Not Punk

So Umlaut saw the new Punk documentary American Hardcore. A review in two words: No DK's??

In the early-80's Umlaut was all about underground Metal (Metallica, Slayer, Mercyful Fate, Venom, Exodus, etc) but, thanks to Big Wayne, I did experience the death throws of that original Hardcore scene. However, I cannot claim to ever being a "Punk"... mainly because I like guitar solos.

In the movie the Bad Brains say they were inspired by two books: The Bible (Errr, so was Jesus the original Punk? Discuss amongst yourselves..) and Napoleon Hill'’s Think and Grow Rich.

Uhh, Napoleon Hill??! WTF!!?

Back in the mid-80's I worked at a bookstore and do you know who read Napoleon Hill? Yuppie Fucks. THAT was the literary road map for the Godfathers of D.C. Hardcore?? Uhh, ooookaaay.....

All I gotta say is the Bitter Old Punks complaining about Hot Topic, etc. have no one to blame but themselves. All they gotta do is look at the reading list of some of their Punk Godz.

Gimme METAL and H.P. Lovecraft any day as I await the release of a documentary that will tell *my* story.

On another note, doesn't the existence of Hot Topic mean that perhaps "Punk" actually won "The War"?

In the film one of the Bitter Old Punks admits they never really expected to change the government. If that's the case, then does it mean nothing that "Punk" did at least change popular culture's design sense? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Gimme Gimme Gimme.

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Submitted by Dave:

In 1993 I moved to Richmond, VA and "settled into a squat" off Broad Street in downtown Richmond ("Da Hood") with old friends Buzzov-en.

The joke amongst us was how often we'd see the "Ja Man" himself H.R. copping crack down the street at the local McDonald's. I wonder at what point The Holy Bible and Think & Grow Rich came into play??

Umlaut says: BUZZOV-EN!

March 11, 1993
(From the Umlaut Archives)

From Umlaut #8:

Neurosis / Melvins / Buzzov-en
Kennel Club, S.F. - May 7, 1993
Surprise! Melvins played unannounced to break in "another" bassist. I grinned. Buzzov-en's guitarist looked like Steve von Till's long lost brother. I gafawed. Steve Von Till rocked onstage. I smiled. On the way back to the car some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. Steve Von Till makes me chortle.

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Submitted by Big Wayne and John Silence:

Wayne: I remember the scene turning into a skinhead fest during 86-88. The LA shows were possibly the most violent gatherings I've ever experienced much like the Circle Jerks show in San Jose (I'm sure John remembers this well).

John: I remember well the San Jose Circle Jerks show - the skinheads were trying to beat up a little punk kid who finally sought refuge behind the band on stage.

The few L.A. shows I went to, especially the one at Fenders policed by the L.A.D.S., were pretty scary too. I remember walking up (with Stikky and Wayne) and having some skinhead or Suicidal type do a double take at me and say loudly, "Look! A longhair! Looks like there's going to be a fight tonight!"

I emerged unscathed, but there were a few moments of knuckle-cracking questions like, "Where you from?" Fortunately, San Jose was too far away to be deemed a threat to their masculinity. Other people weren't quite so lucky that night.

Oh yeah, and a seeing D.I. in San Jose was pretty amusing. They stopped (I can't remember if it was in the middle of a song or between songs) and all stared at me, exclaiming in surprise, "A longhair!" I think that was the same show where somebody thought I was in Metallica.

Wayne: That guy finally got pinned by those guys and his face went instantly black from being hit so hard. Somehow he got out of the club and actually jumped into the back of a passing pickup truck.

They also hated Mark Tippin because he was one of those hippie peace punks. I think the only thing that saved us was that we knew Cholo and he kept them off us.

Umlaut says: When all of this was going on I was seeing R.E.M. and wearing sweaters.

