travel to Austin to see some Metal bands… but it ended up being a little more than that for my head. Besides seeing the bands I also spent the afternoon and the night and the next morning hanging with old friends, band friends, and new friends… and it was cathartic for me. As I said in the beginning of this rant, I’ve been feeling burned out about most Metal bands recently. However, hanging out in Austin… eating BBQ… record shopping... and shooting the shit and trading war stories pre-show with friends in Casino over beers was good for the soul… and also provided the most symbolic moments of my Austin trip: The two times I brought up Metallica in a conversation a Metallica song started playing on the bar's jukebox; I shit you now. The Rock Godz work in mysterious ways. I think the lesson that I learned during my 24 hours in Texas was that you can’t escape your past… and sometimes that’s a good thing… and you should embrace it… and I will. A shout out to Umlaut Nation friends Landmine Marathon and to my Texas comrades Hard Rock Chick and Crawlspace Booking for the good times.

If you bought one of every Landmine Marathon merch item you would have paid around $120 (I think). On the way back to San Francisco, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag... which makes sense I guess. I went to Texas with 3 black t-shirts in my bag and I came back to San Francisco with 6 black t-shirts in my bag. How did that happen?

Cinco de Metal

Cannibal Corpse / 1349 / Skeletonwitch
Slim's, San Francisco
May 5, 2010


I know... The title of this post is way too obvious but what else do you expect on THE Hispanic day of the year? Plus, there's something ironic about seeing a group of drunk white guys wearing sombreros and fake moustaches waiting to get into a Metal show. Anyway, this was a rock solid bill on paper and it would have been hard for it to fail in real life. As I arrived at Slim's there was a parking spot on the street, but I noticed some shattered car window glass in the gutter. A voice in the back of my head told me not to park there, so I opted for the pay lot instead... and the lesson here is to listen to those voices in your head... but more on this later.

Slim's was jam packed sold out and you knew it was going to be a "good" night in that room because the floor was wet from condensation and spilled drinks. However, a bullet belt made out of small caliber bullets isn't really a bullet belt even when it's worn by a skinny girl.. I'm just saying.

Skeletonwitch: Skeletonwitch and Umlaut haven't been in the same room since they played a "secret" show at The Knockout on Mission Street back in, like, November 2008... so it's been awhile. I have to say 'Beyond The Permafrost' was the song highlight of the night for me; the song's intro plays to a Metal hungry crowd perfectly... and the guys from Ohio are a good example of a band of Road Dogs who have sharpened their craft through months of touring and drinking beer on and offstage. Chance was equally impressive working the crowd as he was chugging Budweisers onstage. Although Skeletonwitch were my favorite band of the night, I hate to say it, but watching Chance chug Budweisers was like watching a dude chug bottled water... but that's because Umlaut is a Beer Snob. In between bands I discovered that Ted of Death Angel knows me by name... Kill as one!

1349: 1349 and Umlaut haven't been in the same room since they opened for the mighty Celtic Frost at The Fillmore back in, like, October 2006... so it's been awhile. 1349 exudes that real deal Norwegian vibe but, let's be honest, if they were from Sacramento and came onstage dressed like that they'd be hilarious. However, since everyone knows all men in Norway wear corpse paint (and every woman in Norway is tall and blond) their vibe is legit. It was funny watching Frost set up his drums wearing his corpse paint and then Seidemann arrived onstage wearing a robe with the hood pulled over his corpse painted face and Ravn came onstage wearing the same vintage Celtic Frost shirt that he wore onstage in 2006 at The Fillmore. Like I said, if 1349 were from Sacramento the costumes would not be as effective.


Unfortunately, as I've said in this space before, Slim's has probably the worst sound of any venue in town because of the restriction they have on their volume levels; it's ridiculous. A show like this should have a volume level that you can feel in your clothes, but generally it's so low you can literally have a normal conversation with someone, especially at the back of the room. Archaon's guitar tone was lost in the ether most of the time, but the band's Norwegian Star Power carried the set. Yes, I couldn't put a title to any 1349 song if I heard it (Sorry.. just being honest..) but it's not often you get to see real life Norwegians up close on this side of the planet. The only real bummer during the set was Robb Flynn of Machine Head invading my personal space... but it was all good. Have you ever had Norwegian black licorice?? It's NASTY. In between bands, Machine Head bought me a beer.

Cannibal Corpse: Cannibal Corpse and Umlaut haven't been in the same room since the 48 Hours Of Mayhem last Summer since I missed their set at Scion Fest in March... so it's been awhile. As Cannibal Corpse took the stage I pulled out my camera and I had 666 shots left on the memory card... METAL! The last time that happened was at Tidal Wave 11. CC always bring it live but Pat was especially on fire with his lead work... and as he lit up the hot and sweaty crowd with his fretboard brutality I couldn't help thinking back on how cool he'd been to Photo Ray and I at Scion Fest. Also, the audience participation at Cannibal Corpse shows are always heartwarming reminders of how Metal can bring sweaty people together.


(Yes, I know... Umlaut needs a new camera.. one that does low light situations better, etc. etc.)

FYI: Umlaut is NOT going to be like everyone else and make a comment on the size of Corpsegrinder's neck or how much he headbangs onstage. Old news, kidz. Every Metalhead knows that Cannibal Corpse loves and respects the ladies... and it was fucking romantic when Corpsegrinder did the unexpected and dedicated 'Priests Of Sodom' to all the ladies in the room instead of 'Fucked With A Knife'. Do you hear that? That's the sound of the 6 or 7 females in the room swooning...

There was a Jello sighting (the first in awhile) and I also witnessed an awkward Machine Head sandwich; I felt kind of sorry for "the meat" in that sandwich, but it was special I guess. As I was leaving I stopped to say "Hey / Hi" to my old Metal brutha Gary Holt... who happens to be on the cover of the current issue of Decibel. You gotta support the locals, man... Always.

If you bought one of every Cannibal Corpse merch item you would have paid around $400. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called me a fag. As I said at the start of this rant, when I arrived at Slim's there was a parking spot on the street, but I noticed some shattered car window glass in the gutter. A voice in the back of my head told me not to park there, so I opted for the pay lot. After the show I noticed that the car that had taken that parking spot had its passenger side window smashed. Thank you Inner Voice! Wait... what are you saying now? Kill!? Kill who?? Oh..... Okay!!