BLACK METAL

BLACK METAL [click for MP3!]

Note: The MP3 contains naughty words and references to Satan. It made Umlaut laugh out loud.

"I'm down with the muthafucking Devil, Joe!"

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Umlaut and K.J. have been friends since before the dawn of Christianity. We fought the Metal Wars together, with K.J. in command of the Northwest Front while I was in the NorCal trenches. Epic times filled with adventure.. but we're all growed up now.

VENOM on TOUR
Submitted by K.J.

Ah, "Black Metal." I remember playing "Teacher's Pet" during Journalism class in high school and being reprimanded.

I also remember Slayer shirts outselling Venom shirts during their 1985 tour together (with Exodus opening), when I (and Tour Manager Doug) worked for Boutwell Enterprises as star merchandisers.

Venom. Horrible live band.

I remember when Tom Araya, in a fit of drunken wisdom, relieved himself on a sleeping Cronos. He was rewarded with some Newcastle-styled fisticuffs and a swollen black eye.

On Another Note: Click HERE to read K.J.'s recent Film Threat interview with Elijah "Frodo Baggins" Wood!

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Just when you thought it was safe to read Umlaut again... MORE Venom. "Lay down your soul to the Gods Rock 'N Roll... BLACK METAL..."

VENOM in RUSSIA
Submitted by Cammie

And speaking of Venom... My Venom memory comes from a drunken night in St. Petersburg, Russia with a bunch of Russian friends.

We saw a flier saying that they would be playing an outdoor show that night (!!!!) (In 1993!) and as we got drunk we kept saying "We've GOT to see Venom" but of course we got too drunk and remembered too late and we ran down to the place just as they were leaving the stage.

The whole rest of the night as we drank more, we kept saying "I can't believe we missed Venom!!"

It would have been awesome and bizarre to see them there. I mean, what the hell were they doing in Russia in 1993?

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Who could have guessed that Venom, of all things, would cause such a flurry of responses from the Umlaut Community?? Umlaut's Old Metal friend Micki shared the exciting sequel to his Maiden Brazil report...

VENOM in BRAZIL
Submitted by Micki

When Venom went to Brazil with Exciter in 1986 they were supposed to give autographs in a Metal specialized store called Woodstock.

The store is located on one side of a valley called Anhangabau (an Indian name which means "River of Evil" - how cool is that? P.S.: There is no river anymore, just the valley) and across the Valley there are the "Galleries", a kind of vertical mall with lots of smaller Metal stores (therefore, you can say that the places to buy Metal in Sao Paulo is on both sides of the "River of Evil"...).

Since Woodstock was THE place for the Metalheads to meet and hang out then, people would go to the Galleries and afterwards gather at Woodstock.

Knowing a lot of Metal kids would be around because of Venom and Exciter's autograph sessions, a bunch of Skinheads gathered around the Galleries to beat up the weaker (and smaller numbered) kids (If they are so brave, why didn't they go to Woodstock? You know the answer...).

When some of those kids started showing up at Woodstock, bloodied and bruised, Venom's Cronos and Exciter's Dan Beehler (the guys present at the autograph session) started asking why.

When they became aware of the reason, they left the place immediately and crossed the bridge over the valley (the "Tea Bridge", because it was made by the English) in order to beat up the Skinheads!

After that, who cares the concerts sucked? Those guys ARE METAL! Those guys RULE!

P.S.: The manager who brought them over to Brazil (a British guy whose company was called Red Door Productions) ran away with all the money the bands made in the four shows they played there! For some reason English robbers love Brazil. Ronald Biggs spent most of his fugitive life there...


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Now this Venom thread is just getting plain silly.. Umlaut and John Marshall have known each other at least 22 years. Old Metallica fans will remember John as a member of their original road crew (stage manager / guitar tech) and fill-in guitarist in 1986 and 1992 when Hetfield couldn't play guitar due to injuries. Metal fans will know him as guitarist for the Northwest's mighty Metal Church from 1987-93.

VENOM on TOUR with METALLICA
Submitted by John

OK, I guess I'll join the bandwagon and add my Venom memories.......

The first time Metallica went to Europe was in February of '84, for two weeks worth of gigs opening for Venom. It was the first time any of us had been outside the U.S. (except for Lars). It was crazy to see the response they got, since they had never been to any of these places. It was when I truly realized Metallica was headed for the stratosphere. (OK I'll admit these memories are more about Metallica, but Venom was there).

I remember one gig where the dressing room was downstairs underneath the stage. I think it was Zurich. As soon as Venom went onstage, a roar went up, and some INSANE amount of pyro went off...... and chunks of plaster started falling from the ceiling. I was out of there quick.

I don't remember if Venom really sucked onstage. It was fun to make fun of their evil names though. MANTAS! No, Jeffrey.

I remember sitting in a restaurant in Italy WAY past closing time while the chef and the waitress kept bringing us food. Cronos was there, trying to pick up on the waitress. She was older, maybe in her 40's (oh shit I'm OLD), and not bad looking. I'm pretty sure he failed. I think I bought a bottle of wine there, the kind with the straw basket around the bottle. Somehow I got it all the way home in my suitcase without breaking.