===
Book Talk with Drunk Ted and Umlaut:

Drunk Ted: I've read Think And Grow Rich. Great book. It's not what you think it is. It's more "mystical" in a way, which fits in very well with the Bad Brains (they're kind of spacey, no?). The book was written in the 30's or 40's and this guy analyzed all this friends (Ford, Edison, Rockerfeller, etc...) who were rich and found out that they all had 14 characteristics in common (a "definite chief aim", "no fear of death", etc...). Some of the other laws of success are "cooperation" and "always do more than what is asked for" (I call it the "go to '11' law"). Great stories in there too.

Umlaut: I guess you can't tell a book by it's cover (HAHAHA)... but I wonder if H.R. applied those lessons to being a crack addict in Richmond, VA.

Drunk Ted: Ha Ha, somehow I doubt it. I think he ignored the lesson about making sure you have a clear head.

Random Rock Star Moment #13: David Johansen

A couple of weeks ago, Umlaut spent some quality hangout time with old friend Drunk Ted down in lovely San Diego. This weekend, as they have MANY times in the past, the Rock Godz again rewarded Drunk Ted for his blind obedience to them:

===
Talk about being in the right place at the right time! Last night me & Amy went out to Chevy's for Happy Hour. Had a couple margaritas. Then went to Borders Books and killed a couple hours there. We wanted to "sober up" so we could have a martini at this other place nearby. So we go down there, and it's PACKED! No way we're getting in. Normally at this place, there is no one there! Then again, it was only about 8pm and we normally show up there around 11pm.

So where are we going to go? I mentioned the DoubleTree Hotel, my favorite local hangout. I went there last week, but Amy didn't go, so we decided to go this week so Amy can say "Hi" to my favorite bartender and we can get a martini.

So we show up. The bar is dead. One or two people in it. Cool! The whole bar to ourselves. Our normal bartender isn't there, so we just start talking to this new one. She asks us if we're going to the Street Scene which was happening yesterday and today just 2 miles away at Qualcomm Stadium. We're like "No, the only band we want to see are the New York Dolls and they're playing tomorrow, but we're not going to pay $75 to be stuck in a crowd just to see one band".

A couple of drinks later, the bar is completely empty. Everyone's at the Street Scene. I hear this scruffy, haggard voice next to me ask the bartender if he can get a couple cups of coffee. I'm thinking to myself, "Man, this guy is hardcore." Who was this who just wondered off the street?

As I turn to get a look at the guy, Amy wacks me in the arm, and I notice right as I turned my head... it's DAVID FUCKING JOHANSEN!!! Holy shit! Holy shit!

So we start talking, saying "Yeah, we saw you guys at the House Of Blues a few months ago and had a great time." He asked us if we got the new album yet and I said, "Yeah, got two (one for me & one for Amy) copies from Tower.com because they were autographed!". He asked us if we heard it ("Not yet. Just came in the mail, actually") and if we were going to the show tomorrow ("Nah, don't want to pay the $75 just for one band". David goes "Is that how much it is? Man!"), and if we heard any of the new album on the radio. Amy said the only radio show she listens to is Steve Jones' show.

David goes "You can get that down here?" She said, "No, I get it on the internet." I said "I don't listen to normal radio. I got Sirius, so when I listen to music it's 'Little Steven's Underground' channel". David says "I got a show on there! I'm on the air right now, actually" We joked around about "How is that possible?!?!"

We bought David his coffees (he was hanging out outside, in the dark, by the pool with his girl) and he asked us our names and shook our hands saying "I'll be seeing you around later."

Man, this was such a fucking big thrill! The only thing that even comes close is meeting Gene Simmons at the Comic-Con about 4 years ago. Just wish I had my camera. And that I wasn't so tongue-tied. It was quite the unexpected shock!

We both were kind of fixated on his jean jacket and the Hershey's chocolate bar that was sticking out of the pocket. Neither the bartender nor the waitress knew who he was (though they claimed to be rockers). So we had to explain to them that if it wasn't for the New York Dolls, there would be no KISS, Motley Crue, or Guns & Roses (the bartender's favorite band!). On the way back to the car, some pimplyfaced teenagers called us fags.

Drunk Ted
San Diego, California

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Click HERE to relive Umlaut's Rocktober 2004 that included the New York Dolls.

