Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Heaven And Hell

Some readers know how Umlaut pays his mortgage. Not too long ago, but long enough so that any NDA has hopefully expired, Umlaut worked for a certain infamous Lock 'N Loll merchandise company.

Now, while I did like most of my co-workers as people, it always bothered me on a purely Music Geek level how uninformed my colleagues were about the bands we represented. What also bothered me during my stint with this company was how I KNEW some of our clients as a fan dating back to my Salad Days.. I fucking KNEW everything about some of these bands, goddamit! However, I never felt this knowledge was seen as a valuable asset... except on the rare occasion like this actual IM conversation Umlaut had with a colleague:
  • Colleague: Hey... what's a popular Black Sabbath song?
  • Umlaut: paranoid is their signature song
  • Umlaut: need an mp3?
  • Colleague: what about Heaven and Hell?
  • Umlaut: heaven and hell was done without ozzy in the lineup
  • Umlaut: they had another singer at the time
  • Colleague: NOOOOOOOO
  • Colleague: whats another popular Sabbath song, with Ozzy
  • Umlaut: iron man
  • Umlaut: as far as well known
  • Colleague: perfect
  • Colleague: can you send that one to me??
  • [Umlaut sends MP3]
  • Colleague: oh i know this one!
  • Colleague: who knew!
Long story short, despite Umlaut's ability to know the difference between Ozzy Osbourne and Ronnie James Dio, my stint with this infamous merchandise company ended prematurely with a meeting that included the words "position" and "eliminated". However, this indignation led to a moment in Umlaut's life where the Rock Godz showed him that sometimes things happen for a reason.

Note: Yes, Umlaut did save the IM transcript for a ridiculous amount of time with the intention of posting it on this space eventually. Hell hath no fury like a Geek scorned!

Iron Maiden... always.