I remember getting to a gig at about 10 or 11 in the morning for load in. No one was there, so we went out and found a bar/restaurant and Cliff orders a dark, bitter beer and starts chugging it. I thought it was nasty. I guess I didn't know shit about good beer when I was 22. I think it was Guinness he was drinking. I was probably wishing for a Michelob or Bud Light or something.

The last gig of the two weeks was a festival with about 6 or 8 bands. Venom went on last, Metallica supported. I think there were about 6,000 people there, probably the biggest gig by far they had ever played. When Metallica took the stage, the crowd roar LITERALLY sent chills up my spine. I couldn't imagine what it was like to be in the band. It was WAY cool. There's a photo from that era with the four guys in the dressing room in their underwear. You can see the bottom of Kirk's white socks, all dark and dirty because he probably hadn't done any laundry in a month or so. That photo was taken at this gig. Don't ask me how or why I remember that.

Good Times.

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Rich Hellhound and Umlaut were shoulder-to-shoulder in the NorCal Metal battles back in The Day. I think we also had Drivers Ed and Algebra together as well.

VENOM in SAN FRANCISCO
Submitted by Rich Hellhound

When I saw Venom at the Kabuki Theater in S.F. (with Slayer in '84?), there were a couple of Skinheads harassing Metalheads in the underground parking lot after the show. They were stereotype 'Skins; no shirts, suspenders, Doc Martens, etc., and one was trying to arrange a fight between his buddy (who stood in classic boxer pose, and never said anything) and whichever passing Metalhead would accept the challenge. The "sales pitch" was pretty amusing; it went something like "Just you and him, one on one," repeated over and over. In fact, I think that's literally all the guy said.

Granted my friends and I only paused for a moment to watch one of the exchanges, but I never actually saw a fight. They were still attempting to start something as we drove away. I remember wondering at the time if it wasn't all planned (Skinhead One: "Hey, there's a Metal show at the Kabuki." Skinhead Two: "Cool, let's hang out in the parking lot after the show lets out, and kick some Dirt Head ass!").

Perhaps (and this is a far more interesting theory), there is some sort of cosmic connection between Venom and Skinheads; an ancient, eternal battle that has raged for centuries. For surely the Black Metal Gods must have their adversaries, and would not this nemesis be the polar opposite of the mighty, long-haired warriors?

Oh, and Venom did suck live. I remember being pissed at how Cronos "altered" Countess Bathory (my fave Venom song at the time), so he could sing and play it at the same time. Most of the time he was singing, he wasn't really even playing (just holding chords, as if it were a guitar). Cronos was being spit on repeatedly, and at one point yelled at the crowd, "See that lighting rig up there? If you don't stop spitting it's coming right down on your fucking heads!" I also remember Mantas' lame Karate kicks at the end of the show.

Venom really did suck live..
(From the Umlaut Archives)

Maiden Brazil

Several years back Umlaut was working for an entertainment company far, far away. There was a summit meeting of all the company's international reps from around the globe. One of the reps Umlaut was introduced to was a guy named Micki, who was the company's rep in Brazil.

That evening there was a business dinner on the company dime at a hoity toity restaurant. Everyone was dressed in suits and it was all very "professional". Since we had met earlier in the day, Micki and I sat next to each other at one of the tables. Both of us ordered steaks. When they arrived I asked him how his was cooked. Without any hesitation he answered "Well done.. like out of the flames of Hell.."

Under the circumstances (fancy restaurant, suits, business talk, etc.) his answer caught me COMPLETELY off guard since it was the type of answer I would have given "outside" of work. So we started talking.. and music came up.. and then METAL.

To make a long story short: It turned out we were like twin sons of different mothers (or I should say "muthas"). While I had been a teenage 80's Metalhead in the S.F. Bay Area, Micki had been a teenage 80's Metalhead in Brazil. While I had written for Metal publications in the States, Micki had written for Metal publications in Brazil and England. Where I knew Metallica when they were an unknown band, Micki knew Sepultura when they were an unknown band. Also, we both have Blackfoot albums on vinyl. Fate (Mercyful) had led us to that moment and we've been friends ever since. Brothers (or I should say "Bruthas") in Metal.

Neither of us are involved with that entertainment company far, far away any longer. Micki returned to writing and is currently the N.Y. correspondent for the Brazilian music magazine Dynamite [click for link].

Old Metal Trivia: Dynamite was started by one of the original partners of the legendary concert club The Dynamo [click for link] in Holland. The Dynamo was the CBGB's of European Metal in the 80's. Old Metalheads like me smile whenever we hear that name, eventhough very few of us ever saw a show there.

Autographed poster from Raven @ The Dynamo - 1982
(From the Umlaut Archives)

As a prequel to Umlaut's upcoming epic Iron Maiden OzzFest posting, I asked my Metal Brutha for his Maiden memories.