"TRASH! DON'T PICK IT UP!!"

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Part Two

Grunge Lives In Our Hearts: The exciting sequel to Smells Like Teen Spirit - Part One!!

Submitted by Drunk Ted:

I did get to meet Kurt Cobain several times during the next few years. He would be at every single Mudhoney show in L.A. from '91-'92. And by then I was writing for Flipside, so I was "cool" enough to sneak backstage. The first time I met him, it was backstage at the Palace. I just found out earlier that day that Al wanted me to write a regular column for Flipside. A long time dream of mine, but I kept my cool when I found out. I was still going to San Diego on most weekends, so I would try and get my friends gigs for shows up in L.A. at Al's Bar and Raji's. I made fliers for a Drip Tank show at Al's Bar which featured a Calvin & Hobbes strip, and brought them to the show. I didn't want to waste them, so I only gave them to people I knew would be in town and would probably like them. L.A. is a really snobby place. And everyone has an agenda.

This couple had just walked in to Mudhoney's dressing room where everyone was hanging out. They looked like Kurt and Courtney, but you couldn't really tell. I mean, the guy was wearing a homemade shirt and wasn't really talking to anyone. The girl was all over the place, talking loudly and smoking. I'm thinking to myself, "No, that can't be them. First of all, the guy is wearing a really bad imitation of what Kurt wore on SNL a few months back, and Courtney is pregnant, so there's no way she'd be smoking."

I walked up to them and said "Hey, are you going to be in town next week? My friends' band, Drip Tank, is playing Al's Bar and they're really good." They said "No" but the guy took the flier anyways, examining it. I started a conversation with him, but it was really hard. Every time I asked the guy a question, the girl would butt in and be really loud. It was one of those conversations we were all kind of trapped in, but no one could get out of.

I knew they knew Mudhoney and there was going to be a big party at their hotel room, but I was alone and didn't really want to show up alone to a party where I didn't really know anyone. Matt Lukin was giving directions, and I asked "Kurt" and "Courtney" if they needed a ride. Surely, if I showed up with them, I could party a bit more (with Mudhoney!) and see if these people were really "Kurt" and "Courtney". By this time, everyone had cleared out, except for me, Kurt, & Courtney. They said they were going to take a cab to the party, and I'm going "Are you sure? Cabs cost money!" Kurt replied "We like cabs.". My chances to going to the after party were diminishing, and I knew it. I said "Nice talking to you two" and left.

While walking up the stairs to leave, I heard the girl loudly berating the guy. I couldn't really hear what they were saying, but it may have been something like "He was nice! Why couldn't you be a little more sociable?!?!". A few seconds later, someone ran up the stairs after me. Kurt held out his hand and said "Hey, my name's Kurt". I shook his hand and said "I know. My name's Ted. It was nice to meet you." They walked out after me to an empty street and hopped into a cab. I went home and called up Drip Tank to say that "I fliered Kurt Cobain for you guys!".

In retrospect, it would've been pretty embarassing for them to be in my car. I had just gotten it and put a bunch of stickers on it: "Sub Pop", "Black Flag", and "Nirvana". It was a new car too and they looked totally out of place. No wonder it was broken into 6 times in as many months until I took the stickers off.

I met, or should I say, ran into Kurt & Courtney quite a few times after that. Since Kurt was not at all sociable, Nirvana was at the top of the charts, I never really bothered him after that. Even when I had my full fledged Flipside credentials and they were name dropping Flipside and Maximum Rockandroll in almost every interview, I wouldn't go up and say "hi" to him. I actually felt sorry for Kurt. He really did seem tortured. Or maybe just bothered. Most likely depressed. And he talked so softly, that you could barely hear him.

I snuck backstage at the Sonic Youth / Mudhoney show at Castaic Lake. I was being introduced to Courtney (again) by Cake from Flipside. Courtney introduced herself to me as "GG Love" and was kind of messed up. Kurt was holding a guitar, getting ready to do a surprise solo acoustic number or two. Whenever someone would even look at him, he would just turn away with his guitar, tuning it or going over the song he was going to do ('Where Did You Sleep Last Night'). I didn't want to miss this, so I left the confines of the backstage area and went out to see him play. Security would not let me back in.

