Friday, May 05, 2006

If I Had A Hammer

Paramount Theatre
Oakland, California
May 4, 2006

Yes, it was cool that Tool were doing this 15 date warm up tour of small venues. No, it wasn't cool that this show sold out in literally a minute. No, it wasn't cool that tickets for this show were selling for up to $450 (four hundred & fifty dollars) EACH on Ebay (EGADS!). Yes, I'd like to THANK The Sheriff and Lisa for being my Willie Wonka with the golden tickets. Also THANKS to Mike for treating me like his prom date.

What did we do before cell phones?? Remember saying to someone "Meet me at the soundboard in between bands.." and then not being able to find them because 5,000 other people had the same idea? Me 2.

While waiting in the Will Call line before the show, a crown popped off my tooth. What the... It was like my tooth was anticipating the show's teeth-rattling volume and decided to get it over with.

Watching Tool onstage made me rethink why I even bother with Indie bands. They're worthless and weak. Earnest lyrics backed by a wall of sound does more for me than earnest lyrics sung by a lonely pasty manchild anyday. I'd rather have volume in front of me than a frontal lobotomy...

It's funny that all of the Indie Kidz seem to HATE Tool... but everyone I know who digs Tool are some of the most articulate, intelligent, and interesting people I know. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Maynard was in fine form in his latest Brokeback Mountain gay cowboy lead singer incarnation. Also, how could I not smile to myself when I looked around and noticed 3,000 people all banging their heads in unison to 'Stinkfist'. For the record, the new song 'Jambi' is my favorite song of the year so far; the Old School "Doyoufeellikeido" talk box storms into the 21st Century! Nice. I could geek on Adam's guitar tone and Danny's drumming all the live long day.

Best Quote: Maynard - "Oakland... like San Francisco... only better.."

Iron Maiden shirts seen = 1. If you bought one of every Tool merch item you would have paid $276. On the way back to the car, some pimply-faced teenagers called us fags. Oakland does have better restaurants and rocks harder than San Francisco, but I still can't stand the Raiders.