Heaven And Hell

Some readers know how Umlaut pays his mortgage. Not too long ago, but long enough so that any NDA has hopefully expired, Umlaut worked for a certain infamous Lock 'N Loll merchandise company.

Now, while I did like most of my co-workers as people, it always bothered me on a purely Music Geek level how uninformed my colleagues were about the bands we represented. What also bothered me during my stint with this company was how I KNEW some of our clients as a fan dating back to my Salad Days.. I fucking KNEW everything about some of these bands, goddamit! However, I never felt this knowledge was seen as a valuable asset... except on the rare occasion like this actual IM conversation Umlaut had with a colleague:

• Colleague: Hey... what's a popular Black Sabbath song?
• Umlaut: paranoid is their signature song
• Umlaut: need an mp3?
• Colleague: what about Heaven and Hell?
• Umlaut: heaven and hell was done without ozzy in the lineup
• Umlaut: they had another singer at the time
• Colleague: NOOOOOOOO
• Colleague: whats another popular Sabbath song, with Ozzy
• Umlaut: iron man
• Umlaut: as far as well known
• Colleague: perfect
• Colleague: can you send that one to me??
• [Umlaut sends MP3]
• Colleague: oh i know this one!
• Colleague: who knew!

Long story short, despite Umlaut's ability to know the difference between Ozzy Osbourne and Ronnie James Dio, my stint with this infamous merchandise company ended prematurely with a meeting that included the words "position" and "eliminated". However, this indignation led to a moment in Umlaut's life where the Rock Godz showed him that sometimes things happen for a reason.

Note: Yes, Umlaut did save the IM transcript for a ridiculous amount of time with the intention of posting it on this space eventually. Hell hath no fury like a Geek scorned!

Iron Maiden... always.