I have met Chris (now Krist) several times, but never Dave. This is despite seeing the Foo Fighters open up for Beck and Possum Dixon at Spaceland for their first L.A. appearance. I was in the front row there and got some great photos of Dave and his embroidered Guinness shirt.

I saved Courtney's ass once! This is my favorite story!

It was the Supersuckers, Claw Hammer and Mudhoney at the Hollywood Palladium. Me and about 10 other people were sitting on the side of the stage watching Claw Hammer rock out. I was sitting about 3 feet away from someone probably famous (a girl in Hole? An actress? Hell, I don't know, EVERYONE is somebody in L.A.) and there were about 10 people behind us. Someone had spilled a beer, which is why there was no one sitting in between me and that other girl.

Courtney comes over starts talking excitedly (everything she did was "excitedly") to the girl. Courtney was just about to sit in the beer. She was on her feet, knees bent, straddling over the spilt beer, teetering over whether to stay and chat or get back up. I could see it. Everyone behind me could see it. I could just tell that everyone was waiting for her to sit her ass down in the spilt beer so they could laugh at her. I didn't have the heart to let that happen, so I tapped her on her back. No answer. Tapped again. She slapped my hand away. Tapped again, she did it again only way harder. I looked to the people behind me and shrugged and said to myself "Oh well, at least I tried. I'm not going to try again if she's going to be like that."

So about another minute or so of her rocking back and forth, deciding on whether she's going to sit or not, she turns to me and screams "WHAT!??!?!" I pointed to the beer that was about 3 inches away from her butt and said "I didn't want you to sit in that." She was kind of embarrassed and said "Oh! Thank you!".

And that is how I saved Courtney's ass!

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Part One

Umlaut Note: I met Drunk Ted in the early-90's when he wrote for the legendary Flipside magazine. Although we met via Grunge, we also share Old Metal Roots. HAIL-S8-10!

Submitted by Drunk Ted:

click for larger image

Nirvana was playing at the Roxy on a Friday night. I knew it was sold out. Most shows of up and coming bands who just signed to a major label were sold out. Usually the label would buy up all the tickets and give them out to ensure a sold out house. I just didn't want to be bothered trying to weasel a ticket from someone. I wasn't writing for Flipside just yet, so it would've been even harder to do so. And truth be told, Nirvana was so good at the Casbah about a year earlier, that I just didn't want anything to mar my memories of that show. So I didn't even try to get in and went down the street to Raji's to see the Muffs (I'm pretty sure it was them. Maybe it was the Lazy Cowgirls. Or Claw Hammer. Or any combination of the three.).

While I was waiting in line to get inside after going to my car for a quick swig of vodka, a friend who just got back from the Roxy came up to me and gave me a flier for a Nirvana video shoot the next day and said that they really need people to be there. Turns out the video shoot was just 2 miles away from me (at Culver City Studios, not Fairfax High School like everyone says it was. I think the scenes of the janitor were shot at the school, but that's it.) So the next morning, I decided to go down with my friend, Raidy, who I believe used to be in Verbal Abuse.

Nirvana was fairly big back then. I mean, they could probably sell out Raji's or the Roxy on their own, but they still were just a club band. The flier told us not to wear any clothing that had "logos" or "band names" on them and to just wear what you would've worn in high school. I can't remember what I wore, but I think it was my Sub Pop "Loser" t-shirt, probably a big no-no considering they were filming a video for a Geffen release and Nirvana kind of left them on bad terms. Whatever I wore, it didn't fit the guidelines.

We were kind of separated into two groups. Three, if you count the band. There was the group who were to be in the bleachers who either won a radio contest or had the connections to be there, and then there was the rest of us, who were just grouped to be next to the bleachers, standing to the side. The band was sectioned off by the basketball net. I thought it was unusual the band was so separated from everyone else. You weren't even allowed to go talk to them. That was very weird considering that they just weren't that big of a band! Why all the security?! Kurt mostly kept to himself behind the line. No one was really talking to him. Nor did it seem he wanted to talk to anyone. Dave (the new guy) was mostly hanging out by his drums, and Chris would occasionally walk around and talk to people. In fact I totally blew it in front of him.