"Summon Wrathchild..."

MAIDEN BRAZIL
Submitted by Micki

Of course those below aren't the only times Iron Maiden played 'terra brasilis' (their penultimate performance there begot the CD and DVD Live In Rock In Rio III), but since Umlaut asked me for some "Maiden memories containing curious facts" those were the ones I could remember.

MAIDEN IN BRAZIL - 1985: My first memory of Maiden in Brazil is - of course - the first time they went down there. It was January 1985 and the "gig" was Rock In Rio I (to which also went Ozzy, Scorpions, AC/DC, Whitesnake and Queen).

Unfortunately, Iron Maiden was the only band that could play just once (all the others played twice) due to the gigantic World Slavery Tour schedule (they actually got a hole within their American dates, went to Brazil and then returned to the US again). Therefore the set was basically the same we can hear on Live After Death.


The first curious thing about that show was that although Maiden was playing after Whitesnake, they were opening for Queen! But you know what? At least they were luckier than Ozzy, who played five days later after local bands and opened for Rod Stewart (No, it wasn't a typo)!

The second curious thing that happened was that the big Eddie (the mummy bust that comes out of the sarcophagus) was "retained" at customs for some reason, thus only the small Eddie (the walking mummy) could perform at the concert. So far so good.

But the third curious thing - and the most interesting one (at least concerning its repercussions) was that during one of the songs (Revelations), Bruce Dickinson threw the guitar he plays (on the intro of that song) to the air, but when it came back down it hit him on the forehead thus opening a gash above his right eyebrow.

Like nothing had happened (aka professionalism), he continued the show and so did the blood - running down his face. The TV journalists discussed endlessly whether it was part of the concert ("Barbarians!", one said) or an accident.

But four days later, when Rudolph Schenker (the Scorpions rhythm guitarist) threw his Flying V to the air (Flying V indeed!) and it came back down hitting him on the forehead opening a gash above his right eyebrow, the TV journalists discussion was back and finally over - they assumed it was a "Heavy Metal tradition" ("Barbarians...")!

MAIDEN IN BRAZIL - 1996: Another curious thing that happened regarding Maiden in Brazil was in 1996 during the Phillips Monsters of Rock Festival (with Blaze Bailey), which featured (in decreasing order of appearance) Iron Maiden (UK), Skid Row (US), Motörhead (UK), Biohazard (US), Raimundos (Brazil), Helloween (Germany), Mercyful Fate (Denmark), King Diamond (Denmark) and Heroes Del Silencio (Spain).

Besides the double performance of Danish vocalist King Diamond (first with his solo band and then with his original band Mercyful Fate) on the same day and subsequently, the thing that was most outstanding in the bill was Skid Row between Motörhead and Iron Maiden (before you ask the Brazilian band Raimundos is indeed more popular than the bands that played before them and could easily play after Biohazard - and I still ask myself why they didn't).

I mean, Motörhead is too loud and heavy to be followed by such a band as Skid Row, especially when the audience will be dying to see Iron Maiden... And what happened was a total massacre - vocalist Sebastian Bach was showered with paper cups, spits and bad words no matter how hard he headbanged and how fast the band played - and boy, they tried!

It was a shame, because the band is good within its environment and their previous shows in the country were extremely successful (But again - they had been billed right...), but being sandwiched by Motörhead (whose fans hate "Hair Metal") and Iron Maiden (whose fans can't wait to see and you have to be very powerful in order to catch their attention and soothe their anticipation) wasn't a good idea - at all.

Thus comes the "Tale of Saint Steve".

The show was over. Maiden had killed as always. The city (São Paulo) was quiet. It was late at night and Mr. Harris woke up to have a glass of water.

Looking outside the window of the Maksoud Plaza Hotel he had a vision... (This hotel has a huge parking space between the entrance and the street therefore who is inside the hotel is able to see everything that goes on on the street). Well, what Steve saw was a bunch of Iron Maiden fans spending the night on the street in order to try to get autographs in the morning, when the band would be heading to the airport.

Touched by the effort by those brave Brazilian fans, "Saint Steve" got dressed and went down there in order to compliment those courageous Maiden-heads, who got their autographs, pictures and handshakes more easily than they could ever imagine they would!

On his way back to his room, Mr. Harris spotted a familiar young man crying at the bar. His self-confidence was shattered and his morale deepened in mud. So once again "Saint Steve" decided to interfere thus spending more of his sleeping time helping those who needed him.

And it worked.

After some pep-talking from the "holy bass player", Sebastian Bach could finally get back to his room and sleep...

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P.S. from Umlaut: Powerslave Tour 1985 (aka The Egyptian-themed tour)

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ADDENDUM

Lauraloha, Umlaut's Maui Correspondent, reports:

"Speaking of Iron Maiden, Dave Murray lives down the street on a golf course in Wailea. He is spotted in line at the local movie theatre now and again and is written about in the local social column. Although, I doubt any of the Wailea cronies have ever heard of Iron Maiden, let alone seen Dave off the golf course and in spandex."