While walking up to try and meet Kurt, I overheard two people talking behind me. One of them was saying "I can't believe there's a video shoot going on!" I turned around and said really sarcastically "Yeah, man, they just sold out so they could make a ton of money." One of the people turned out to be Chris who got extremely bummed out and said to me "Oh man, do you really believe that?" Not really, but I knew that they should film a video in order to at least get more exposure. I felt really embarrassed and disappointed with myself that I really bummed Chris out. I think I kind of stuttered "Well, the label does want to make sure they can maybe sell some records.". Keep in mind that I think there is nothing wrong with "selling records". I have no problem with that, as long as you can keep writing good songs. But my sarcasm was lost on Chris and his friend. And my delivery stank.

The conditions were horrible. All that smoke you see in the video? It wasn't smoke. More like chalk dust to show up for the cameras better. I can't stand cigarette smoke and this was worse. It was incredibly hard to breathe there. And the song was "ok", but nothing special. They had it coming out of one speaker that was placed on the right side of the basketball court. It was incredibly muddy. Imagine taking a 10th generation cassette copy of the song, putting it on "mono", with the bass turned all the way up and no treble. That's what my first half dozen times of hearing 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' sounded like. The whole time I'm thinking, "They're doing a video for this song?!?!" It wasn't until a couple weeks later when I heard KROQ playing 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' by "this new band called "Nirvana" that I "got it". Oh yeah, this sounds SO much better!

There was a ton of waiting around too. Too much waiting around. When they were ready to shoot, we were directed to stand around and watch and look bored. Then as the chorus and comes up, we were to get "really into it". We were also told to not directly look at the camera. Having only been living in LA for a few months and not being used to being around cameras, I couldn't help myself but look directly at the camera as they were passing it around us. I had my glasses on and as the song got to the part where people were to get "really into it", this guy jumped off the bleachers and landed right on my head, almost breaking my glasses.

By then I was so fed up with the conditions, the waiting, the people almost breaking my glasses (and maybe even my neck), I mostly hung out in the back of the crowd until lunchtime. Right before lunch, we did one last take, and everyone just charged the band. That was pretty funny. I don't remember being directed to do it, but when people rushed the band, I was wondering if I missed some direction or something. I got in there a bit, but kind of late. Then again, I was really self conscious and feeling "unhip", so I didn't really even try to get in the frames more.


A few months ago, I bought the Making Of Nevermind DVD and went through 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' frame by frame, but couldn't see myself in it at all. I can understand why though. I wore a shirt with a logo on it, I was looking directly at the camera, and had my glasses on. Three no-nos, I'm sure. That guy jumping off the bleachers? That was probably my head he landed on. I don't remember anyone else diving off the bleachers except that one time. I think they did a few more shots after lunch, but the conditions, the waiting, and the rude security guards were just too much. We waited until they fed us (sandwiches & chips; we were singing "Hold the mayo, and the tomatoes" to the chorus of 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'), ate, said "Fuck it", then left for home. All the time not having a clue as to just how big this video would become and how important Nirvana would be. I really don't think anyone did.

Click HERE for Smells Like Teen Spirit - Part Two: Drunk Ted meets Kurt Cobain AND saves Courtney Love's ass!

1986 Revisited

May 1986... The heavy hitters of 80's "Alternative" Rock certainly came through The Fillmore.. Especially on the 3rd, 10th, and 29th.

(From the Timo Archives)

A year earlier Umlaut was still into Metal. It's weird how a year can sometimes change everything. In 1986 I went back to college to give it "another go" (as The Brits say), and I soon fell in with a whole new group of Music Geeks.. and this is where my head was at: 80's Indie / College / Rockabilly / Alternative guitar stuff. I saw Bob Dylan and Neil Young for the first times that year too.

My most vivid memory from that year seems to be seeing Camper Van Beethoven at some weird, short-lived club next door to a movie theater in a San Jose strip mall. I don't remember the name of the place, but the space literally looked like someone's living room with the band set up on the floor in front of a fireplace.

I was sick and had taken NyQuil or some other cold remedy... Of course, I did the smart thing (since I had gone back to college) and got a pint of beer at the bar. When the show began my head was spinning like a hippie chick at a Dead show from the cold remedy and alcohol. I ended up sitting in the middle of the floor and watched peoples' feet as Camper played 'Sad Lovers Waltz'. Whenever I hear that song now it takes me right back to that floor and that moment.

I was WAY into Lone Justice in 1986 too (Lone Justice w/ Steve Earle = Fookin' gleat..). Good times.

Anyway, now all of Umlaut's Old Metal bruthas and sistahs know where I was after I disappeared from the S.F. Metal Scene.....

BUT here's something else you didn't know: In March 1985 I COMPLETELY betrayed Metal and saw Prince on the Purple Rain Tour! (cue stunned silence.....)

I could blame it on the girl who asked me to go, but no one forced me.. The things you will do for chicks when you're young... Prince played 6 sold out shows at the Cow Palace. In hindsight, I'm glad I saw that concert.. Tics were only $17.50 too. "Wear Purple" (I didn't).

Two weeks later I was seeing Metallica / Armored Saint again as if nothing had happened. And a week after that I was seeing Iron Maiden again as if nothing had happened!

I looked all of my Metal friends in the eyes (including Cliff Burton) and they suspected NOTHING. I was a fucking poser in their midst! HA!!! So now you know. Shocking, innit?!

"Two thousand zero zero party over, ooops out of time.."

"Fight fire with fire, we all shall die..."

"Two minutes to midnight, the hands that threaten doom..."

Postscript: If anyone taped the 2004 VH1 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony let me know. I need Prince performing 'While My Guitar Gently Weeps' with Jeff Lynne, Tom Petty, and George Harrison's son Dhani. His guitar solo was fucking GREAT. I shit you not.


===
John and Umlaut have known each other over 20 years... Old Metal Bruthas... or so I always thought!!! Who knew that back in 1985, when John was a member of the Metallica road crew and Umlaut was a Metal "journalist" / geek, that we shared a poser secret involving Prince... FAWKIN' HILARIOUS!!

JOHN MARSHALL: I too must profess that at one time I had a (semi) secret admiration for Prince. I think he's a fantastic songwriter, a great performer and all around great musician. I've seen Purple Rain more than once. I don't remember when or how I got exposed to Prince, but there was a time when I didn't like him. We used to call him "Prance" just to make fun of him in a Heavy Metal sort of way. He had all those extravagant costumes, spiked high heels, and chicks dug him. Something changed, though, when I heard Purple Rain -- it's just a great album. I lost interest again after Purple Rain, but for a while I was WAY into it.

Anyway, in 1985 I was actually able to go to the First Avenue Club (where Purple Rain was filmed) in Minneapolis, when Metallica played there on the Ride The Lightning Tour. It was pretty cool, to walk through the club and recognize the balconies and the stage from the movie! (The dressing rooms were a different story-- these tiny little boxes were NOT the dressing rooms from the movie). It was a small, but significant "geek" moment for me......much like playing Hammersmith Odeon in London or Red Rocks in Denver.

Thought for the day: Remember when Prince was the weirdo and Michael Jackson was the genius?

UMLAUT: On the way back to the 21st Century, some pimply-faced Metalheads called John and I fags.

"This is what it sounds like when doves cry.."

"Die by my hand, I creep across the land..."

DRUNK TED: I'm sure you've heard all the stories about Prince being a prick in person though. Kevin Smith has a great one on his spoken word DVD.

At this Irish Pub I go to, there's this guy who does lights for bands. He was hired to go on tour with Prince. At the beginning of the tour, he was told under no uncertain terms that he was not to talk to Prince. At all. Well first day of work, he was walking down a small backstage corridor and Prince was coming the other way with his entourage. The lighting guy moved out of the way and said "Excuse me.". A few hours later, he was fired for "talking" to Prince!!!

Oh, may I be the thousandth person to call you a "fag". Ha ha!

JOHN MARSHALL: Yeah, I've heard about Prince's attitude problem. Being in the guitar amp business, I heard a story once that His Holiness had received a sweet, brand new purple leather (natch! to quote Umlaut) guitar amp.

After a short while, it came back thrashed all to Hell, with holes in the speaker grille that looked suspiciously like they had been made by a spiked high heel. I guess the amp had a problem with a tube (as tube amps sometimes do), and he let fly with the kung fu dance moves.

Needless to say, I don't think he uses that brand of guitar amps anymore.

Prince Who?

RICH LAMINATE: I remember Gary and Rick from Exodus telling me they had been to see Prince on the Purple Rain tour and said he was simply ridiculously talented. There must have been some purple stuff in the water in S.F..

I used to be pretty good friends with Price's security guy. We were telling funny tour stories one day when he advised me that Prince would not sleep in a hotel bed, so he had a truck that used to carry his bed / mattress and crew guys who would go to each hotel and set up Prince's sleeping goodies....

He also confirms Drunk Ted's story about talking to Prince. It does go even further: Prince did not like anyone looking at him. I, of course, asked the question about what one would do if stuck in an elevator with his Royal Majesty and the answer was very matter of fact. If you were in his employ, you would be obligated to turn and stare at the wall..... Whatever floats your boat....

20+ Years of February 1st

Tour Manager Doug ("TMD") and Umlaut have been friends since before the dawn of Christianity. He roams the Earth enabling Rock Stars to be Rock Stars. Umlaut lives vicariously through his Lock 'N Loll lifestyle and wants to write TMD's memoirs.

Submitted by TMD:

20+ YEARS ON TOUR ON FEBRUARY 1st:

21 years ago this past week we all saw Slayer open for Laaz Rockit at the Keystone Berkeley and then with Exodus at Ruthies' Inn and Wolfgang's.

• 2/1/83 - Living in Cloverdale, CA - Working at Shop n' Save.
• 2/1/84 - Slayer / Laaz Rockit was 4 days ago - This is where it all starts.
• 2/1/85 - Cotati, CA - Veteran's Building - Laaz Rockit +2
• 2/1/86 - San Diego, CA - Adams Ave Theater - Slayer / D.R.I. / Bloodcum / Legion / Rigor Mortis
• 2/1/87 - Saw Paul Dianno's Battlezone a couple of days ago at Jezebel's in Anaheim. Trevor and I singlehandedly kept the opening act from doing their encore.
• 2/1/88 - Off day in Charlotteville, VA on the Game Theory tour
• 2/1/89 - Windsor, Ontario - California Club - A Flock Of Seagulls
• 2/1/90 - Off day in Amsterdam with Mordred prior to the tour with Overkill .
• 2/1/91 - Vicious Rumours played the 'Real Rock' in Oakland last night.
• 2/1/92 - Chicago, IL - The Avalon - Savatage
• 2/1/93 - Portland, OR - Roseland - D.R.I. / ProPain
• 2/1/94 - Visiting the parents in Cloverdale.
• 2/1/95 - Columbus, OH - Alrosa Villa - Skrew / Spudmonsters / Overdose +1
• 2/1/96 - Springfield, IL - Convention Center - Mortal Kombat
• 2/1/97 - Home in N. Hollywood with the lovely wife prior to the Ben Folds Five European Tour.
• 2/1/98 - Home in N. Hollywood with the lovely wife prior to the Ben Folds Five U.S. Tour with Robbie Fulks.
• 2/1/99 - Home in N. Hollywood with the lovely wife prior to the Jude tour opening for Train and Better Than Ezra, BTE headlined.
• 2/1/00 - Home in the house I just bought with the lovely wife before going on tour with Stir.
• 2/1/01 - Home on a break during the Eve 6 tour.
• 2/1/02 - Home on a break during the first Ben Folds solo tour.
• 2/1/03 - Home on break during the Beck tour. Saw Stir a couple of nights ago.
• 2/1/04 - On vacation
• 2/1/05 - Off day in Dublin, Ireland on the Green Day tour. Going to dinner with friends.

10 years ago today I was in the club where the Pantera guy was killed. Looks like my timing was good.

"This is dedicated to a fine body of men...It's called 'We Are The Road Crew'..."

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ADDENDUM:

The world of Umlaut can be so small! Old Umlaut friend Drunk Ted was once part of the mighty Flipside magazine staff... In that magical year of 1986, Tour Manager Doug and Drunk Ted were in the same place.. and didn't even know it. Such is the Magic of METAL.

Submitted by Drunk Ted:

Holy crap! Doug was at the Slayer show at Adams Ave. on 2/1/86? I was there too!

VERY memorable show. Jeff's amp blew up during the 3rd song and so he took Tom's bass and finished the show with that. Didn't miss a note, either. That's pretty impressive! This was also the show where a kid (I can track him down too... met someone last year who knows him) jumped off the balcony and went THROUGH the stage. Slayer still mentions this in interviews (in Kerrang way back when, and as recently as the documentary on the DVD that came out last year).

I remember I was supposed to interview them for my radio show. Metal Blade set up the interview, but when we got there (drunk on stolen beer since we were under 21), Slayer knew nothing about it.

Before the show, I tried to get them to do the interview, but Tom wanted to drink and I wasn't old enough. He went into the Elbow Club (which is now the Ould Sod, an Irish Pub I frequent to this day. They have the Elbow Club sign on the inside of the pub now. I often think "Slayer drank here!" when I'm there looking at that sign.) and left me stranded. I was pretty freakin' drunk at this time too, so I don't know if they really wanted to be interviewed by some drunk kid.

I also helped Kerry (who I hear wasn't drinking in those days) load up his amps while trying to tell him about the interview I had set up. Didn't seem to want to do it. After the show, I was still bugging Kerry for an interview, as we were walking to the 7/11, and people kept screaming "SLAYER" to him. He would just respond with a "slayer" in a girly voice under his breath, mocking them.

As the night went on, Kerry finally said "Ok, I'll do the interview when I get back." and he went back into the club. By this time I had sobered up and said "Wait a minute, if it's this hard to get an interview out of them that was approved by Metal Blade, and they don't want to do it, why should I waste my time either?" So I left before he came out. That would've been my very first interview and had it bombed, in my insecurities back then, I probably would've given up interviewing bands. Instead, my first interview was with Dave Mustaine a month later, and it was AMAZING. He was so friggin' cool and I learned alot from it in regards to interviewing bands. Still one of the best interviews I ever had. It sparked a "career" where I've since interviewed about 75 bands, maybe more.

I'm sure me & Kerry could easily do a great interview now just talking about pro-wrestling!

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ADDENDUM 2:

Cue up either the Bob Seger or Metallica version of 'Turn The Page' and gasp in awe at Doug's All-Time Band / Gig List. He ran, he ran so far away. He just ran, he ran all night and day. He couldn't get away.

Submitted by TMD:

Doug On Tour (1984-Present)

Note: Ben Folds is on the list 3 different times, so he is WAY out in front. Yngwie opened for AC/DC on the 'Fly on the Wall' tour in 1985. So, I only missed 1, maybe 2, shows to do Slayer shows in NYC. This is when I was working for Boutwell.

# Of Shows Attended / Band:

363 Ben Folds Five
233 Warped Tour
171 D.R.I.
164 Cannibal Corpse
140 A Flock Of Seagulls
125 Rising Force (Featuring Yngwie Malmsteen)
116 Dirty Looks
105 Mortal Kombat
101 Eve 6
91 Vicious Rumors
87 Jude
82 Savatage
77 Slayer
72 Stir
68 ProPain
65 Samael
64 Beck
63 Train
61 AC/DC
54 Green Day
54 Exodus
53 Ben Folds Band
50 Ben Folds Solo

"There I go, turn the page..."